Do you need feedback? - closed (for now)

[VandaQ]

Hi there.

I love giving feedback and it's a great way to check out other people's work. If ya need someone to look over your work, post a link in here with the type of critique you'd like to receive.

A few details: I can give very technical feedback when I see fit. That means I will correct tenses, words, typos, commas etc. I also go into detail about pacing, description, character development and other stuff. My feedback giving experience is mostly novels/short stories, but I'll have a look at your comic as well. Well, the writing part, anyhow. I believe in fair and helpful feedback, which means I will use examples or supporting material or questions for you to quickly understand what can be worked on. Oh, and I also believe in praising the good aspects, of course haha

I know it's hard sometimes to ask for feedback or it might be scary to receive it, but if you want to see if there is room for improvement or you want to know what works in your story, let me know.

EDIT: Thank you so much for your submissions and sharing your work with me. It's fantastic and I am so glad you find some of my suggestions helpful. And while I would love to have time to always do feedback, I will have to take a break from submissions for a short while. I will get to everyone's work in the next few days. I just want to ensure I spend enough time with every work so I can give helpful feedback. Thanks for your understanding. In the meantime, please do check out the work of the people who replied in the thread.

[spooktacularprize]

That would be great!
Can you provide some feedback for this one: https://tapas.io/series/Mal-de-Ojo ? No particular kind, just what comes to mind? It IS a comic, so if it's not your forte I'd understand!

[Progg]

Feedback is always needed!
If you don't want to go through the whole thing, you can look at the first few pages or the last few pages. Any kind of feedback would be really helpful!

Carla's Adventures | Tapas

[VandaQ]

Hi there. I had a look and I have to say this is really entertaining. Now, as I mentioned, I'm not an artist so I won't be able to give feedback on style or stuff like that. but from a writing perspective, here we go.

First thing I have to mention: what a clever, well-designed introduction. Within the first panels we learn so much about the character without having an exposition or someone spelling things out for the reader. The atmosphere, the way you revealed your character's position in that world and even getting a glimpse at his ambitions, motivations, regrets etc. Fantastic. That's really good story telling right there - reminded me of the beginning of WALL-E haha (which is good, obviously).

I have to praise again Across the desert. I was made to feel the passage of time, instead of being told 'three days later' or something like that. That works so so well and we get to see the fierce dedication of the character when it comes to what he believes in aka catching 'bad guys'.

The suspense is built nicely with the introduction of Vincente and him going on about: there is something bigger than both us out there. Oh, also, Vincente's introduction is great again and it got a chuckle from me at the part with: Dead or DEAD.

There are many good things about this, really. Now, things that I noticed that might need a correction are:
- 'site' in the Testo1234 commercial should be written as 'sight'; 'out of sight' is the right expression
- 'Bloodhaund', the title of the episode. I have no idea if that's how you wanted it spelled and it's a creative liberty, but the word 'bloodhound' is spelled like I just did lol

Aside from these small things, this is really solid. And, personally, I think the colours you use really compliment the tone of the story. Another personal favourite is the occasional Spanish words. That adds depth to the character and it's a distinctive feature which allows the reader to place the character in their mind - same with Tucker's lisp.

All in all, I really enjoyed reading your comic. Great story telling, visual clues, natural dialogue. I can't pronounce myself on the character development yet, but I subbed to the comic and will get back to you with more observations if I have them.

Thanks for sharing your work and I can't wait to see what's next.

[Chopythes]

You seem to be able to give some really good feedback so... If you wouldn't mind, and have the time; maybe you'd be able to give me some feedback on my comic, Heritage?

Heritage :: Heritage: Beginnings | Tapas

It's 50 episodes with about 2-3 pages in each so it might be a bit too heavy for you to dive into, haha!

There might be quite a lot of spelling errors, as well as grammatical. English isn't my native language, just a heads up! I always appreciate when people point those things out <3

[hjfsdh2222]

Yaaaay! I love feedback but I don’t have much uploaded yet:/

Crime & Cars | Tapas

There’s more pages uploaded here: http://crimeandcars.smackjeeves.com/comics/2629712/episode-2-page-5/

[GreenSpleen]

I'll get in on some of this! I honestly would love some feedback but could you maybe DM me about it? For the longest time I've wondered if I should be embarrassed of my comic or have been trying too hard to be funny...

Staying consistent artwise and updating accordingly have been the biggest obstacles since the time of startup. It's a Slice of Life

GreenSpleen | Tapas

[VandaQ]

Hi there. I finished reading your comic, so less go.

The introduction is really good. We learn a lot about this world and the characters from the first few pages and nothing is too 'exposition-y'. I particularly like the bit where Nora wakes up because of her brother and her interaction with her family. Plus, the messy room is a good detail that gives us insight into the character.

I have to praise the humour, because this is genuinely amusing. I laughed at 'I have to get a thermos' and the lady testing the grenade by throwing it in the back yard. The dialogue is natural and I love the relationship between Nora and Ester. Good relationship building there. Through their interactions we get to see how each of them are and why they work together so well.

Now, things I would have a look over.

• I felt the '2 weeks later' when they first got on the ship was a wasted opportunity for some character and relationship development. Obviously, your focus wasn't on their stay with the crew, but we could have had a montage of sorts with the two passing the time on the ship. Maybe Nora looking over the captain's shoulder with an intrigued look on her face signaling she's trying to figure out how that spaceship works - since she always goes on about hijacking one of them. Or Ester drawing flowers on the Bahamas guy's face. You know, something to sell the characters and make us a tad more invested in their situation. Maybe even a panel of one of them looking out the window and missing their home, even though they both wanted to leave Earth.

• The ship's captain was, more or less, an exposition device. I am not sure a drug trader would be willing to tell any stranger all those details about the planet. And I know this worked as a way to build the world and develop the environment... But you could have instead added a few more panels when they were wondering around Phobos and that description of the place would have come on naturally in that situation. I'd say instead of giving away every detail to your readers in the form of a character describing everything, show your readers how the world works. It's much easier to 'show, don't tell' in a comic because the visual clues are there. And you can trust your readers to build off of what you show them. For example, when they land on Phobos, the captain mentions that that's the small ship landing platform. Instead of having him pointing that out, you could have shown the reader a small sign saying that. It's those small details that really help you develop a world in a natural way.

• Some of the things that happen in the story a tad too... Convenient. Some things are understandable, as you need to move the plot along and some of them make sense: like the fact that the two took flight - to say so - and escaped the police because of the lack of gravity. Same with the office party - it's understandable that in a place like Phobos you'd have those kind of scenarios. But other things are a tad jarring. An example would be the fact Nora had the key to the spaceship. I went back and revisited the panels where the heckling was going on but there's no visual clue about Nora stealing the key. There's this bit where the captain and the lady at the counter are going back and forth about the price. A nice detail would have been to see Nora's hand from outside the panel reaching for the captain's pocket or something. That way, the situation in which Nora has the key is no longer a convenient device but it's a well planned detail. Another thing was making the guard eat the sweets that put him to sleep. They had no guarantee that he would eat the confiscated sweets. If you would have shown a guard earlier on when the police confiscated the chocolate bars secretly munching on one of them... Then yes, that would have worked. To avoid this, think about where you want to take the plot and how you can develop it from the point you're planning. I know not everyone loves planning (I dislike it, for a fact) but visualizing where you want to take the story and what are the steps to that point will help. It doesn't even have to be a plan - you only have to spend a few minutes thinking: Hey, I know this will happen in a later chapter, so how can I build up the idea so that it's developed in an organic manner?

Aside from that, I think it's great work. Personal favourites were: the sarcasm, because I love it haha. The humour, in general, is really well done. And your style reminds me of the 90's cartoons like The Magic Bus and PowerPuff girls which I adore - and it's a really nice juxtaposition, considering this is taking place in the distant future. Other small details I particularly enjoyed: the oil industry conspiracy, the fact drug traders stopped to buy chocolate fingers, 'Recovery position' from Ester (bless their soul).

Thanks for sharing this <3 I subbed so I'm waiting patiently for the next part.

[A-weird-girler]

Eh, why not?

The Residents of E. Picurus' Mansion | Tapas

[Teowi]

I would really appreciate feedback on my writing. I'm a bit concerned about the pacing of the plot so far, since I've been told that it's very tense for most of the beginning, but I can't discern it as clearly as a new reader could. Anything you point out would be very helpful.
Thank you for your time!

Gods Are Watching | Tapas

[BobbyjoeX]

If you want to check mine out and give feedback, here it is

ROYAL | Tapas

[Progg]

Thank you for your in-depth and very useful feedback! You seem to really understand what I'm going for with this comic, and reading your feedback I find myself thinking, "Why didn't I think of this?"
I see what you mean about the captain. I tried to make his exposition more natural by having him be an annoyingly talkative kind of person, but it still shows. You're right that I need to plan more ahead and hint at future events to make them seem credible. I actually got out glue and scissors and added Nora's hand reaching for the captain's pocket at p. 21. The other things are a bit more difficult to retcon, but I might get around to it eventually. There's a lot of buffer, so it might not show for some time, but I do take your feedback into account. Glad you liked the characters and the humor!

[VandaQ]

Hi there. I checked it out and you're right, it's not much. But I do think the introduction has a great hook. I was instantly curious as to why this lady wants to free a prisoner and especially someone accused of manslaughter. And what is the story behind that charge? Also, I personally love this style.

For now, I'd say keep up with the good work and I'll be there to read the next part.

[VandaQ]

No worries at all, it was so so enjoyable to read your comic. Glad I could help and really... I would not expect you to go back and make changes as that can be very hard haha

It's just points to ponder on. Keep up the good work!

[EugenioM]

Wow! Your feedback is really helpful. Please, we´d be grateful if you could take a look at this comic. It´s a sci-fi story made with the artist Sara Cuervo. Many thanks!

Nobody in Cassandra | Tapas

[TheFalseVyper]

It's nice of you to be doing this for people and you really do great with your feedback!

[akitsukino]

How about this chapter? It the thirteenth one so spoilers if you care.

The Puzzleworlds :: Chapter 13 | Tapas

[VandaQ]

Thanks, glad to hear you think that. It's not much, really.

[VandaQ]

Hi there, finished reading now.

I have to say I quite like the idea (and I'm not even a big fantasy fan). The first few episodes get your attention quickly and I caught myself being impatient with my own slow scrolling. I love the relationship between James and Tim, it's well built and we can clearly see from their interactions they've been doing this for a while. It establishes this sense of familiarity between them without becoming cheesy - and that's really good. The characters, in general, are well developed and I appreciate immensely how all of them have a particular way of talking or expressions they like to use.

I have to say I was a tad confused as to why he would be arrested just for being at a crime scene but, as the story progressed, it made sense. We needed that moment where we see Tim injured and getting up and walking to understand his character. I think that's done brilliantly, by the way. You could have revealed his nature in a lot of ways, but working it into a cohesive, coherent plot just shows how good your story telling is. I know you are worried about flashbacks, but I think they add to character development and plot as a whole. Yes, there might be a few, but I would rather you show me certain details and make me curious about your universe than have Tim or another character describe these details in a monologue. I also love them because there is this sense that... Well, Tim has a past, he obviously has things he fears and regrets - he's a complex character. And we just happen to follow him on this adventure, but we are always aware we might not know the full details of what happened. And that's great.

I'll go a bit into technical stuff and things I noticed directly in the comic.

• You use 'a moment later', 'a minute later' a lot. And, while it's not bad to use them, I think sometimes they don't need to be there. You can trust your readers to understand the order of the actions. For example, when they are waiting for their plane, Tim says 'let's look for James'. Next part features a 'a moment later' then we cut to James. Now, in my opinion, that scene could have worked without you telling me it was only a minute later that they found James. And if you want to give a visual clue to the readers, maybe have Tim stare around or a small panel with him walking around with a puzzled expression on his face, then cut to him next to James. Either way, we understand what's happening. The same thing happened in the flashback about Sam. We have Sam plop on the ground then the usage of: 'the next day'. But you already made sure we would understand something is different because Tim is wearing different clothes - and I love that type of attention to detail in your work. Once again, trust your readers they will follow your thought process. And if you wanted to point out that it was the next day, I don't know; have a panel that shows the clock going from 6PM to 9AM, or simply the image of a clock showing it's early in the day or show the morning news on the TV. Use the environment to signal different things to your reader and I am sure they will be fine. Sometimes, as I mentioned, these 'a moment later' are useful - but other times it will become overkill. To put this from a writer's perspective, it's like describing three consecutive actions as taking place 'a moment later' from each other. Of course they do, they happen one after another. I think you got the point haha

• p. 22 Her: you have 'ment' instead of meant

• p. 5 Them: This whole page is a masterpiece when it comes to building a world and getting us invested in the idea. All those characters moving independently of Tim and James in the background and forefront, the fact there's a sense the world is bigger than the characters we're following... It's just fantastic story telling. It gets you curious immediately. And I appreciate you didn't stop and had Tim go off in his mind about the place or trying to provide some kind of exposition-y description because the page on its own does that. I love it haha.

• p. 24 Them: you have 'despice' instead of despite

And these would be all the technical things I found. There are many other details I liked, but I mentioned here the ones that stood out to me the most. Things I personally enjoyed: the fact you used Swedish at the beginning, that really makes me feel part of the world and forces me to see things through Tim's eyes (allowing me to empathize with him). The fact you use colour in your flashbacks - not only because it takes the confusion out of everything, but because you do colour really well. The way the mystery was built and how the suspense is still building. Once again, I don't feel you're giving me everything on a plate and that's so refreshing - I want to be curious about your characters and ask questions (and make up theories in my mind).

Finally (I feel this is so long, my apologies lol). This is really solid work. It's clear you have a good grasp on story telling devices and you know how to build worlds and characters and, more importantly, show them to us. Don't worry about the language, your English is perfect aside from what I mentioned. (And if ya need help with proofreading, I can help haha) Keep doing what you're doing and thanks for sharing this, it was a blast.

[hjfsdh2222]

Ah thank you so much!