Emotional Support/Advice Thread

[vothnthorvaldson]

Oh these ones..
I wonder whether they're not just sitting there trying to find something to complain about.

I saw a different kind of crazy at an hotel for a conference. Group of 20-25 yo students chilling in the corridor. 2 of the girls had very short shorts and small halter top for one and something pretty much like a bra (but over a real bra) for the other. No one conplained, which I think was normal because there was nothing wrong with that imo. But then one girl had a long pyjama, but no bra under, so her nipples were showing a bit under it and one of the little-dressed girls went crazy, saying how inappropriate it was etc. I found that absolutely ridiculous.

And then you have all the crazy people going to see the manager at work to complain about people breastfeeding.. but that's another issue.. except again, people only waiting for something to happen to complain.

[DiegoPalacios]

There is no obligation to accept any date you don`t want.

If people think there is a social obligation to date someone or to accept a date, they are the weird ones.

[Zak]

Well, I'm having a sorta shit time lately. I moved houses so its slowly getting better. But I am upset because I cannot get a job to support myself and my partner, My country or rather the state Im living in has the lowest employment rates and I can't seem to land one. I got to a work consultant who has been trying to get me a job for years and is telling me to do comics (since its what I love to do) as a job, even though its not a nationalized job. And since I get government benefits if I don't do what they want me to do they'll take the only support away from me.

And I keep hearing online around here not to rely on this as a job for money. But I literally have nothing else going for me. I'm literally never going to get employment anywhere and Im worried Ill never be able to support myself or my partner.

Its worse from my barriers of not getting one due to the social phobia I have. Which has only been recognized but to an extent that I'm taken seriously for. Its frustrating.

[DualDragons]

Hey guys it's me. I'm not feeling great today.

To be honest, i'm on the verge of burning out. I feel completely empty at the moment and i have no energy whatsoever when i wake up.

I also don't have that much energy anymore for my comic. I've been working on in for almost three years now and to be honest, i'm not too much invested in it anymore. Probably because it's a bigger project than a beginner like me can handle. It goes somewhat better with college.

I don't have any energy left for these two things though, the only reason why i keep going with these things is because i force myself to.
I used to think this was depression until i realised that it started to affect my energy as well.
Did anyone go through the same thing?

That's all that's on my mind for now, sorry to bother you guys.

[unknown_user]

Yes, it happens to me from time to time. I think it's normal when you do something for a long time.
In such a cases, I make a pause - if I can afford it.
For example, you can afford take a break from job only if you are eligible for vacation, or if you have enough money in reserve and/or constant support from others. You can afford yourself to stop studying only if you are sure that you don't want this education, or if you've done with your current degree/stage/project and can take a break before reaching another one etc.
(If I currently can't afford taking a break for it, I'm concentrating all my energy on these things and sacrifice hobbies for awhile, until I'll be prepared to take a break. )
But with your hobby it's more simple. You always can afford yourself a break, any time you need it. I don't see any sense in forcing yourself in your hobby, because only purpose of hobby is to cheer yourself up, in my opinion.

[hamsterdude]

I really hope that you all will feel better soon. If there's anyway I can help or motivate anyone, let me know.

I'm REALLY depressed and anxious.

Haters are following me everywhere on the internet. They're destroying my reputation.

Someone I like a lot told me that they really like me and my stories and that she's saving my stories about me and her because she likes them so much. But in a 'callout post' about me, she posted a screenshot of a story/post I made (the same one she responded to me by saying she "saved it because she likes it so much" and that she really likes it) and said negative things like how me and my stories are absolutely disgusting and stuff.

And now I keep getting hate messages like this:

I keep hibernating at my parents house. I moved out awhile ago, but this internet drama stuff has me feeling so anxious that I keep going back to my parents house to feel safer.

I feel very scared. Like I can't make my dream projects or else the haters will tell everyone to not support me and my reputation will just keep getting more and more ruined from the haters.

[unknown_user]

I have to write two papers (for thesis) and work as a programmer on one project (for money) in parallel. I felt enthusiastic about these things at the beginning, but now I feel so tired from them, that, honestly, I force myself to do it right now, without any desire or joy. And, of course, as a result, I have no energy for anything else. I want to finish some art and a new page for my comics and thinking about it for the last several days, but never actually do it, because of lack of energy.
Now I need to get grisp on myself and hold on until holidays... * sigh *

[SilentHamster102]

I'm so tired of lack of energy. This is going since March. Before I was full of energy to do something, I was all into drawing, modding games, even learned how to code. But after March everything is a total mess. I barely can keep up the minimal amount of work. For example I was drawing like 3-4 hours easily, and now I' m doing it maximum for 2 hours and I'm so tired after that.

And life lost it's brightness for me, everything is so boring and unpleasant. Only drinking helps me to be ok at least for few hours. But anyway, before when I was drinking I was super fun and positive and now I'm just average. This sucks.
Only good thing was my first travel outside my region. But after that I feel even worse because now I understand in so huge shithole I live.

I don't want to do anything, sometimes i just watching stupid YT videos for hours. Even TV cop shows and action movies aren't so entertaining anymore.

I don't know why I wrote all this, anyway nobody cares. Even me.

[DiegoPalacios]

I`ve been in a somewhat similar situation where i havent had enough time and energy for everything i want to do.

But something that helped me was prioritizing certain tasks and setting specific times during the day to work on them. Of course it will depend on your deadlines what tasks to prioritize.

For example, if you get too tired in the evening to work on your comic, set an hour in the morning to work on it, that way, you make some consistent advance and you will probably work on the other tasks anyway.

Another idea, but depends a lot of your deadlines....how about focussing on one of your papers and then focusing on the other one? That way, when your first paper gets finished, your workplate will feel lighter.

Hope this helps!

[DiegoPalacios]

That sounds like you have depression, but i am not a profesional and i may be wrong, so i recommend you to check out with one.

something that can help with the mood is excercising : no need to hit the gym or become a "pro", but any physical activity that entertains you will help because you release endorphins. Even just taking a walk or dance classes can help.

Contact with nature can help too, it can be something as simple as going to a park.

Wish you the best and hope this helps!

[unknown_user]

Another idea, but depends a lot of your deadlines....how about focussing on one of your papers and then focusing on the other one? That way, when your first paper gets finished, your workplate will feel lighter.

Yes, I've come to the same conclusion. I'll end part of work on the 1st one to make a report to scientific adviser in a week, and then continue to work on the 2nd one.

For example, if you get too tired in the evening to work on your comic, set an hour in the morning to work on it, that way, you make some consistent advance and you will probably work on the other tasks anyway.

I could try. Maybe not a full hour, but half of a hour shouldn't make me tired at all and thus shouldn't damage my work and study.

@SilentHamster102 Yes, it looks like a depression episode. If I remember correctly, then, from what you wrote on this forum before, it follows that you already had similar problems before. (?) In this case, you could try to understand a pattern, under which conditions this sad state comes and under which conditions it goes away.

[SilentHamster102]

There is no psychotherapist in town, only in big city 80km away and it's too expensive. We don't have gym around town so only solution is training at home, and i'm doing it, but it's don't helps.
Maybe I should training more often, but it's hard to do because of apathy. I can't force myself to drawing properly which is my biggest hobby in life.
Nature won't help for sure. There is huge forests and such around and overall I'm not living in urban area so nature is everywhere.
But trips to urban places are sometimes cheering me up so maybe I should try to do it more, but I don't have enough money to go to cities often.

@tired_programmer Yeah, I wrote this. Since it's hit me again in March. Before I had it for some years but it was ended in late 2016. 2017-18 were good without that bad state.
And about understanding the pattern - now it's overall lack of energy and apathy to everything, like all the time. Except drinking, as i said, but I don't want to became an alcoholic so I'm limiting its usage.
Sometimes it's super sad state, but I know already how it's coming and how to fight it. But anyway my state after crisis is that apathetic crap.

And I know why everything started, there is clear reason for it but it's too personal and actually silly.

[denaliah]

I"m in an overall happier place emotionally, i think it's largely due to being an self development junkie, and holding on to my webtoon story and characters. I've developed a lot brain rewiring strategies, and remind myself who you are its just programming, and you can reprogram yourself and mindset. I"ve also seen a therapist for a month, and just that 1 month (3x) was very insightful. But it's expensive so for now I'll only see her sporadically. I still have anxieties though, like sometimes Id still have dreams about my past in school where my peers outright excluded me and waiting for someone to notice me and feeling rejected that no one paid attention to me in particular. As well as dreams about still arguing with my parents and trying to get them to see my side, even though I moved out and went no contact. I'm independent now, and I can pay all my bills, but I"m not a a point where I can afford to live a lifestyle that's beyond basic. I wonder if I'll ever be able to afford to buy a home and a more comfy lifestyle. Luckily I'm able to work several jobs from home, but i can't help but feel am I not living to my potential when I hear someone around my age is making more cause they chose a different career. Granted, I wouldn't enjoy their jobs and they're not great fits for me. I try to tell myself let them do them, and me do me and that some careers take longer to pay off. Still, I wish I wouldn't have to budget all the time and just spend freely without causing myself financial strain. I had dreams of being a famous mangaka as a kid, grandiose in order to give myself sth to look forward to when I was a lonely kid. Thing is, it worked. I became a more positive person trying to hold onto that dream and got better grades and respect among others. I still want to finish my comic. But my it's cause I genuinely believe I have a gift for storytelling and art and that my series can bring joy and valuable insights, but I wished I didn't let my self doubt stop me from pursuing this earlier so I"d be further ahead now. But I try to tell myself it isn't all my fault cuz i was raised by parents who doubted me and told me I was stupid and crazy when I was authentic. I realized a lot of people couldn't handle my authenticity, so it caused me to keep a lot to myself, and now I"m starting to learn to express my needs in a healthy way in my mid20s. At least I"m more articulate now, but being assertive without being aggressive is not common and natural I realized. I think a major shift in myself esteem is to remind myself that artistic value=/= market value, and market value =/= human value. As well as realizing you can still be motivated to improve, and tell yourself you are enough. Praising yourself with believable phrases is key!

[unknown_user]

Other PhD students: Make a hypothesis, which sounded brilliant at first, but turned out to be wrong/unreasonable/too hard to proof after a laborious research.
Me: Don't worry, it's science. Everything can happen. It's not your fault. Negative result is a result, too.

Me: Make a hypothesis, which sounded brilliant at first, but turned out to be wrong/unreasonable/too hard to proof after a laborious research.
Me:

[DiegoPalacios]

I will literally quote you on what you said to the other PhD students because you have a point there:

Don`t worry, its science. Everything can happen. Its not your fault. Negative result is a result, too.

The point is that part of science/research is figuring out what works and what doesnt work. Even a wrong hypothesis is a step towards finding the truth and, you never know, maybe your ideas can inspire others and lead to an amazing theory.

Also, perhaps you may achieve a big breakthrough later in life, and this is just part of your path.

[DualDragons]

I agree with @DiegoPalacios, everything can happen in science and it can also be a negative result.

I'll give you an example of my own college projects, in which i had to develop and innovate several constructions such as a waterpump or a static steel crane.
Would you believe me if i said that every single one of them utterly failed? Because they did. But that's ok since i learned from it. And so does your result.

The fact that your hypothesis turned out to be too hard to proof after hard work doesn't mean it was all wasted effort. It just means that you've got a different result than you wanted it to be, in this case failure i assume?
But that doesn't mean you can't learn from the result, you can only improve from where you stand and in the end that is the goal of studying, trying and learning to improve and hone your skills.

I hope this message gave you a bit of another perspective on the situation and that it helps you get out of the slum you might be in at the moment

[Azifri]

One of my PhD advisors told me time ago that his goal is to produce good science. Small findings, regardless if they are what we call negative or positive, are the really useful building bricks in science. Once I started designing my own projects, I realized how true this is. Big papers with cool findings are useless if I can't find the proper methods to replicate them, or if half way through you realize that steps are missing, or they might have played with things such as sample size, leaving out "bad" replicates, etc. What I want to say is that your research question might have proven wrong, but that in itself might still be worth documenting, because others could be failing because of the same and because it's your hard work after all.

My personal advice is to have a "safe" project; something that will give you a kinda predictable but good result that you can publish (because unfortunately this is how in most places they measure your success; the effort you put into it is often ignored), and then besides it have your high risk project. I find this to be more efficient and rewarding :3

It still hurts when you worked really hard and nothing worked It's okay to feel like crap.

[Iris-Grimoire]

It's so odd to come down from a fun christmas to suddenly increasing panic over my comic's writing. I guess I keep hitting a weird wall with the script which is YEARS ahead, but it's so hard to tell if I had a sudden realization that the comic isn't well structured, I suck, no one will be able to keep up with it, etc etc, or it's just the anxiety, which shouldn't be here since there's nothing stressful happening. Gah, impostor syndrome.

[unknown_user]

You can directly ask people, who read your comics, that questions. And learn what they truly think.
I know that it's kinda scary, but it will resolve your uncertainty. ✿

[teasidesketches]

I don't think I can give any good advice, but I (and I'm sure plenty of other creators) can relate. Especially having such a long comic where the payoff will take a long time to reach... It gives you so much time to think about the story and what could possibly be wrong with it.
But, as long as you're doing your best and trying to think things through or maybe getting advice from other writers about things you're uncertain about, then that's what's important! If you ever need an ear to talk about an idea you have for your comic, I'd always be willing to lend one.