Family Tropes You Dislike

[HGohwell]

Pretty much what the title says. What family specific tropes get on your nerves?

For instance, a few that bug me:

• The slowly changing but still very common trope of women being unable to have kids being incomplete or somehow less of a woman. Or even less of a mother. Adoption is a thing. Surrogates are a thing. This stigma that a "real" child is one that is biologically created from a woman's own body isn't a great one.
• And related to that and one I see a lot in real life too, the idea that "I have to find my biological parents" when you have a perfectly good adopted family who've loves you since you were a baby. Often in action/shounen protagonists. And just as many parents do this when they realise their child is actually the kid of an evil king or something despite having raised them from birth pull the "you're not my son!" and it really bugs me.
• And on a slightly more harmless and silly note, the parent who's always trying hard and is still cast by the narrative as a pain in the ass and overbearing, when they're not. This is probably part of me growing older. Many stories featuring teens and aimed at teens probably show parents like this because that's how they feel their parents are. But it knowing why doesn't stop it bugging me.

So? What family specific tropes grind your gears?

[cherrystark]

I know it happens in real life, but I'm tired of the main character either ALWAYS being an orphan or coming from a super-abusive household where they receive no love so joining their love interest's world isn't a problem.

I don't have the best relationship with my dad's side of the family (there is some abuse there) and no relationship with my grandmother. Instead of wallowing in the lack of family connections, I've went and was "adopted" by two of my mother's friends who were more than willing to step up to be my grandmother. I also have several "adoptive" mothers, fathers, aunts, etc who are more than happy to step in to be my parents when mine aren't available. My own parents have also been the "adoptive" parents and grandparents of dozens of other kids. There are always people willing to love and respect you. In the stories, they'll come from broken homes and maybe have one friend, so when they start on their adventure, they're leaving no one behind to miss them.

I am also tired of the lack of positive parental role models in general. So many stories widow one of the parents and the surviving parent either becomes abusive or despondent. Mourning is okay but there should be more examples of parents stepping up to raise their children because it's what's right and they love them.

I love Morgan's from "The Spy Who Dumped Me" relationship with her parents. They are her best friends. It shouldn't be weird to see characters call their parents because they're bored or need to gossip with someone. I gossip with my mom all the time.

[HGohwell]

I am also tired of the lack of positive parental role models in general. So many stories widow one of the parents and the surviving parent either becomes abusive or despondent. Mourning is okay but there should be more examples of parents stepping up to raise their children because it's what's right and they love them.

It's really cool when series actually do this. Being the nerd that I am, YGO Arc V actually did this really well with the MC's disappeared dad, leaving behind his mum to be a single parent, who luckily had his dad's best friend was also a single parent since pretty much his daughter's birth (there's a plot point there) and they did their best for years. And the disappeared dad was generally played as a good parent. (Now I have my issues with him, canon wanted to tell me he was perfect but he was awful) But I appreciate the effort of a shounen anime attempting to make good parental figures.

And also going out of its way to show the pain of leaving the family to go off on adventure. Too few shows do this. It'd be an easy parallel to growing up and leaving home for college or something. But instead shows like the "no one will miss me" route.

[NickRowler]

Adopted siblings or step siblings hooking up. It’s so creepy and I’m sick of the whole “Well, technically...” excuse. The dynamic in adopted families and step families are similar to that in biological ones. Even if there is no blood relation, they still create a brotherly and sisterly bond.

[Phantomlight]

Ah, I was just thinking about this when I was watching Disney movies.

• The abundance of this image of a nuclear family dynamic, though nowadays I feel it is changing. Not saying that the dynamic is bad, but I love seeing a diverse dynamic of families, probably because I myself was raised in a non-nuclear family dynamic. Adopted parents, single parents, grandparents, legal guardians, same sex parents, etc etc. I love seeing all kinds of different family dynamics because not everyone has the same nuclear family and that's okay and that's not a bad thing to have a different family dynamic. And also! Friends can certainly be a family unit
• The older siblings are always mean trope. Like I get it, siblings can fight, bicker, and may not be the nicest, but I am always down for siblings to be caring for one another rather than completely just mean and disregard the younger siblings. And also the other side of that coin too where the younger sibling is usually annoying. Like not all younger siblings are annoying xD My sibling was quiet as a kid and they've always been a gentle and sweet person.
  My last point is one that @cherrystark touched upon:

I love Morgan's from "The Spy Who Dumped Me" relationship with her parents. They are her best friends. It shouldn't be weird to see characters call their parents because they're bored or need to gossip with someone. I gossip with my mom all the time.

• Why can't parents be considered friends? xD I am great friends with my mom and I know not all parents are the same. I know that some people don't get their parents and don't really befriend them, that's fine, but especially with movies centered around teenagers, parents are mostly seen as the enemy or disregarded as terrible or uncool or whatever it is because that's the teenager's perspective, but I really like parent-child dynamics where they CAN be friends.

[nathanKmcwilliams]

I'm fairly okay with most, but one that I don't quite like much is:
Idiotic Dad

Don't get me wrong, characters like Homer and Hal are funny, but I feel like that trope is hard to pull off without it being just tactless.

Overall though, I'm not super critical of tropes. People should write what they want.

[HGohwell]

I'm ok with this if they're older and this is a new sibling relationship, like they're 16 and their parents have just got married or something (or the played for drama they got together before their parents and now they're siblings). But when they've been siblings for years or since they were young, yeah...

[JoshRaid]

The stupid dad who doesn't actually care.

[cherrystark]

It's really cool when series actually do this. Being the nerd that I am, YGO Arc V actually did this really well with the MC's disappeared dad, leaving behind his mum to be a single parent, who luckily had his dad's best friend was also a single parent since pretty much his daughter's birth (there's a plot point there) and they did their best for years. And the disappeared dad was generally played as a good parent. (Now I have my issues with him, canon wanted to tell me he was perfect but he was awful) But I appreciate the effort of a shounen anime attempting to make good parental figures.

It's one of the things I am trying to do for my series. Two of my characters are father and daughter and he's the only active parent she's ever known. Plus he goes and becomes the parental figure for two other characters.

And also going out of its way to show the pain of leaving the family to go off on adventure. Too few shows do this. It'd be an easy parallel to growing up and leaving home for college or something.

Gravity Falls is an excellent example of healthy family dynamics. They fight/bicker but they make up. The two siblings are equal partners. They do the "we gotta hide our secrets from our parents" trope (which is another trope that bugs me) but eventually realize that they're better off including their grunkles.

[Phantomlight]

I know quite a few dads and they're funny without being dumb xD so I don't really prefer this trope either. And it does seem to be used a lot in media, but it works and garners laughter so to each their own I suppose, like you said "people should write what they want." i think many of these tropes mentioned can be used tactfully and aren't necessarily bad! I think this thread also is a way to mention things we would like to see more of, perhaps the abundance of these is what is disliked more so than the ideas, but it is also about people's preferences, which is fine ^^

[cherrystark]

Why can't parents be considered friends? xD I am great friends with my mom and I know not all parents are the same. I know that some people don't get their parents and don't really befriend them, that's fine, but especially with movies centered around teenagers, parents are mostly seen as the enemy or disregarded as terrible or uncool or whatever it is because that's the teenager's perspective, but I really like parent-child dynamics where they CAN be friends.

Can you imagine how different Twilight would be if Bella had a good relationship with her dad?

And I totally agree with you. Parents can totally be your friends. I live in a college town and am in the gray area of too old to hang out with the college kids and too single for my married friends. With all of the COVID crazies added on top of things, I hang out with my parents all the time. My parents trust my opinion and ask for my insight on things.

[rajillustration]

When people write step-siblings as like less than a sibling--bothers me a lot because I come from a mixed family, and so being raised in that environment since birth I see no difference of love and kindness between any of my siblings. I know some people have issues with their half-siblings, but most people are in my camp where it's actually pretty natural and easy to love your siblings entirely. It's kind of what family is about. It's about who you love, not who you're blood related to.

[nathanKmcwilliams]

Yeah. I just like to add something positive, I don't want to only provide gripes against a trope, because...there's always exceptions to a rule.

Like if using a Stupid Dad trope, try to show that they do care about their family at least.
This is the difference to me between say... Homer Simpson and Peter Griffin. Homer genuinely tries to help his family, and even if he screws up, he tries his best to fix it. His stupidity is used as more than just a joke. Peter Griffin on the other hand, tends to screw up, and everyone else has to suffer all for the sake of gags.

Obviously, there's a different comedy style between the series, but overall, I prefer Homer over Peter any day.

[Caro]

I get that most stories don’t really need to develop side characters as much as you’d do with your teen protagonist but god I hate that extremely stock parent characterization that I’m always seeing of parents who are weird, vague nurture-blobs of complete inaction with zero personality or desire beyond “I care about my child.”

Let them crack a joke or tell an anecdotal story that reveals something of a person beyond a stock character mom/dad.

I don’t watch a lot of anime anymore but i remember when in the odd case where there was a surviving parent they’d almost always be so BLAND. I hated it

I’ve been thinking about this a lot cus I’ve had to write a lot of mother/father/teen daughter interactions for my comic recently

[DokiDokiTsuna]

I have a pretty bleh relationship with most of my family (actually bleh at best; bitter hatred at worst) so this is a weird thread for me to be in. ^^; On the one hand, toxic family dynamics can be frustrating...on the other hand, I live with them every day, so ¯_(ツ)_/¯

I would say that I am also not a fan of the unrealistic "importance" of BIOLOGICAL FAMILY. Like, sure, I get it, but if I found out I was adopted, would I want to go on a huge quest to find some people I don't even know and may or may not even like just because we're related?? Nah, thanks...I can live without that.

Even that old punchline where a kid's parents tell them they're adopted and it's supposedly the cruelest, most callous thing you could say to your child...why?? Adoption is not abnormal; it happens every day (and honestly, needs to happen more). Why do we paint it as some horrible secret, as if it means your family isn't really real...?
What it actually means (at least in this country) is that someone jumped through many hoops and paid a lot of money just to have you in their life...personally, I would be flattered. =/

[cherrystark]

My grandpa always said when it comes to step-relatives that they only steps in his household were the ones that lead up to the front door. All of my "step"-cousins are just my regular cousins.

[HGohwell]

What it actually means (at least in this country) is that someone jumped through many hoops and paid a lot of money just to have you in their life...personally, I would be flattered. =/

This is what always confuses me about it. Like, these people picked you and loved you and raised you for years, possibly your entire life but they're not good enough and someone who randomly shares your genes and gave you away (for whatever reason) is somehow going to make your life better or complete or tell you "who you really are" (I really hate that particular reasoning)? This bugged me about RWBY when Yang found Raven and was suddenly surprised and offended she wasn't treating her like her daughter, like she had the right to turn up after years and demand to be treated like her daughter and how dare she not. (I know it's not quite the same but it's the same "real parent is best and should instantly be parent no matter what").

[rajillustration]

Yeah! That's a great way to put it! I also have step grandparents as well (my grandma remarried like over 3 times, my grandpa remarried twice, my step-grandma married again later in age so I got just a brand new grandpa when she was 60 it's a long story), and so most of my cousins that I was closest to growing up--I was not even blood related at all, but it really doesn't matter! It's actually really comforting to know, that in the time since my grandparent's initial divorce in the 60's (Which was messy) they had kids, who's kids had kids, and now there's like...over 100 of us!

[Crusoe]

I hate the trophy wife trope. Sure, it's a thing that happens in real life, but it just bugs me that because of that, a young woman with an older husband is always portrayed as such in stories.

[domisotto]

1. there is a caravan of middle aged women somewhere, desperately running for their lives.

“Meg!” one of them exclaims, “you too?”

“Aye,” Meg says, “just yesterday our teenage daughter had discovered her unusual powers.”

“You should have known, she had those emerald eyes...”

“Aye, aye, but still.. we had hoped it was just a fluke.”

“Well, what can you do... since the mortality rate of the parents of the YA protagonists is 100%, gotta run...”

2.

All parents are terrible. If they are not incapacitated drug-users, they beat-rape the MC in the efforts to provide them with the best possible Character Development

3.

Parents who speak and act like they are age 11. Same goes for teachers...