I skimmed ypur Bleach fan comic. Then I read the first and most recent episodes of The Quos. Here is my gut reaction.
Visually, the look is okay. It conveys what is happening which is the entire point and something that even more experienced artists can fine troublesome. The backgrounds when there are any do not take advantage of the opportunity to show me anything about the world; if a wall is drawn, it only exists so that someone can lean against or get thrown into it. I could have learned what the world looks and feels like, whether streets are cobblestone or blacktop or mud, whether the homes were built like European or East Asian or Native American houses, how many moons are in the sky, et cetera. All of that could have been established with an opening shot or two. Instead, we got just the characters in nondescript clothing.
The inner dialog was believable and concise. That is useful because it allows for larger easier to read fonts or more artwork.
The writing is not terrible but problematic. Errors like mixing up your with you're are not deal-breakers, but they establish low expectations going forward. That is actually why I skipped the middle chapters. Also, I saw some awkward hyphenated word breaks li-ke th-is. If you can, try maybe blocking our your words in light pencil and then going back to ink or type them.
That hand illustration in the very last panel looked very to me.
