Feedback me about writing and art

sam1992ca 2017-03-10 22:50:23 UTC #1

hi, i want to keep getting better so i'm asking you fellow tapas user to review my work, art and writing.
from 1 (awful) to - 10 (great) what do you think of my work. please i know is asking a lot but two grades, one for writing wich envolves character development, plot, phasing, narrative. and other thar is art character desing, enviorment, perspective, etc.

it will be so much helpful for me, also leave your own comic if you want me to review it as well.

BurntSushi 2017-03-10 23:27:50 UTC #2

Just judging by the most recent page, I'd give the art somewhere between 7 and 10, not so sure. It's not bad.
For writing, aside from grammar(which needs work, as an example "We only bringed you" should be "We only brought you", or "Let me see what are we dealing with" should be "Let me see what we are dealing with"), some of the sentences feel like they are unnecessary or are phrased poorly, such as
"It's okay, I can do it, It will be fun by the way.
would probably be better as just
"It's okay, I can do it. It will be fun."
maybe add flavoring depending on the speaker
"It'll be fun" "It might be fun" "Who knows, it might be fun" , etcetera.
Edit: Going to the first page, I like it. Has a great hook, brings you right into what you should expect of the series.

sam1992ca 2017-03-10 23:43:00 UTC #3

sorry for the grammar abomination @BurntSushi haha, i struggle a little with that being english not my main languaje, but thanks on the advice, i will work on that more.

doodlesoupcomics 2017-03-12 17:03:50 UTC #4

I had a look at your comic, and I would suggest (imo) that you give more depth to the objects in your art. For example, you could make some areas/people darker by shading - that way, the reader will have an easier time focusing on one main object in the panel. Right now, I think that I have difficulty with that, because the whole environment looks "flat". For example, the latest episode, you could emphasize the presence of the sword cutting through the rope more (if not for the "CHOP", I wouldn't have noticed the sword was there).

could you also give my comic a review? thanks a lot

VikiKuli 2017-03-12 18:19:23 UTC #5

I'm not much of a judge of writing, as I consider even less skilled in that than my art haha. But as for art, I would give your comic between a 7-8. You're style is unique and captivating, even though in grayscale (generally not my favorite) you manage to create good use of shadows and textures.
For the action sequences (like the latest page). You have a pretty good handle of movement and you diversify paneling (which I always enjoy and have to work on myself). What I would suggest working on, and I don't know if this is a quick fix or not, is to work more on the FLOW of the movement. While I could tell in the latest update combat was happening, I was at times a little lost of exactly where it was going. For example, on the 3rd page of the latest update on the first panel, where the sword cuts the head, I would suggest capturing the moment right after the sword had finished going through, as the focus on the sword would be in the center of the panel rather than the edge.
Also, I would suggest working on how you portray ground. While I get the lines is a stylized choice, I would suggest either leaving the ground blank instead or, if using the lines, add in more details like small rocks, pebbles, grass etc. Very small detail, take it only if you want it!
Overall, very good work so far, something I really enjoy is the expressions of the characters and how it captures their personality!
If you would like to review my comic, be my guest, but it is completely up to you!!! We all have busy lives ^_^ :Wednesday7

uhokhjol 2017-03-12 19:04:16 UTC #6

I've seen your advertisement posts earlier, and I made a few attempts to read it, but it was a little bit hard for my eyes due to the size of letters (when there is a lot of text and all in small letters, it's really hard to read), and all the pictures felt so... flat, I don't know how to explain - when you use like two or three shades of grey, it doesn't create much depth, and it's hard for the eye to notice the main objects. But in compare to first pages, you improved a lot, and I respect your persistency. Your style is cool, like in old-school mangas. Imho, the frames are a lil bit small and page feels like overwhelmed with those frames, but it's just my personal opinion. And if you scroll through your pages, you'll see, that you use mostly one angle (all the characters are en face and in the same size, I mean, you never draw objects up close, it's like old superhero comics, it gets boring to read, when you see just "talking heads" in all the frames).
Keep on doing, you already did a great work!