Hi, Fraggle.
I spoke to my writer about your post and asked him to look over De Los Muertos.
This is what he had to say...
Hullo Fraggle. Chris here.
Regarding your comic, I have some feedback and much of it is not kind.
However, you are asking for feedback and seem genuinely interested
in your own growth and development as a webcomic creator.
Do note that I'm not a particularly skilled writer,
so take my critique as from the perspective of a reader.
Firstly, comics are as you know, a visual medium.
While your comics are colorful, there is no variation of line quality
(Thicker lines for closer objects thinner lines for objects further away, for example),
which will cause your art to appear flat and fail to catch a potential reader's eye.
With the age of information technology, attention spans are getting shorter and shorter
so a creator has only moments to catch a viewer's attention.
Secondly, premise.
In scriptwriting there is a term known as the Elevator Pitch.
This represents a screenwriter trying to chase down a producer,
corner him in the elevator and try to sell him the idea of his film
before the elevator reaches its destination.
When writing a comic I usually follow this format.
It goes like this:
Pitch - Outline - Treatment - Script
1.) Logline / Pitch - Your entire premise in a single sentence.
A boy's stuffed tiger comes to life and they embark on grand adventures (Calvin & Hobbes)
This is the most important part of snagging a publisher's attention.
This is where you tell people "My project is special! Look at meeeee!"
If they are interested, producers will want to see your outline and then treatment.
2.) Outline - your series summed up on one page in point form.
3.) Treatment - a short 1-2 page summary elaborating on the points of the outline.
4.) Script - the actual document you want the producer to read, but time is money and
they won't bother to thumb through pages of documentation if your initial pitch
doesn't grab them.
Now, going back to the pitch...
"De Los Muertos is a cartoon about ghosts haunting the world after the zombie apocalypse occurs."
I have questions.
1.) Why ghosts and zombies together?
What potential did you see for both these forms of undead together in the same story?
2.) Why De Los Muertos? Names are important and give people an idea as to the theme of the story.
In this case I was surprised to find that even though you named your comic after a Mexican holiday,
there was nothing Mexican-themed in the comic at all.
3.) Who are your target audience? i.e the demographic you want to appeal to?
For example Bill Watterson's Calvin and Hobbes was clearly aimed at adults seeking to recapture
the magic of childhood and a child's imagination.
Next is the matter of character.
In order for a reader to bond with a character they must first be drawn to the character's visuals,
namely their appearance and design.
As a reader, neither of your ghost protagonists draw my eye.
They are sheets with faces. In fact, it took me a few strips to tell them apart (the shapes of their heads).
However, that matters little since neither have any defining or identifiable personality traits
meaning one could easily be swapped out for the other.
The ghosts felt more like just mouths for delivering gags than actual characters with traits that can be played for laughs.
As for the punchlines, your humor relies heavily on references (such as Bob Zombie),
which can be an issue for people unfamiliar with the source and delivery seems flat.
Also limiting yourself to two panels may be too constraining to delivery.
I find I need around 4-6 to deliver a punchline.
Example: https://tapas.io/episode/1497655
Though there are exceptions https://tapas.io/episode/1472776
So, to sum it all up:
1.) Premise fails to engage.
2.) Lack of visual punch in the panels.
3.) Characters lack visual definition.
4.) Characters lack personality traits.
5.) Humor is too referential.
6.) Punchline falls flat in delivery.
7.) Too few panels to work with.
Hopefully that helps.