Give a book from you childhood a funny summery

[thel3tterm]

Local 12 year old commits many crimes, somehow gets away with it.

[Freemints30]

You know that bratty annoying kid that caused so much shit for you. She's the protagonist now...and some how less awful that all the other people.

[KilljoyConstruct]

“Cats that live in the woods and kill each other, even after they’re dead. Seriously, there’s a cat hell where evil dead cats go to form their little gremlin schemes to kill more cats.”

[rajillustration]

You pretend you've ever read these books, but all the other kids say they're so freakin scary so you never have. It's in your backpack because you rented it from the school library to look cool. You have not opened it. Teacher asks "what's your favorite scary story?" And you say "goosebumps" because you don't know any other scary books, and when that one kind of goth kid asks "oh which one?" you're super intimidated because he's hella cool and never talks to you, so you just tell them the story of Bloody Mary and he goes "omg that ones soo scary that's my favorite one too. Have you seen the TV show? So scary" and you lie and say "yah. Every week."

I have still never bothered to read a Goosebumps book and I have a hard time believing that even half of us did.

[Pony_wearing_a_hat]

Meanwhile, a bus driver shirks all his responcibilities on six year olds

[Zaboem]

The local police are so incompetent that they cannot solve crimes which a ten year old resolves in minutes.

[Pony_wearing_a_hat]

Oh these books were my JAM!

Also Ten year old girl will kick your ass if you so much as touch her friend/source of entertainment.

[allenT]

I have no idea this 'Peter & Jane' books i've been fed on as a little kid, is from the 60s.

Basically boy and girl do things together, kids friendly version.

[Pony_wearing_a_hat]

Wha- Is the title of the book actually "look at this" ?

[allenT]

Well they come in series.

[Pony_wearing_a_hat]

Oh... no. No, no, no. I don't- I can't- I just-... No.

[Iris-Grimoire]

Whoo boy, here's Deltora Quest.

Come for the weird High Fantasy, stay for the endless traumatic experiences.
Gaslighting? Physical trauma? PTSD? Almost getting converted into a cult and having to rip out a bit of face flesh so the mind control mask comes off? We've got it all.

[Pony_wearing_a_hat]

Okay, quick question, what age demographic are these targeted at?

[Iris-Grimoire]

Scholastic says it's recommended for ages 8-10 which... Is a bit underestimating the story. Though, the more traumatic stuff does come from the 2 sequel arcs, so it's possible that younger kids just don't get the weight of events in The Shifting Sands or Lair of the Beast since it's way more surreal.

[thel3tterm]

OH MY GOD I USED TO LOVE THESE. The face ripping masks bit still haunts me to this day. Also the weird scene involving hotsprings, a paralytic fruit and killer birds? Its been a very long time, but I recall everyone almost dying.

[kitkatxk]

A woman has a mashup of disharmonious mishaps due to her own lack of wit, all while trying to take care of children.

[crowstories]

Stalker girl learns a lesson about writing unkind things, but not so much about sneaking into strangers' houses.

[Iris-Grimoire]

Someone on reddit just reminded me of the fun field of flesh eating flowers in Return to Del. Probably one of the few times in the series I cared about Barda significantly, but holy shit.

It's almost funny that I started reading Wings of Fire recently and a real complaint that I had is that everyone dies or gets injured too easily. Lief and co. go by """fine""" with broken limbs, lacerated everything, MANY instances of infected wounds and you're telling me that a dragon dies instantly to a quick cut on the neck? C'mon. (the books are still good though)

[tiredpigeon]

They read this book to me when i was 4. amazing. AT MY FREAKING PRE SCHOOL.

a woman breaks into a school and kidnaps all the bad children. when they're never seen again, she comes back for the worse ones.

they'd always say "you're going to see witch lady whose name i don't remember!" whenever a kid would be bad-

lol the nightmares i got from this bullcrap

[MeltingCORE]

Two step-sisters don't get along and a lonely ghost girl comes to smack some sense into them by being a creep.

(Haha, this was the first spooky story I ever remember reading and I adored it.)