Good ways to write couples / develop relationships?

konamanta 2018-02-01 00:29:59 UTC #1

Hey all, hoping to hear some advice and how other writers deal with this kind of problem.

I feel like I'm fairly good at writing build up to romantic relationships, and enjoy doing so - the characters meeting, bonding, and eventually becoming a couple. However, I feel I have problems writing what comes next, such as in a sequel or something - I'm not sure how to develop a relationship after it's established.

I feel like I see a common trope in media where the first installment of a series will show the characters hooking up, but the second installment, now that they're together, is 90% of the time just making them have relationship problems. they fight, their relationship is on the line, maybe they break up, and then they apologize and hook up with each other at the end of the story. Rinse and repeat for any other sequels. While some dysfunctional couples can make sense and be well written, I feel like a lot of times this trope is used it's just a lazy rehashing of making the characters bond and fall in love again just like the first time, hitting the same notes instead of writing legitimately new development.
(please note I'm not saying having couples fight or break up is bad, just that I often see a cliche where this is a lazy rehash of what's already happened, instead of actually moving the relationship in new directions.)

I'd like to further develop relationships, but want to show a healthy relationship where the two involved mostly get along and are loving and supportive of each other with only minor issues. However, I'm not sure how to write this without it seeming boring. the only other option I feel I have is causing the two romantically involved characters to be mostly in separate locations or subplots through the story, so that while they get along, in practice they have little "screen time" together.

How do my fellow awesome writers handle writing relationships? How do you portray happy-but-realistic couples after they have gotten together and been with each other for a while without falling into cliche? Thanks for any tips!

TLDR not sure how to write happy couples, feel like I can only A) make them fight or be dysfunctional, or B) simply have the two characters not interact much with each other through the story

storytimebiondi 2018-02-01 00:45:25 UTC #2

I'll preamble this by saying that I've been happily married for the last 4 years, and have been through a lot of crazy relationship ups and downs before that.
My second preamble is that I've also dabbled in these kinds of ideas about writing relationships, and have created a character couple.

I feel like the best couples are written the way you would write a good set of best-friends. They act the same as best friends, or siblings, or whichever. It's the idea that they don't see breaking up as an option. That's bit one.
The second bit is that the problems they encounter may be just differences in personal philosophies that they need to overcome. Maybe it was a gift that one thought was a good idea that the other thought was offensive. Breaking up isn't an option, but it gives them something to grow on together. The idea being that they meet in the middle (as any healthy relationship would [or one realizes that they're being silly]).
It may sound dull, to some degree, but I really enjoy writing healthy relationships. They're a lot of fun when you get a pace going. It leaves open more plots about building teamwork. Solving unified problems together.

joannekwan 2018-02-01 00:51:21 UTC #3

From my own experience, I write either the events leading up to a happy relationship, or couples that are already set in their ways. I rarely have unhappy dysfunctional couples as I like them to sort out the majority of their differences before they're together together.

While keeping both of them in close proximity to each other, physically and emotionally, you could have them tackle issues that life in general can throw at them. Maybe one of them loses a job, they deal with a death in one of their families, or on a lighter note, they get a pet together, they go on vacation etc. Relationships are all about supporting each other in hard times and good times. And while a couple might not always agree on how to do things, healthy couples will always respect each other and try to compromise.

catluckey 2018-02-01 06:42:43 UTC #4

I liked the comments given. I just want to share this. There's a Mary Sue Litmus test that talk on that topic. Here's the link:
Writing Romance/Relationships/Shipping

I'm working on a romance scifi with 2 couples and I like the idea of staying together, learning about each other, growing, and fighting for each other...yeah, there'll be disagreements, pain because of that person's sensitivity to the situation. There'll be playfulness, a slap in the face, acceptance, rejection (for a short period), love, crushes...it's gonna be a fun ride and I want to see it.

If you feel that way about your couple...like you want to be there and see them, enjoy time with them, then I think that's most important.

Here's some shameless advertisement!

Hope this helps!

xanedis 2018-02-01 07:54:01 UTC #5

Then there's the way some tend to do it, which is to have an "experienced couple" face REALLY hard decisions that either threaten to - or, eventually - rend their world.

One good idea(for a fantasy or a modern-age fantasy writer) would be to have this couple hook up, and keep up their amicable relations in the second part of the story, showing through their interactions with the people and the events what kind of couple they really are. Show how each individual thinks, and if there's a root for conflict, go for it. Resolve it in writing. It'll result in a beautiful image, showing that some couples don't need drama to thrive, but rather challenges and the strength to overcome them as a unit as opposed to going at it all alone.

Draconic 2018-02-01 08:56:09 UTC #6

Remove all the sugarcoat and you will see the core. A riddle for you.

Wumbl 2018-02-01 09:38:47 UTC #7

I'd recommend building it from the ground up.
Why do they need each other?
Do they have specific traits that the other benefits from?
How long are they going to be together / have they been together?
What would be the challenges they face, both outside of their relationship and inside? (A healthy relationship does have challenges)
What habits are specific between them? (behaviours that they reserve for each other)
What are they looking to help each other with?
Do they have any periods of time that specifically test their relationship? (without abusive behaviours of course)

Work out why they're together based on those factors, and then build the rest up from that reason. You'll find that relationships are actually pretty simple once you figure out why they're happening. If you know what their relationship is at its roots, you can have them interact healthily based on that.

jpnakashima 2018-02-02 20:30:53 UTC #8

Not totally related, I feel, but TV tropes has the opposite for these kind of couples you describe in which the characters keep breaking up and making out:

Maybe there's something for you in there.

DiegoPalacios 2018-02-02 20:38:30 UTC #9

In this link you can find many examples of happy marriages in media that defy the law of drama.
Maybe those examples can help to understand how to write those relationships.

beta1042 2018-02-02 22:13:51 UTC #10

The reason it is so common to have a couple face problems and are always on the brink of breaking up is because a story is boring if everything is happy and going according to plan.

If you want to write about a relationship that is healthy and strong, but still have an interesting story your conflicts have to be of the nature of:
-something that causes problems in one or both characters life, but is not something that is cause for fight between the couple. Then develop the strength of the relationship by having the couple support eachother to overcome the conflict.

This means that your story will usually have to have another major component to it that is causing the conflicts for the character that is not a major part of the romantic component. For example, one or both characters may have a crappy job or boss. Or You could have a bad family member. Or there could be some sort of social issue, or even something supernatural causing problems. Or mix and match all of these. The bottom line is, these issues will not translate to strife in the relationship, instead it makes the relationship stronger.

Also I think it is important that if the couple disagrees that they have meaningful dialogue which doesn't necessarily lead to a fight. Believe it or not, you can have a discussion with someone, weigh the pros and cons, and just learn from it without fighting. But you may have to avoid certain character types.

Jenny-Toons 2018-02-02 22:26:34 UTC #11

It also helps to look from experience, especially if you know of couples that are happy together.

For example, my aunt and uncle have been together for 23 years (together 15 years and married 8 years). As an outsider, I've definitely seen their ups and downs. They may have disagreements, but those are never enough to break them up.

When I make healthy couples, I usually draw from them because they are a good definition of a healthy happy couple.

konamanta 2018-02-09 01:01:25 UTC #12

Thanks for the response! That was actually kind of beautiful, "it's the idea that they don't see breaking up as an option." I appreciate your insight into how to develop relationships without just making them fight for drama. I especially like your comparison of writing them as best friends (because really a couple should be), which makes it easy to conceptualize. I'm gonna try to use this advice in the future!

konamanta 2018-02-09 01:03:12 UTC #13

That's interesting and helpful. For character arcs, I generally try to take each of my main and sometimes supporting characters and give them at least 1 way to develop or one arc to deal with throughout the story. This sounds like treating the couple as one entity to try to work together, to assign them an arc, subplot, or issue, but instead of dealing with it individually to do so as a team or one functioning unit. Thanks for the tip, I'm going to keep this in mind!

konamanta 2018-02-09 01:08:41 UTC #14

Thanks! that's pretty useful actually.