I read Part One. I actually think Part One itself is fine as a webcomic's chapter one.
It introduces Heiroe and Red and their dynamic. We also learn what sort of world they live in, Heiroe's expectations of himself versus the reality, and how Heiroe reacts to his shortcomings. And it ends with a call to the reader to go to the next chapter to find out what Heiroe's father, who sees him as the Chosen One, expects of him.
Also I assume this script is for yourself as you draw the comic?
One thing I might suggest is not forgetting to add character's reactions and their expressions. For example in the beginning car/monster action scene, there's a lot of action descriptions but not a lot of reaction or emotional descriptions.
Heiroe lunges to punches it in the head.
Its head spins around and bites his arm.
Red sticks her staff through its mouth.
Since the current script doesn't mention Heiroe's reaction, I as a reader am not sure how to react to him getting bitten.
Same for when Heiroe sees his father dispel the darkness in a flash with his cane. I don't see his or anyone's reaction so I'm not sure how to feel about that scene.
Compared to that:
Heiroe: I'm fine! I don't need your help!
Then Red stopped, and looked away sadly.
Heiroe looked immediately guilty about this.
I like this. I can immediately imagine the characters expressions and so it becomes easier to relate to Red or Heiroe. They feel real when I can see/read their reactions and emotions.