Hello! I gave the first three chapters a read and here are my thoughts;
The opening is interesting and attention grabbing, I like that a lot!
However, I would definitely mention her having a young face along with white hair and what not, since white hair does often go along with older women. I would also describe the city scape, I found myself grasping and flopping wildly between what time era it was set in until the second chapter and mention of a TV.
Then the next who chapters were very exposition heavy-- I know you have to build the world and system from scratch and your explanations to make sense but it is a lot all at once. I'd suggest not dumping it all so close together like that somehow.
But you seem to be building a pretty interesting world, none the less. I loved the conversation where the leads were talking about their family life in chapter 3, fleshing them out a bit outside of just world building. They seem like fun characters.
Little nit-picks I have: the stutters when the characters are thinking-- where it's a little excessive in conversation as well, I can look past that a little more. It's just not very needed in their thoughts. Though, as a pointer, you could just write ["Words?" X stammered out.] or [X stumbled uselessly over their words before finally spitting out, "a sentence idk"]. And you seemed to switch tenses from present to past. I'd also just add more description (similes and metaphors too) in general-- but that's more because I'm a sucker for that stuff hah;;
If you want to return some feedback back at me, feel free, I have a collection of short stories so it doesn't matter what chapter you read. They're not connected. But you don't have to if you don't want:
