I was wondering how could I make the pacing of this first chapter of my comic Seishin Patona better? This comic is supposed to be an action, adventure fantasy. I have always struggled with pacing or getting the story going this is why I ask. Here's a link to the comic: http://tapastic.com/series/Seishin-Patona12
Nov '15
Nov '15
Do you do any storyboards or scripting beforehand or do you jump straight into it? (btw I haven't fully read it yet because my internet's being terrible right now xD; some pages are still loading )
I write a summary,do a storyboard then I do the final page. I don't want to jump into it careless. I was just because the pacing seems more fitting for a more slow paced story.
That's good that you're doing that ^^!! It's the best way to figure out pacing. Also I just read your first chapter and I think the pacing is absolutely fine!! It's good to start out a little slow in the first chapter to introduce the world + characters to the reader. It helps people understand the world they are in and the obstacles taking place in the story etc. But yeah, I think you're on the right track honestly ^^!!
I think the most jarring thing is how much is explained to us. His "Despite being human I will stand against my own race and fight this injustice," voice-over really isn't necessary, and this scene is the least convenient place to put this exposition. Since he has no one to talk to, he has to think to himself about things he already knows and has decided so that readers can learn it -- but he's just about to meet someone who knows nothing about his plan.
If he just looks up, glares at the stage while everyone else is clapping, and thinks to himself "...This is wrong," that is literally all we need to see in order to understand that he wants to do something about it. If the woman on the stage were to explain what her demonstration is (instead of Zethero's voice-over), then Zethero wouldn't have to tell us "humans are cruel" -- we would be able to see it in the way the woman cheerfully talks about this great new use of seishin energy without caring about the girl she's using.
One place where you might be feeling the slower pace is the conversation on p8-12ish, because the story and "forward drive" of what Zethero's doing are kind of paused, so that they can have a cute conversation about why he cares about the seishin and something about Aureen's former teacher. Their tone isn't urgent, they're just having a little chat, in a VERY unnatural place for a chat. (I think this COULD work as a character moment, if you wanted to portray Zethero as sort of forgetting that he's in the middle of something, but I don't get the sense that you were going for that?)
On the other hand, this is PERFECT place to introduce exactly what the pact is and what it does, without Zethero needing to monologue it on page 3. I think the bit where Aureen is surprised he can see her is nicely done exposition. But if, instead of moving the conversation to his childhood friend, he told her, "I hate what humans are doing to you. I want to help you. If we make a pact, if you will make me a Seishin Patona, we can both be strong enough to get you out--"etc etc, you would stay on track, and it would be a really natural introduction to exactly what his plan for breaking her out is.
I don't think you should cut out conversation altogether here; I don't even think you need to have fewer pages of conversation. It is the feeling that they're just making idle conversation without a purpose that slows the pace down. You could even slip in a note about Zethero's childhood friend, but instead of idle conversation, it would be Aureen wanting to know "why do you want to help me?" -- and the scene would keep its purpose.
Meanwhile, in Chapter two, you have two pretty big fight scenes one right after the other, and you skip over the ten-minute space in between when they're sneaking. That sort of space could be a good place for a character moment if you wanted them to have a moment to chat with less urgency; for her to ask this human she just met about what exactly he's planning while they sneak through the city, or for him to ask if she'd be willing to head to Onato's Palace. To me, this is a much more natural place to slow the pace for a moment.
I do wanna say, I don't think this is a big enough deal that you need to go back and change anything! I don't think you're having trouble getting things going, honestly; the first chapter is very short and saying "it gets a little slow for a couple of pages but then picks back up" is definitely not something that's slogging down your story. And I think it's VERY good that you don't jump straight into fight scenes before we get to know and care who these characters are. But thinking about where to put information is something to keep in mind when you're putting together future storyboards! You don't have to rush the information out as fast as you're trying to do.
Something I think you did well is Aureen's comment about Zethero being able to see her -- Zethero doesn't mention in his monologue that many humans can't see the seishin, and he doesn't need to, because as soon as Aureen makes that comment, other things come together in the reader's brain -- "Ohhhhh, no wonder humans are so cruel to seishin, no wonder they aren't ashamed to demonstrate her suffering -- they can't see the person they're hurting, so it doesn't bother them." And that can keep coming up naturally -- if Aureen mentions to Zethero when they see some guards "these ones will be able to see me, too" or "we don't have to worry, these people won't be able to see me," then the reader can begin to learn how this works as they go, rather than needing it explained in an infodump.
Okay so these are my thoughts on what you have so far; SORRY FOR SO MANY WORDS I know I am very longwinded -- and HOPEFULLY THAT MADE SOME SENSE, but as is always the case with critique, think it over but feel free to disregard anything that doesn't ring true for you!!! ;u; I wish you the best as your comic continues!!
So I had this big reply all ready to go but then @shazzbaa went ahead and pretty much said what I was going to say. (And hers is better articulated too!)
I agree that sometimes the first chapter has got to explain some things and set stuff up and sometimes that means things move slower than expected.
As was stated earlier, let the action guide the adventure. 
Your characters actions (and reactions) can tell us just as much about their world (and who they are) as their words can.
Keep up the great work!
[Edit] The music you have on Ch 2 Page 24 is the song that plays when my alarm clock goes off every morning. 
Awesome choice!
