How to make the beginning of my comic more effective?

frgmnt 2021-04-25 17:49:40 UTC #1

There's a lot of talk how the first pages of your webcomic are extremely important, they make it or break it for the potential reader. If you don't hook them from the start, don't even bother, etc. A slow, non-indicative start is supposedly one of the biggest turn-offs for webcomics.
I think that's one of the problems with my own comic - how long it takes to get started on anything, and ends up seeming unfocused.

Although there's a short prologue meant to hook in the reader, after that there's a jump into a different situation with different people, talking about things that seem completely irrelevant at this point. (They are relevant, but... it'll be a while tbh.) The main character doesn't even really appear again (as in, not in flashbacks) until almost 40 pages in.

I was stubbornly clinging to this intro for a long time (and it was the best thing I could come up with), but eventually started thinking I'm doing it wrong and there has to be a way to do it better. To make the story's premise and themes more obvious early on, and make the beginning more in-line with what most of the story is going to be. As it is now, the intro is actually mostly non-indicative of the whole story, and not in the "well-executed tone shift" way.

(Honestly, the problems go way beyond the pages I've drawn, but I've decided to tackle the beginning first. I feel I can't make any progress without getting through that hurdle...)

On one hand I'm afraid it might be difficult for people who aren't living in my head to see exactly what I want to do here - no one can write my story for me, after all. But on the other hand, I really might need a different perspective. I'd greatly appreciate any help. If you need something clarified, feel free to ask any questions.

darthmongoose 2021-04-25 18:19:26 UTC #2

I think you've identified a big reason your comic isn't gaining the kind of traction it ought to for the quality of the writing and art, so the good news is, you know what the issue is here.

Honestly looking at the first few updates, this wouldn't be terrible pacing if it was a print book, but alas, the online attention economy is a cruel mistress.

The main issues I'm seeing here are:

There is a prologue and it's showing that there's more going on than what seems like a slice of life drama from the pages after it, but the character in the prologue is just waiting to get out of the prologue, which isn't inherently interesting.
Possible solution: The prologue needs to either show her getting into that situation where she's stuck OR making efforts to either get out of it or master that new reality she's stuck in.
The prologue is a bit dark and muddy in terms of colour value. A bit more contrast would really spice it up. Make the most of that very pale character in the dark surroundings to make her pop and give an ethereal, ghostly feel. I do really like the blue of that other world contrasting the warm coffee tones of the "real" world, just push your levels a bit.

The key pieces of information you need to get across in your story seem to be:
1. Main character was suicidal, but her suicide attempt lead to her getting stuck in some kind of dark dimension. This should definitely happen on camera. We should at least see her wake up and try to get out, then perhaps a montage leading to her giving up and waiting, but then we need to see her notice some kind of opportunity...
2. The main character is in a coma and her friends visit her in hospital. This bit is fine.
3. MC has done something that draws them to the place where they can interact with her "ghost". Have... I dunno, a white cat or a bird or something that they follow, or one of them thinks they hear or see something and it draws them there, or they get a weird spooky unknown text message... have something happen that the audience can trace back to MC that makes it so she's actively doing something.

Overall, it's almost there, and mostly you just need to more quickly establish what the main character wants to achieve (getting out of the shadow world) and show her making efforts to achieve that goal that make it clear what obstacles are in the way so that the audience gets pulled in and wants to know how she's going to do it.

frgmnt 2021-04-25 19:01:15 UTC #3

Thank you for your reply, it really helped me look at some things differently and think about them!

So I'm thinking that the process of how Eve ended up in this situation (stuck in the dark world) isn't actually so clear?
Chronologically, there is an important scene involving Eve that happens between the suicide attempt and her waking up in the dark world, but I wasn't planning to show it until much later - Eve does not remember this scene until much later when some spoilery stuff happens to trigger that memory. But the reader has no way of knowing that, so maybe I should imply that in some way, like, Eve realizing she's forgotten something important when she wakes up...

So, the MC being passive early on is kind of intentional actually. She quickly gave up on trying to leave that dark world, and accepted it was some kind of afterlife punishment etc. Some characters will call her out on being so passive later, and there'll be an event that'll lead to her becoming more proactive... but it's still a long way until it Yeah, it's a problem. I definitely should try to make that event happen faster.
The fact that Karen & Mark entered the world Eve's stuck in was actually mostly thanks to Karen and her sort of sixth sense regarding paranormal stuff So Eve had no direct involvement in it... But I guess that also isn't very clear to the reader.

I guess it's kind of hard to pull the story along with a passive protagonist that just doesn't want to do anything. That's why early on, before she finds her resolve, this responsibility to keep the plot going actually lies on other characters.

I have no idea if this makes for an interesting, engaging story, and it's certainly hard to make the readers care about an apathetic protagonist... That being said though, running away from everything and shutting herself away is also some sort of a goal, that Eve has for now, so I should perhaps make it clearer why is she this way.

darthmongoose 2021-04-25 19:48:46 UTC #4

Okay, knowing your thought process, I can see what you were going for maybe. So here's a possibility:

What if while Eve and getting her out is the crux of the story, you don't have her as the protagonist?

So in this alternative approach, you remove the prologue, remove her narration, and you start out with Karen and Mark as our protagonists. They are sneaking into a spooky place. They see this weird spooky ghost, and... gasp! Karen and Mark seem to know who the ghost is!? (cliffhanger)
Now we jump to some sort of explanation. You can have Eve do this, or Karen or Mark and they can be explaining it to the reader... or to some outsider who lives in the comic like... I dunno, a counsellor or a friend or another ghost. Somebody needs to explain that Eve is stuck in the dark world after a suicide attempt, and the goal is to her her out. Now we get the second complication/motivator cliffhanger: and it's kind of Karen's fault. (this does lead me to feel like Karen should be the main character in this version).

Try scripting a few approaches and keep in mind that the main thing to do is to set up scenarios exciting or emotional moments, problems and mysteries that the audience will want to see resolved, and to have the protagonists always be doing stuff. Try to think of your comic as a medium to deliver drama, and think of the best setup to keep supplying either drama or the promise of drama to come consistently.

frgmnt 2021-04-25 20:07:02 UTC #5

Well... tbh that is more or less what I had in mind years ago before I arrived at the current version I ended up changing it because most of the story past the first chapter (for reference, the pages I have posted are around 80% of the first chapter... and the 1st chapter was going to be the shortest one, RIP me) is seen through Eve's eyes, the central themes are about her personal growth, confronting her problems etc. so it only seemed right that she needed to be the protagonist.
Though it does create an issue in how the early parts, told mostly from the POV of characters who aren't Eve, end up being non-indicative of the rest of the story...

Still this is good advice, I'm going to think of ways to apply it more~

LCT_m_a_d 2021-04-25 22:12:48 UTC #6

Page 43 the very last panel...
I love it, it has focus, artistic expression and a sense of natural genius. I only see it here though.
Which makes everything else seems like a placeholder in comparison. (More of a compliment to your potential)

DiegoPalacios 2021-04-25 22:33:40 UTC #7

Will go with a tip that helped me a lot with pacing:

Everytime you make a chapter you gotta ask yourself 2 questions:

1-It is relevant?: does it help move the plot or reveal something important about one or more characters?

2-It is entertaining?: does it makes readers feel an emotion? any emotion?(as long as it's not boredom). Does it makes them laugh, cry, feel excited, angry, scared, make their heart warm or any form of emotional investment?

The perfect pacing would answer yes to both questions in every chapter, but that is not always viable, but a good goal to aim for.

If an update is relevant but not entertaining, you probably have an info-dump. The key here is to look for a more interesting and organic form to share this relevant info.

If an update is not relevant but it is entertaining, is fun filler. This is forgivable if the entertainment value of said update is big enough, but if there is too much filler, readers may start thinking a story is going nowhere.

If an update is not relevant and is not entertaining....is completely unneccesary and i recommend you to delete it.

Hope this helps and wish you the best with your story.

rajillustration 2021-04-26 00:58:59 UTC #8

For me it was mostly that it was hard to read, even on a monitor. The font isn't my favorite, and the bubble margins are like...too close to the font sometimes (really everything felt a little bit crowded from the panels to the space between speech bubbles and characters, to the characters themselves). You had some really, really dark scenes that lacked that visual contrast. You also had some speechbubbles that weren't clear on either who was talking or when certain things should have been said (which, all of these things you did better at near the end)

But because these errors are near the beginning, it could scare people away. The prologue itself is short, but you're right...not 100% necessary. You can dive right into the school if you wanted to.

That and like...strictly speaking art here, I enjoy a pencil aesthetic to make a creepy scene, but it didn't quite hit home for me. Chances are this is like your first or second comic so I don't want to trash your art or anything, but doing horror often requires really particular attention to cinematic establishing shots, to cement the reader to the place that they're in. Otherwise, there's not much to be afraid of. Making contrast between Really Big establishing panels compared to small action panels also helps the reader to slow down as they read, and soak it in. Composition can do a lot to pull in a reader and keep them flipping the pages. Yet, most of these shots are midshots and mostly talking heads. Just needs more contrast.

I feel like you can have so much fun with the spooky locations and spooky stuff, I liked that stuff, and I would have liked to see more of it. You have a cool premise here, and storywise I do like what you've set up so far.

Kaydreamer 2021-04-26 03:14:46 UTC #9

I'm not going to go too deep into the story direction, prologue, structure and such, because I'm very much still a novice regarding all that. (I'm untrained, and just follow my gut on things.) But I do have a little advice which may help.

Prologue
If Eve is the main character, I think you should keep the prologue. Otherwise, it'll feel jarring to the audience when she suddenly becomes the main character later. But, make the prologue longer. Stretch the pacing out. Delve a little more into her thoughts at the point of suicide, and explore the dark realm she's in a little more.

Concurrent Storylines
You have a dead character and some living ones, and different readers will become attached to different characters. You don't want readers put off by the feeling that the story isn't focusing on the characters they're most interested in. So, tell two woven storylines, which intersect when the characters meet. You don't want to hop between them too often, that can be extremely jarring. But checking back in with Eve and her thoughts now and then, as she explores her world, will help the audience maintain a connection with her.

Art
The art is good overall, but there are two main things I'll point out.

Parts of the comic are way too dark. Even on a laptop screen. It wouldn't be readable on a phone, or outside. A dark environment is best portrayed in art through high contrast, so use a wider value range. In 'dark' scenes, you want about a 70/30 split between dark and light values. Most things are in shadow, so you'd use dark values for that, while using light values for rim lighting, helping define the shapes and expressions of the characters and environment.
You're going to have limited success on Tapas and WEBTOON with a page-formatted comic. Most readers are on mobile. I found this hard to swallow at first as well, but that's just the way it is. If you plan to reboot, go for a vertical scrolling layout. You can always set up the layers in such a way that you can arrange elements onto a page for printing later on. That's what I'm doing with mine now, and not only is it easier to read, it's really helped my pacing. There are things you can do with a vertical format, particularly where suspense is concerned, which can't be achieved on the page. It's a distinct medium, with a lot of advantages.

frgmnt 2021-04-26 13:04:38 UTC #10

Thanks y'all for taking your time to reply!

I absolutely agree about points such as font being too small, hard to read, not enough space with speech bubbles, not enough contrast, everything too dark in some pages etc. - it was indeed my first comic project, and this is all stuff I'm going to keep in mind when making a new comic (or rebooting this one, whichever comes first...)

Sounds good, and I was actually thinking of doing more or less both these things.

I still don't know whether I'll reboot this story as a comic or a game, but if it'll be a comic, I'll likely make it closer to vertical format. I'm honestly really not a fan of these looooong scrolling comics (you know the ones, one panel - tons of scrolling - another panel - even more scrolling etc.), but I suppose it doesn't have to look exactly like this.