I don't believe in the concept of love, even tho I enjoy reading romance, it's just fantasy to me, but I can't help but notice that most people can't agree on what love is, specially when guys define love more like something primal, and physical, and gals define it more like something emotional, and intellectual... what's your take on it? I did a bonus question because I reached my limit of questions for 1 day xD
Jul '21
Jul '21
Love encompasses a range of strong and positive emotional and mental states, from the most sublime virtue or good habit, the deepest interpersonal affection, to the simplest pleasure.
I guess if I was creating a definition off the cuff I'd say love is an emotional bond based on deep feelings of affection, commitment, and companionship. What love looks like between individuals is way more varied and complicated, which for some might be a more intellectual connection and others more physical, but most likely it's a mix and match of a lot of things. I don't think it's as gendered as you're presenting? Thats just my opinion, tho.
For the bonus question: Depends? I enjoy shipping things, either genuinely or as a joke, while I watch movies and tv shows, but I'm not super involved in fandoms or anything like that. When I read I prefer stories with a romantic component, and I just want to invest in that, so I don't typically "ship" in the same sense I might while watching a movie with a friend.
Honesty in the partnership makes any relationship strong and ships are hardly ever honest at times. The proper relationship is supposed to help each other improve and overall become better people and to me that symbolizes a great love story. To conclude, I'd say love is where the feelings of care is mutual but also acceptance for the two the knowledge that they can change and evolve into better people.
Love is complicated, different for everyone, messy, and not everyone wants to experience it, but it's a thing. In general though, it is a deep bond, one that's not easily forgotten, and not necessarily about romance - but about intimacy.
On the bonus question, meh. If the story works with the romance, whatever, if it doesn't, then it's a fault of the story. If there's none? Still going to judge it by the standards it set for itself, not the fandom's. I'll support ships for fun/jokes but it really shouldn't bring a story up or down, unless it'd legitimately fix a pacing issue or remove a problematic element like a toxic relationship being portrayed as good.
Like say, uh... X and Y have such a cool bond and look like they'd be best of friends or even lovers, but it's not canon. I don't care, I'll have fun with memes or art but the story's decisions have been set long before I interacted with the work. But if X and Z are "love at first sight" despite all the creepy behavior they display or even straight up abuse? I'd sigh and hope it was X and Y, but not going to fight over it, life's too short.
I would define love like this: it is when you take someone else's pain and happiness as your own, that person becomes an extension of yourself. If they are happy, you're happy, if they're sad, you're sad. That's why I think that one of the most important ingredients in any kind of relationship is knowledge, because if you don't know what makes them happy or sad, you can't relate and can't love them.
I wrote a short story about love that didn't have romance, and it talks about this very thing.
We use the word "love" now, but many years ago, there were several words that represented different types of love.
There's eros, or the passionate sexual type of love.
There's philia, or the affectionate love that's not always romantic.
There's agape, or the love someone has for the world or a religious figure.
There's storge, or the love you feel for your family, a sports team, an organization, or even a fandom!
There's ludus, or the infatuation you feel when you have a short-term crush, or when you temporarily feel something for a new friend.
There's pragma, the rarest kind, where you fully trust someone and you're committed to them, whether it's a friendship or a romantic relationship.
Finally, there's philautia, or simply loving yourself.
After writing that anti-love story, I think of love in several parts like this. It's not just the heart-racing ludus that everyone talks about. Sometimes love just... is.
Oh, and as for shipping, I'll sum it up in one sense.
"I don't care who Goku likes, but I'll tell you why he can beat Superman—"
I guess love can be any feeling of closeness? You love your dog, you love your kid. Idk english word for love is very vague lol usually other languages actually split platonic and romantic love.
Shipping can either make or break the story. I sometimes lose interest when the overall plot get sidetracked for FEELS. I notice its a pattern for long running stories. Good plot but suddenly a love interest and it tanks. Sometimes it works but maybe I just read a lot of action/fantasy where it doesn't.
Love is commitment
Not that mushy feeling you get, cuz that tends to fades over time the more and the longer you know someone
Love is a state of the universe. Love isn't a emotion, it's part of the nature and it's in everything and everywhere. You don't need to search for love, you only have to remember that is there, always has been, and always will be.
After you remember what love is, you'll love yourself and then the others. You'll accept everyone, but you won't let them disrespect you. You won't hate a murderer and wish the worst for him, you'll want the best for him and that he realizes the atrocity he committed. With true love you can see beyond what's in front of you, that's why it won't matter to you if your partner or friends are attractive or not. Love is also freedom, you'll want the best for others even though that's something you don't agree with. You'll let them live their lives.
What most people see as love is the emotion "enamoramiento", falling in love. It's a bond, chemicals, affinity of the soul, desire. It expresses with your family, friends, partners, children. But it leaves everyone else out. It's demanding and spectating, making you want to see others act in the way you want to show you they love you too. This emotion will vanish when there's nothing left to gain in the relationship. That's why your old friendships vanish and you no longer feel love towards them. That's also why your feelings for your ex vanish too, unless you're addicted.
Then there's pure physical attraction. There's no bond or affinity, only pheromones and instinct. Once the pheromones are gone, it'll be over.
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