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KennethLopezJr921
Sep '21

I don't usually like to rant but this is something I need to really get off my chest because frankly, I sick of this people with this behavior and attitude.

As artists, we all have shitty days. Sometimes we have moments where he hate our artwork and might compare ourselves to others. This is natural and there's nothing wrong with that. As long as you're able to calm yourself down and don't let your negative emotions control you and your way of thinking, you'll be okay.

However, I draw the line at people who constantly bitch and moan about it, ignore any advice and lash out those they're jealous of.

I had a friend last year who felt insecure about his art and would show signs of jealousy towards those he thought were better than him. And often times, the targets of his jealousy would be his friends. The first few times it happened, I refuted his beliefs and tried to encourage him and he would calm down and be like "you're right" only for it to happen again. Eventually his habit of getting jealous of his friends and lashing out at them would be turned over to me. He wanted to draw in the Disney style and didn't like his current style and thought it was "shit". So when someone like me, who's style is pretty reminiscent of disney, is an earshot away.... I cant count the many times he would lash out at me or delete art I'd post in a server we were in because he felt insecure or give me the cold shoulder out of nowhere. At some point I began getting fed up with the constant barrage of bullshit and because of that, we began drifting apart. But despite this, we didn't stop being friends until May of this year. In all honesty, I'm surprised I lasted that long but I should've left earlier when I had the chance.

Of course, there were moments where he stopped this bullshit by calming down, drawing ocs and then he was back to liking his art again, but in the year or so I knew him, he'd usually be back to hating his art and lashing out people again in a few weeks or so. Now I'm not saying that jealousy isn't normal and if you get jealous your a bad person. It's a normal thing to experience and heck I've been had bits of jealousy countless times. But you can't let it control you, that's the thing. You shouldn't let it control your thinking and lash out at people because your mind told you they did you wrong, especially to your friends. Yes, there will be times where you slip up but its on you to not let that shit happen again. That's what it means to say sorry. It's "not a get out of jail" free card! You have to actually mean it! You shouldn't expect your friends to deal with your toxic behavior!

If you want to be good at anything, you have to put in the effort and work on it! You wont get good by being a spiteful asshole. I wasn't going to get anywhere that attitude when I was 14. I wanted to a be a good artist but I wasn't good drawing. So I spent the past 5 years practicing and drawing everyday and I feel it's payed off. No one's telling you can't do it. The only one that's telling you your not good and that you'll never improve is you.

And, I know this sounds cold, but if you don't see any improvement despite drawing everyday and get angry about, you should just quit. If drawing art makes you so mad that you lash out at others and tell them to "fuck off", why are you still drawing? If you're going to have this attitude about drawing, maybe you shouldn't have started drawing in the first place.

And you know what's the funny thing about all of this? My friend wasn't a bad artist. His art was a okay, not terrible nor great, but there was room for improvement. As long as he studied anatomy, perspective, flow, etc, he'll be a damn good artist. He most likely wont able to draw in the Disney style but that's something he has to deal with. However, I dont think that will happen if he doesn't stop the cycle of inferiority, jealousy, and feeling better by drawing ocs, he's not going anywhere. I told him something akin to this but he didn't listen. At some point he's going to hit a brick wall and drawing his ocs wont save him this time.

I bring this up because I encountered someone similar to him on a discord server a while back. They ended up getting banned for toxic behavior and I can see why.

I feel like sorta went off the deep end with this discussion but I think you should take this lesson from it. If you're feeling self conscious about your artwork, let your insecurities take hold of you and lash out at your piers. I believe that everyone has the protentional to do be great, not just in art, but in general. But are you going to strive to be better or are you going to wallow in negative talk and let that hatred turn you into a monster?

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    Sep '21

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ar-ninetysix
Sep '21

I'm so sorry you had to put with a friend like that. It can be tough to make a choice whether or not to stick with 'em for the hope that they'll make it through that phase.. but of course, it doesn't always work out. It really is sad to hear about someone so stuck in their self-destructive ways when they just wanna ultimately improve. Makes you think about where it all could've gone wrong..

Zin_Trollborn
Sep '21

Honestly, be it about art or anything else, if someone's playing toxic like that I just kick them very far from me.
Life is too short to waste time with those people's bullshit. If they wish to make their own life a living hell, that's their problem, they should just better do that alone.
I learnt in life that you can't help someone that enjoys being an imaginary victim. A therapist or something could, but not any average person.
It's ok move back from people with this kind of behaviour, you did well.

M.ComicFan
Sep '21

Sorry you had to deal with that. I can understand the frustration of trying to improve at art, but not showing any signs of it. But what your former friend did was terrible. That said, I do hope that some day, he can find a way to get over these jealous habits of his somehow.

Tailzkip
Sep '21

I honestly just put those artists in the attention seekers box, that is if it's a regular thing for them to do. I pay little attention to their toddler games, "give me compliments so I can feel good about myself!"....How about, No... How about you earn them?

lomcia
Sep '21

I had an artist colleague and even two artists who picked on me for nothing and called me all the worst things a person could hear. Long story. I can tell you about it on discord one day. Don't worry, I gave up on the art community for a while because I am still angry with those people and my friends who stood up for me and then did something that broke my heart. Sometimes you have to walk away from people from the internet.

KennethLopezJr921
Sep '21
Zin_Trollborn

I definitely should've made this move earlier during our friendship but I'm glad that me and him are done with. And I'm more aware to avoid those types of people now!

KennethLopezJr921
Sep '21
M.ComicFan

For his sake, me too. Sure some of his freinds aren't too fuzzled about his behavior like I was but I think at some point he's going to push them all away.

Pommie
Sep '21

I wouldn't say that's a spiteful artist lol, I'd say that's a.. negative artist.

As someone who's been treated negatively by others, sometimes I use my spite to kinda... mentally think I'm getting better than old peers who talked down towards me and my career choice.

I've been in the place where my negative feelings take the best of me, so I learned to avoid everyone when I do since no one really deserves to be exploded at unless they treated me badly / tried to act two faced towards me.

TheOddFungi
Sep '21
Zin_Trollborn

This! I was going to say something along these lines too, and having dealt with a few people like this in my lifetime, trust me, no amount of effort on your end will help them.

Caro
Sep '21

I’ve known people like this and it can be such a huge drain of mental energy when its such a long, ongoing issue.

I’ve had to sit someone down once and tell them that I couldn’t continue handling all of the negative input. But it seems like they have other friends they can dump on so hopefully if it comes to it they’re not losing their only source of venting.

I think maybe you being direct with your feelings could help them see an outside perspective that may help get them to ease up a little in the future.

Scarlet_Cryptid
Sep '21

Geez, situations like that chap my tail feathers (or something like that. Do I have tail feathers? I dunno, I'm a cryptid).

I mean, we've all been there -- been jealous and even demoralized because someone else is better than us and/or where we want to be as an artist, and the path between your skills and theirs seems unknowable and impossible to travel. I've definitely looked at other artists and despaired of my skills before. That's natural, it happens.

But taking it out on someone else? Unacceptable. In general, it isn't okay to take your problems out on other people, unless those people did something out of either negligence or malice to cause those problems. (Being a better artist than you isn't something they 'did to you', no matter how much it may feel like that.) It's like the people who have a crappy day at the office, and then yell at the cashier at the grocery store because they're mad. Like... don't do that. That's never okay.

If it were a one-time occurrence, that'd be one thing. They unload on you, you talk them down, they apologize, and don't do it again... sure. That's fine. Everyone screws up, and lets their emotions get the better of them now and then. You forgive, do better, and move on.

But someone who won't do better (and I don't mean drawing), even after you've explained how their 'I suck and your skillz make me feel bad, wah!' pity party affects you? Nah. They're not sorry. They're in their own head. You can't help them, you can't fix them. They have to crawl out of their own hole before any real change will happen. At that point, you have to do exactly what you did -- pull back to protect yourself.

We all only have so much mental energy right now. You don't owe them any of yours. I'm glad you took care of yourself.

Kaydreamer
Sep '21

Your friend sounds extremely childish. That's the kind of behaviour I could understand coming from a ten-year-old. But to still be behaving in such a way well into your teens and beyond... that's a personal failing.

Something which is important to remember is that, while it's totally normal to be jealous, it's up to each individual not to act on that jealousy. I'm not terribly prone to jealousy, but it does hit me at times. When I find myself feeling that way, I'll detach myself from what I'm doing, and I'll go for a walk, or brew a tea, or whatever else. And I'll verbally remind myself that, in the grand scheme of things, I have very little to be jealous about.

It's okay to feel things, we're not in control of how we feel most of the time. But we are - most of us - in control of how we act.

wispysing
Sep '21

Your friend seeks art not for the sake of art, but because of its fulfillment to the ego. From what I get from your post is that your friend sees art as some sort of a stepping stone to achieve a sense of pride and accomplishment. It's something he jots down on his ego resumè. A jealous artist will desperately try to reach the level of art of another individual without necessarily lashing out to the said individual, but a jealous egomaniac will lash out to the individual instead of focusing better on his art.

crimson_mystery_cake
Sep '21

When I first started drawing it came at the realization that “wow other humans can do this why can’t I?” And that realization was both the best and worst thing I could have ever learned. On the one hand it inspired me to learn how to draw, on the other that’s where comparing myself to other people has come from. I think that that’s something that’s true for every artist out there. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that behavior.

Zin_Trollborn
Sep '21
TheOddFungi

@ZakuraTheFungi Isn't it? At first you try to be a true friend/lover/bro/whatever and stay at your negative friend's side no matter what because you think that's what a true friend is. But then, you get destroyed along that person little by little to the point where your misfortune becomes your friend's happiness so the burden of your relationship becomes shady as hell.
Well, that's the scenario where you are too stubborn/lost with yourself to leave :sweat_smile:

@KennethLopezJr921 There's nothing to regret, you did your best to stay friends and it didn't work out. And then, life is full of other interesting people to know about.
That's what we should all tell ourselves after such experiments ^^

esmesn
Sep '21

there's such a horrible plague of COMPARISON between artists. especially younger people. This is exemplified by some art styles being considered "trendy," with everyone trying to replicate it.

I used to have a group of friends a couple years ago, extremely toxic, a lot of stuff went down. but they were all artists, and even though that was fun sometimes, i still never want to have close artist friends after that. This one girl (the main offender, and main artist one), was a good artist. Maybe a little bit stiff in poses and stuff, still good art. But she had that cute, trendy, semi-anime style. And she would FLAUNT THAT. constantly comparing her style to me, saying her art was more ""aesthetic"" or something. I draw because it's fun. I don't think my art is particularly great or anything, and my style is a little weird, definitely not conventionally cute. and i don't care about it being cute. i just like drawing.

but that friend ingrained the idea of comparison in me. i still have this subconscious idea that my art style is ugly and unappealing, and that it's just the way it is. i should probably unfollow her on instagram (i got out of that friendship a long time ago), because whenever i see her post on her main account, showing her drawing with some nice music and filters and with everything matching that soft, pastel, cherry blossom aesthetic that everyone loves right now, i find myself getting jealous. and i don't wanna be like her, i don't wanna start comparing my art. but still, i'm not gonna post my art anywhere (except for some tapas comic promotions.....) on my main account. i wish i didn't feel like that, but that experience did some damage to me.

i know this experience is different than your encounters, but it's something I think about a lot, how her need for her art to fit in and be trendy, and how she took it out on me, in turn made me insecure in my art, often not happy with the outcome because it doesn't fit a trending aesthetic.

moral/tldr: don't compare your art. draw because it's fun. don't be mean to your friends

surenlicious
Sep '21

I am so sorry this happened to you... Reading your story brought back memories of the spiteful creeps I had. One I didn't see coming, but got she is such a horror. She cannot for the life of her stand others be "better" or more succesful than her and I was apalled at seeing it...