I made that comic from a year and a half ago

[JoshRaed]

I felt possessed to make this even though it's like an entire year late. I don't know why, it just sort of happened to me, and I figured, why not post it.

@thepenmonster I’m sorry I got upset about your suggestion. I wasn't bluffing, but honestly that thread was a bad Idea the whole time and I was better off drawing for myself.

[EncryptedWriting]

Josh can we stop with this pity party.

"I dont know why I made this of why im posting this..." you dont need to include that. Its not necessary.

"Even if I am the only one who still cares..." with all due respect Josh we did care at some point.

"I'm sorry I got upset at your suggestion..." again not necessary at all. Literally dont need to bring it up.

"Me as an artist behind someone else's comic was never going to happen." Another pity party comment.

"Realistically I was going to procrastinate, get swamped with important stuff to do, forget about the comic, and then look back in regret at how ling this took to make." We dont need a backstory. We don't need to hear again and again about your regretfulness of ADHD. We have sang this same tune over and over again.

Im not listening to your pity party this time. Im over it. Sorry if this is mean but im so beyond fed up with your topics about questioning your writing, blaming your adhd, saying how writing isn't easy due to your adhd, blah blah blah. I have AuDHD it is not easy to work around. Im not saying it is not difficult having ADHD. But my golly it feels like you have made little to no effort trying to work with it. Im honestly so over it. Ive tried being nice, considerate, and understanding. But damn good job even pushing me away.

[JoshRaed]

I didn't realize it was a pity party post, I was just in a weird headspace and that got into the writing. I had to rewrite this post like ten times to keep out the "Woe is me" talk, and I guess I failed at that. The LAST thing I want is your pity. I want you to respect me. I want to be good enough to have that respect. And I don't want to blame other people for my failings because I don't want to be failing, and I don't think this stuff is the fault of something other than me. I don't know how my situation works exactly but these ARE my choices and it is my doing when I don't do what I want to do.

Also not to be defensive, but I didn't mean "I'm the only one who still cares" in the way you read it. It literally only meant "This all happened a year ago and you all forgot about it, not in a general "No one cares about my problems” way. I'm the only one who should care about my problems because they're mine and caused by me.

[JoshRaed]

You're right about the lack of effort, like every time I notice that I've lost any focus on my schedule, I just sort of stop trying for several months until I decide to do it again.

Currently I've set up another daily schedule and if I do it right I can have a proper day of doing things correctly. I just need to avoid not thinking about the schedule, or starting on video games too early in the day. I'm going to keep it in mind and commit to it anyway.

And I'm going to ensure that I've done at least some amount of either writing or drawing by the end of the day, like if I don't do any writing or drawing the whole day, I will stay up late to do it before bed. Every time.

Also for I'm not expecting you to be considerate or understanding, because I'm just stupid and lazy and this is not a real problem that anyone should feel bad about. I can and have managed my ADHD better than this, I just don't, and then I assume it's a problem of me not having the magic solution that will make me start doing it, but then I don't do it.

[NickRowler]

I am glad you made something. Sometimes making comics can be silly and fun.

Maybe you should focus more on just drawing what you enjoy without the pressure to be good or perfect.

[EncryptedWriting]

"... I'm not expecting you to be considerate or understanding, because I'm stupid and lazy and this is not a real problem that everyone should feel bad about..."

brother. This is likely the last time I respond to any sort of topic like this. Downgrading self talk is so freaking annoying. I should know that because I am guilty of it. Think about it, we dont want to hear that. And you certainly shouldn't say that about yourself because it isn't true. You are making a genuine effort to better yourself. But putting degrading statements about yourself pushes us away.

[JoshRaed]

I know, I just felt weird about this whole idea that I'd need your sympathy and for you to feel bad about my problems. That was never something I wanted or expected from anyone, or assumed I'd be getting or something I thought I deserved.

I think I insulted myself because your comment made me worry you thought I considered myself this innocent victim of the big bad ADHD forcing me to procrastinate, who never did anything wrong and had no responsibility for my own failing, so I did a hard 180 towards basically saying "Actually my ADHD isn't real I just need to try harder and apply myself and if I was just not a bad evil lazy person, it would magically go away" and you declaring "I won't pity you this time" made me feel especially uncomfortable because the idea of you deciding "Awww, poor Joshraed and his unfinished comic script" felt worse than you being mad at me.

[skullforceagents]

You’re not perfect, nobody is. I still appreciate you sharing your work Josh.

Art is a journey my friend, you’ll get where you want to be eventually. Both artistically and emotionally.