I need an honest review

[dumboctopus1621]

Is my writing good so far, I have yet to reach the main starting though but does it look like it is worth reading?

Read Upside Down | Tapas Web Community

[penxpanel]

What are these?

[dumboctopus1621]

Um, honestly I am not sure? I thougt they appeared whenever i clicked enter at the end of a sentence.

[KnaveofThorns]

What immediately jumps out at me is your writing is very "Tell".

Common advice is that good writing needs to "show" the reader what is happening, not "tell" them.

In chapter 2, you write, "The woman gave Vivi a smile as she passed her sitting down near the window seat. The woman sat down elegantly and seemed too friendly." Rather than telling me she seemed far to friendly, you need to show me. What does she do that makes her "too friendly?" Does she lean in? Does she keep glancing over, attempting to get Violette's attention. Why is Violette uncomfortable?

This is not an easy thing to wrap your head around, and will take practice. I think the biggest piece of advice I can give you is you need to slow down. You mention that you haven't gotten to the "start" of the story. I can tell you really want to get there, but you are rushing. Four incredibly short chapters in, and I don't know what kind of person Violette is, where she's from, or where she's going. For comparison, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone takes 4 chapters for the letter from Hogwarts to show up. Everything that comes before establishes who Harry is, why living with the Dursleys sucks, and why going to magic school is so important. You need to take the time and do the work to establish your characters and set your scene, and that is missing from what you have posted.

I hope this helps.

[dumboctopus1621]

Thanks for your advice, I get what you are trying to say. I hope to make more improvements. slight_smile:
Honestly, yes I feel many things missing too but it is my first time so I will make sure I come with few improvements.

[penxpanel]

What software are you using, that its giving you those?

[penxpanel]

Basic advice, condense the information. Whike re-readjng if you realize you essentially the same thing twice, unless your purposefull repeating yourself to achieve an effect/goal.

Edit it so the infos only told once. Makes for a smoother reading experince.

You told me it was morning twice (it was morning. And it was 7am. people automatically know 7am=morning) and that she woke up twice. (Vivi woke up. Thought shed wake) thats 4 repeated ideas in one paeagraph

So an edited condensed version it'd read more like

"At 7am vivi woke in hopes of a perfect morning; of golden sun warming her bed and birds softly chirping. Instead she was greated with the pounding of rain, obscuring even the ever looming skyscrapers

"Wow" Vivi exclaimed, "what a great way to start the day,-"

I know it sounds nitpicky but arthors and editors can and do go this indepth when writing.

Other advice is generally whenever an new character speaks/finished speaking, it should start a new paragraph.
You can easily find more advice online about the rules regarding that

[Ordinaryaverageguy]

There's this resource that I read (& maybe follow a little of the advice):

Diving Back into Dialogue: Part I - The Blue Book of Grammar and Punctuation

[dumboctopus1621]

I am using chrome from my laptop,

[dumboctopus1621]

thank you! it was really helpful,

[dumboctopus1621]

thanks for pointing it out, I will make sure to not repeat such mistakes.

[KnaveofThorns]

Writing is a skill, and like all skills it will improve with with practice.

You got this!