"I support you" but not really. (A rant)

[jmccubbins]

I can relate to this, a LOT. Because the first person to do this to me was my mom. But understand I love my mom and I understand education means a lot to people these days. Also, understand that for me I used to be that deliquiate kid. The one outshined by their older sibling's grades, career choice. Hell, even hair her hair reaches past her waist. While I was that kid who had detention twice a week because I couldn't get to class on time. I couldn't get to class on time because I had to put my backpack in a locker then grab my stuff and get to class. Then on top of that, I was being bullied.

When I tried to tell my sister I was being bullied by a specific girl I will not name. She didn't even believe me. My older sister instead befriended said the bully girl and would talk to her more than she would to me in a day.

With this in mind, I can begin to explain that around the same time I was inspired to write. I saw how a lot of my sisters, my mother's time were invested all into school and books. So I thought if I wrote a story interesting enough. I could finally have some of that sweet attention.
And it worked....kind of.
My older sister took more interest in my mom. My mom was just like "Oh that's nice." and then went back to doing homework.
At first, I wrote the story on paper. Then I typed it on my phone. Then I earned enough money to get a laptop and began working on the story there. This happened over two years. I came to my mom again and asked if she wanted to read some of what I wrote.
She looked at me with surprise and said, "Oh, I didn't know you were still writing that same story. ill look at it later."
So I thought I just wasn't writing well enough. So I worked on my craft more and more, over the next five years. She still hadn't read it. yet she had time to do so much more. until I came to the idea of...What if I read it to her.
So I convinced her that she could do homework while I read her the story out loud. This took six months to do.
At the end when I told her the grand reveal woven in the text. She looked at me with wide eyes and said it was one of the cutest stories she ever heard.
Still to this day, neither my older sister nor my mom has fully read the story themselves.
I've posted the story online now, and people help me. The actually have read the story and it makes me feel disheartened at times knowing that.
I've been working on the same story for 7 year and I realized. Most authors want to make others feel loved. All I wanted my book to do was make me feel loved.

[TedGravesArt]

I'm painfully familiar with this experience. Almost none of my friends have read my comic, even my artist friends, despite understanding how much of my life I've dumped into working on it and how important it is to me.
Honestly though, some people just aren't into comics. My brother loves and I mean LOVES the Marvel cinematic universe, but has never picked up a comic in his whole life. I understand how friends not reading your story might seem like such a slap in the face, but try not to take it personally. Comics and novels take a certain amount of work to consume, and that's not how most people want to spend their free time. When you ask your friends to read your book, in the moment they probably see it as you requiring them to do work for you, even if they absolutely love it when they finally read it. A friend of mine finally read my comic for the first time after watching me ink pages for months, and afterwards she sent me this really long set of messages gushing about how she was so glad she finally read it and was kicking herself for taking so long, and she wanted more. Before that I probably would have had to really twist her arm to read it, no matter how good it was. Your friends not reading your stuff has nothing to do with the quality of your work.
Point is your friends aren't your audience. Those strangers who read it and ask for more, they are your audience. Find more of them to read your book.

[TedGravesArt]

Nailed it. Couldn't agree more

[Shazic]

I'm don't even want anyone that I know on real life to read my book because I don't want want to have to ask them all the time the oh so tempting question what you think of my story. When I already know it's probably not what they like. I don't even ask my family to I didn't even tell them about it it until 2 years later... And I'm now going back to fix the first chapter ugg but yeah

I get what you mean I ask a lot of stranger on a game to read my book and they say the same thing to me oh no I got busy. But luckly because I don't know them in real life it doesn't really hurt when they haven't read it...

But I do know what really hurts when your partner think your writing is just a hobby when your it takes up all my time.... And they say to me oh it's just a hobby for some job that actually pays.... Your never going to get done with your story so let's go out already when I'm trying my hardest writing a chapter and I'm in the middle of it I feel that is the worst.... Feeling ever

On top of it they feel like I should be able to stop when ever they want me to... Like you been working on if it for 3 hours already or I given you 2 or 4 hours to work on it like it is some 9-5 job that should be finish up by then

That what really piss me off the most about in real life people around me

[Kotkoda]

I am kinda in the same boat. A lot of people say they will support me and follow my work but it never eventuates to anything. As sucky as it is at the time and as much as it hurts, at least I know those that genuinely like my work from those that just pay lip service. Just keep writing and keep being awesome!

[Azifri]

Hmm... I don't really share this experience. Probably because I don't expect others, even the ones close to me, to be interested in what I do. We are different people after all. When they say they support me, it means they will do everything within their reach to help me achieve my goals (and they do so), not that they will share the same passion I have towards my projects.

[LadyLily]

Good morning! Thank you to everyone who has shared their experiences and offered their own perspective on mine. It's greatly appreciated and I love that this community is so close, we can open up like this with each other.

[joannekwan]

Yeah I don't expect my any of my friends and acquaintances, irl or not, to check out my work and I don't even talk about my stories in detail with them any more than the pitch line. I only elaborate if they ask.
I dunno, I suppose if I get too excited, it would put an unspoken pressure on them to read my work? And I would never want to do that.
Like when I launched my novel as a proper book, a few of my friends did buy copies. I appreciated that. But I'm not expecting them to actually read or finish the book. It's so far from the media they usually enjoy . I'm sure if they do finish it, they would tell me themselves. But I'm not going to ask them if they did or ask if they are enjoying it.

[LadyLily]

@joannekwan
My daughter talked me into creating a Patreon (like she talked me into posting here lol). I messed around with the tiers and then asked her and someone else to help me test it out. They paid for the tier that would buy a physical book. It automatically renews each month. I've said nothing. They keep paying me. I know they know and my daughter gave me a side-eye the other day when I mentioned Patreon. I just want to see how long it will take for them to mention it. (I haven't spent their money lol)

[joannekwan]

Haha, sometimes people genuinely want to give you that amount each moth! Don't underestimate yourself!

[Rhonder]

It is, unfortunately, par for the course Time is incredibly finite and while reading a novel or comic doesn't take that much time, it still can be a notable investment. I've learned to temper my expectations a bit- I expect any of my friends to check out my work or hold it against them if they don't. But it just makes me appreciate those who do check out my work even more

[Colours_dont_match]

Aah I can relate. Had a little stress with my friend 'cause of it, because he was super excited, happy and proud of me for doing a comic and wanted to watch the process and stuff. So I asked him if he wanted to beta read the grammar in my speech bubbles (cause I am no native english speaker). He gladly did for like 5 episodes till it took him days and days to take a look and then oversee many mistakes.
After he took like two weeks for correcting 3 little speech bubbles I stopped working together 'cause it took too much time, when I already could have uploaded.
I am aware these are jobs people normally get paid for (with many more hours of course) but it's not like we want a professional proof reader with strict deadlines and a strict working schedule and hours. We just want someone to take a quick look and maybe find the most obvious mistakes we overlooked at first glance.

If you don't wanna take the time to invest like 5 minutes every other week for a friend, then maybe tell them no from the start instead of saying yes and then be bothered by it when you get asked if you already (after weeks) read it.

[vholdfield]

I never expected my family or close friend to read my novels because most of them hardly speak English and I don't really like to talk about it with them anyway. I like to write in my free time as a way to express myself and relax and I don't really want extra pressure from my relatives ahah. But I do share some stuffs with one of my sisters and while she never read it, she enjoys knowing what I'm writing about and sometimes asks questions about it.

[Bokyongyo]

Lmfao honestly hate that, I rather someone be authentic and not lie about such a thing as “support” rather than pretend to be this supportive person of anything that I may be doing.

[artamazon]

I don't expect any of my friends or family to read my comic, but I'm very fortunate to have some friends, family and coworkers who do enjoy reading what I do. My comic is self indulgent and I make it for me, everyone else is just invited along for the ride. And for the people who don't read my comic, the way I feel they do support me is in listening to my process, frustrations, celebrating my victories, telling people about my comic, giving me critiques or suggestions, and some of them have even come to help me run a table at conventions. I feel like support can come in many different forms.

[Ordinaryaverageguy]

I guess it might be a little too much to expect our friends to also be (a) fond of reading & (b) interested in our genre in addition to (c) being a friend we hoped would read our stuff regardless of (a) & (b).

It's so easy for friends (and strangers) to say they'll do this or that for you but when it comes down to it, they mostly say that just to be nice & really only mean to do it "when they get around to it" because our story isn't high on their list of daily priorities.

I know it hurts somewhat to discover they haven't the enthusiasm you & I have for our creations or the inclination to devote some of their time & interest in our obsession. I bet this happens to all creators, especially the aspiring ones to whom their comments would have been like water to one dying in the desert.

EDIT: PS - what if they DID read it & those excuses are their way of deflecting the necessity of saying they didn't like it?

[Tailzkip]

I never force my work on others. I tell people about it and if they want to check it out, it's on them to come to me or leave a comment. I personally hate it when people I know try to get me to read their stuff and give an opinion, so why should I do the same? lol.
I would much rather see people coming back every week voluntarily to know weather my stuff is good, instead of pushing it on others. Plus if the person knows you they are just more likely to tell you it's good when it's not, because they don't want to hurt your feels anyway.

[UrMom]

Yeah, it's just not a thing for everyone. I'd love to get more into books to expand my horizon, and delve into those really great stories out there, but I just don't have the time or energy. The best route I can go is start listening to audiobooks while getting work done, but not all books have audio versions.

I also agree with the others here, your friends and family should be supportive of your endeavors, but it's not their jobs to be fans. That's forcing your interests onto them, and we all know we wouldn't like it if they did that with us so we shouldn't do it either. Focusing on the audience you have, and advertising to your target demographic, is the most healthy way to go.

[drawnbyyannan]

I just want to say - I feel this so hard. Especially last year, when I submitted a short story to the Webtoons contest, which was only four episodes (so a five minute, ten minute tops, read) and I later learned that some of my friends didn't even read it, after being all "supportive." I don't really expect most of my friends to keep up with my ongoing webtoon, but the fact that some of them didn't read my short story even after I told them that it was also very personal and their views/support might help my standing in the contest, really felt like it put a dent in our friendship. I just didn't feel like I could trust them anymore because anything they said was insincere.

I am probably taking it too personally, but as someone who has a really hard time sharing my art with people IRL to begin with, it definitely hurt.

[LadyLily]

@drawnbyyannan
I'm completely in agreement!

For me, the hurtful part comes from years of always being there for absolutely everyone in my life, even those who treated me badly (not mean words but physical and emotional abuse). The one time in my entire life I ask for them to return the favor and care, I don't exist. You better believe they still ask for favors from me, though. Happy to say they get nothing from me now.

Creative people seem to be more forgiving than others and put up with way too much. I've accepted that it's okay to say no and those people hate me now for not being at their beck and call but so *** what.