I will read your first chapter and give feedback! NOVELS ONLY, SORRY

[John536]

I hope you will read it and give me a comment about it.

Read Not A Hero | Tapas Web Novels

[MHSly]

What a second chance at life brings

Hi! I love the mystery of this first chapter. I can tell that something is happening/has happened in the background that is causing many of the characters to worry, and I appreciate the decision not to reveal it all in one go. I also love that the worry was justified at the end of the chapter. I'm curious to find out the backstory of what happened to make these events unfold.
My suggestions:
I would love a little more description in this first chapter to really ground me in the story. What kind of furniture or decoration fill the rooms? What does the main character's brother look like?
I also find the extra spaces between certain sections a little distracting. Usually what you add an extra space, it means some time has passed and/or the scene/setting has changed. But here there are extra spaces within the same conversation. It confused me at first until I realized that, for this story, the ......... was your way of signifying a change of scene. You might consider removing the extra spaces between sentences that are grouped in the same conversation/ scene to help your writing flow better.
Hope this helps!

[Chocolate]

Hiiiii! Can I dm you the story?

[MHSly]

Centris

Hi! So, I read the first part of Chapter 0, and I must say I'm liking the setup for the story, and the mystery in the first part. Why is this band of people making their way through the sewers? My guess would be to create or stop some mischief, which is always fun. I also like the worldbuilding aspects in the second part with the students taking their exams. It's a nice introduction to the magic and I already feel like I know very well what motivates Novus.
The one thing that is throwing me off is your use of - - to signify dialogue instead of the usual " ". At first I thought it was a way to signify thoughts, and when someone responded to the first person I thought 'Oh, does everyone have telepathy in this world, or at least this group of people?' and then I realized nope, it was just them talking like normal. By the end of the chapter I got somewhat used to it, but I did struggle to change my perception from what is the norm to your way of presenting dialogue. Since this is how it is presented throughout the whole chapter, I'm assuming that's how it's presented in all of your story and is a stylistic choice on your part, which is fine. That is just the only feedback I have for you as a first-time reader of your work.
Hope this helps!

[MHSly]

Crystal Tears

Hi! Thank you so much for reading my story! Means so much to me <3
I really like your first chapter here, it's a strong start and paints a grim picture of what life is like for this poor little girl. I'm hoping that the main character can get them both out of there and protect her!
My only suggestion would be to add an exclamation point to the first sentence of dialogue from the guard. It's presented like he just said it casually, but the paragraph after makes it sound pretty intense with other guards yelling and chasing them. I think adding some stronger descriptors and the exclamation point would help convey the sense of danger I think you're trying to present.
Hope this helps! And thanks again for reading my story!

[Artist3o]

thank you very much for your comment
I will listen to your suggestions

[Surihpas]

Hiya First of all, and regardless of anything, just wanted to say I think it's awesome you're doing this. I feel like investing our time in each other's work is what makes this community.... well, a community. So yeah, that's nice to see.

If you're still available I would love some feedback on my first chapter, I was just thinking about how noticeable I feel the difference is between it and my more recent writing, and I would like some outside perspective on it. If you're swamped though (seeing this thread looks pretty popular), no worries at all.

Also, if you're still looking for some feedback on your first chapter, I'd be happy to give it a read - regardless of whether or not you have the time to read mine. Just let me know since I never want to give anyone my unsolicited advice haha

[MHSly]

Hi, yes you can dm me the story, thanks!

[MHSly]

Hi! Yes, I am still available, so far I've been able to get to one or two stories a day unless I had big events going on (this weekend I had a wedding and birthday party to go to, so my time was more limited). So I'd love love love to read yours, it may just take a few days for me to get to it. Thanks!

[Surihpas]

Amazing, thank you! That would be wonderful ^^ The link is in my bio, and I'll drop it down here just in case.

Also, let me know if you'd like a review back, and if so of which story (I noticed you have a few up so... whichever I might be the most helpful with I guess haha)

Read You're It | Tapas Web Novels

[Chocolate]

Okay I sent to you just now!

[MHSly]

I just answered, thanks!

[MHSly]

The Nerd and The Loser

Hi there! I really like this first chapter, I can't quite put my finger on it, but it feels magical and just comfy haha!
I really like how the two characters are introduced to the audience and to each other, and I'm curious to find out how this story will unfold.
My suggestion:
I feel like the setting needs more description. What makes David immediately think he came to Beijing once the other man says he's at the Palace Museum? Of course David can see the specifics of the architecture and the decorations and so forth, but the audience can't unless you help them along. I'd love to be going along with David in that realization, 'oh, this and this and this are present in this place... we must be in China!' I hope that makes sense and is helpful for you. Other than that I really like it, so thanks for sharing!

[rosierubycardinal]

Thank you so much for the review! I’m glad you liked it! Have a wonderful day!

[LWriter]

Ah this is cool of you! Well, if you’re still down for more stories, I’ll throw mine in the mix lol. It’s a fantasy crime story, which I like to think as kind of Batman meets Lord Of The Rings! The first 2 chapter are a comic prologue, so don’t know if you wanna skip those straight to the 3rd, which is the proper first chapter. I have a format for it where every 5 chapters it repeats itself, where the first chapter is a flashback, the next 3 are present time, and then the 5th is from the POV of one of the villains.

Read Santa Fae | Tapas Web Novels

[MHSly]

Not A Hero

Hi! I have read your first chapter and I must say, I got a lot of Batman vibes from the story. I don't quite understand why the vigilante stuck around for the confrontation with the police, but I do see how it shows that he's not the hero as the title says. He's just as willing to beat up criminals and police alike, and I find that an interesting characteristic.
My suggestions:
Work on the flow of your sentences. There were a few times where you could have split up long sentences into two or where you include two different ideas where it would have been better separated. I think as you practice your writing more your skills will improve, so keep going!
Hope this helps!

[MHSly]

Hi, your story is up next, though I probably won't get to it until tomorrow. I would love it if you could give me some feedback on Burning Waters, which is my newest story to Tapas. It is still in progress, but I'd love to know what you think! Thanks!

[Mass_Die]

Okay, then I will share the novel I currently work it.
Genre: Action Fantasy
Novel in short: A world turned into a game-like world and slowly mixed up those logic together. The MC will go on an adventure to know the origin of his lineage and survive in this new world.

Read World End MMORPG | Tapas Web Novels

[MHSly]

You're It

Wow! Just wow, all I can say, seriously, this first chapter was just delightful. Scenery, emotion, all conveyed wonderfully. The description of how Aidan sees Ben gave me such a warm feeling, and then realizing they are not in a romantic relationship (yet???) just broke my heart.
My only suggestion (and this is really digging deep to nitpick) is that a couple of times when you are starting a new paragraph with dialogue, you add the tag 'he' instead of the name of the character. This confused me a little because they are both being described as he and I had to continue reading the paragraph to know who was speaking in that first line. You might consider using the character's names in these instances so there is not any confusion.
Hope this helps!

[MHSly]

Hey all, first off, thank you so so much for letting me read your stories, and for reading mine too! I'm going to be out of town for the next four days so I won't be able to do any reading until I get back. But if you find this thread while I'm gone, feel free to share your story and I'll be sure to read it. Thanks!