I will review the first 5 (Mostly more) chapters of your novel/comic! [CLOSED]

[chestnutriceeee]

Thank you very much for checking out my work and for the helpful review. I really appreciate it. Ivan is certainly a crazy character to the point that he should be getting immediate mental help.

I guess my grammar is still not too good. I'll try to fix the tenses and whatever strange sentences I find. Thank you very much for pointing it out.

As for the italics... I originally wrote the whole story without any dialogue tags, and it's a product of that. I keep going over the story for errors but miss a few. Thanks a lot for pointing it out, I have fixed it.

[skullonya]

I just started to read yours, the concept seems great, and the way you introduced the ability and how easy it was to follow the scene was amazing. So you got yourself a new reader.

I just started and will update regularly; episode 2 is scheduled soon. The feedback I got from friends was the usual - looks nice, so I'd like to know from the readers perspective. Thank you for the offer.

What's beyond the horizon | Tapas

[chestnutriceeee]

Sorry for such a long gap. My laptop broke down, and I got it fixed just a while back. Writing a review on my phone would've been difficult. ;;>.<

-The cover/banner: It's a good cover, sweet and simple. I think the color around the mask is slightly different from the rest of the background? You might wanna change that, it can throw some people off.

-How hooking the prologue is: It's an interesting start. Maybe it's because of my own style, but I found it oddly slow-paced. The descriptions of her gadgets reduced the thrilling tension of the hectic surroundings.

-Impressions on the first few chapters and whether they make me want to keep reading: Yes. I find it very interesting. The story has my whole intrigue and post prologue, the pacing is pretty nice too.

I will cover the remaining here since I can't find much to say. The story is great and you have written it very well. The only things that stood out were a few awkward sentences and scene transition. It was difficult to understand when the scene has changed.

Other than those, I enjoyed reading it. Keep up the great work,

[burgundy]

If you're still doing reviews I see you have a lot already.

Try Your Luck | Tapas

[chestnutriceeee]

Oh, I've been subbed to you for a while! I'll go over things really quickly because there's not much for me to say about your art or anything.

The cover is amazing, very catchy. I'll count your first 6 chapters as a prologue and say that they are done well. The plot quickly moves into a fight which is hooking.

The fight then goes on all the way to page 15, which can be too long for some people to go without getting any context and world-building but should be fine.

The story is generally very interesting. Gives off the vibe of a lighthearted tale of friends and adventures. Your art style is amazing. The poses are dynamic, the characters are expressive, and the backgrounds are very well done. A few panels felt flat, but that's probably just me.

One thing that struck me as odd was that the bartender mostly had his mouth open in the same manner throughout many pages. That last bit doesn't really matter but was a funny thing to notice since I was re-reading it.

The dialogues are smooth and natural. The only issue that one could have is the slightly slow pacing but since you are releasing a page every week it shouldn't be a problem in my opinion.

To end things. Your comic is a very fun read that everyone can enjoy! Keep up the great work!

[Stargazer31]

Thanks in advance!

Realmwalker | Tapas

[RSung]

Here's my comic, just updated recently.

Regular life of Eliza | Tapas

[Koneko-chan-hai]

Hi! Is it alright for you to check out my webcomic Hetero Sakura? My comic is still at its second chapter, but some feedback, especially in the beginning, never hurts. It is a sci-fi story set in a post-apocalyptic nuclear winter. Thank you!

Hetero Sakura | Tapas

[chestnutriceeee]

I've been subscribed to this one for a while now and enjoy reading it! Let me start then.

-The cover/banner: The cover is good, in my opinion. It looks good. I'll use this space to talk about the very confusing description.

The description starts with talking about how to find a dragon. Then, it talks about how it is impossible to find a dragon for the common populace, and how the narrator never faced this issue because they already know one. Then comes this.

Step Two; Now that you've located your baby dragon

This can be pretty confusing. People decide whether they want to read the story from the cover and the description. Yours is pretty intriguing, but I think it needs to be crisper and more to the point. The description is fun but doesn't tell me anything about the story.

-How hooking the prologue is: It's pretty hooking. Though it feels like it is being dragged out at points, it is enjoyable overall. Same with the chapters ahead. They are pretty interesting.

-General story and/or artwork: There's not much I know about the story yet so I'll skip this.

-Style, tone, and setting: Now, I know that this is a first-person story with Julian driving most of the narrative with him speaking things out, there was just way too much telling. It feels like Julian is reading out most of the events and has is not exactly experiencing them. It's an interesting style, but it personally feels off to me, makes it feel a bit rough.

I'll skip the storytelling bit since I covered it above. Overall, I find it a very fun read and would recommend it to others as well. Keep up the great work!

[BOMB]

Pitch The Adventures of Danger Rabbit | Tapas

[renaissancebadger]

Ahh, your review is wonderful! Thank you so much!! I've been considering changing the description so that it's a little more clear about what the story is about, instead of just an excerpt from one of the chapters, so this is probably the push I need to do that. The points in the first chapter are absolutely dragged out, and he is sorta listing the events that have already happened. I'll admit to letting the prologue go a little too long on this one. The first two episodes are basically him catching you up on his life, then it gets into the nitty gritty of current events.

That being said, the first two episodes probably need to be reworked ^-^;

Thank you again, I really love a reviewer who wants to help people better their work instead of just being unnecessarily mean <3

[chestnutriceeee]

I'm glad you found the review helpful. I was worried about coming across as mean which I seem to have avoided, haha! That aside, I really do enjoy reading your work, and most of the stuff I said was just my opinion.

I'll push you on the description bit. But as far as reworking your first chapters go, there are surely a lot of people who enjoy the way you have written them and they also speak volumes about Julian as a character. Please keep this bit in mind before you decide to change the first chapters since they are pretty good as they are right now as well.

[chestnutriceeee]

I have 0 experience with poems, so I don't think I am anywhere qualified enough to give you a critique on this. I did enjoy reading them though. Keep up the great work!

[aarujarv]

I read a few chapters of your Trial Run story and then jumped some to get an idea where it's going. I like the setting, an interesting mix of magic-steampunk with a sprinkle of some modern notions and concepts thrown in there. You keep the story at a fast pace, and it should be an interesting read for those who are looking for more of this kind of almost-LITRPG, reminiscent of Beginning After the End-themed story. But it seems you had a more interesting/darker? twist in wait.

The first person writing is not my cup tea. Just my preference, it makes the world seem a little empty for my taste. But keep going! You know where you're going with this.

If you're up for it, here is my little story. Loosely inspired by the Malazan Book of the Fallen series by Steven Erikson. So, expect a wide cast of protagonists and antagonists both after chapter 5. Human and otherwise.

Beyond the Void | Tapas

[chestnutriceeee]

Hey! Thank you for the review! I'll get to yours soon too!

[chestnutriceeee]

Good work on publishing for the first time! It's pretty amazing of you! I'll try my best to make this review as helpful as possible.

-The cover/banner: The cover and banner give off starkly different vibes. You might want to fix that.

-How hooking the prologue is: The very first line of the first chapter has a mistake. I thought it was a stylistic choice but you never use it again. That will leave a pretty bad impression on readers.

Further, some sentences are very awkward with regard to your word choice. Their meanings are unclear and their grammar is incorrect. Take this one, for example.

But when I glanced up, catching his eyes watching me – these beautiful eyes – I completely forgot about my entire hands. Like – I forgot what they were supposed to be for.

The style tells us what kind of person Nik is with the use of em dashes. But the odd word choice takes a couple of re-reads to understand what you were conveying.

The first chapter, honestly, feels like a simple romance story with some dark elements at the end. I would suggest making it more snappy so that people can know what exactly to expect from the story.

-Impressions on the first few chapters: The first chapters are off to a good start. While the characters are surely well made and interesting, sometimes they feel very artificial. A more concerning issue that I should point out is that Nik and Kaami are very timid around each other for me to believe they have been together for 8 years. This last bit is a tad concerning, especially since they are adopting a kid together.

While we are on the topic of characters. The interactions could be a bit better. For example in episode three where Cheryl describes Tau's original foster situation. It all moved too fast to properly understand what was happening and how the characters in the scene were feeling.

-General story and/or artwork: The story is very engaging and unique. It's unlike anything I have ever read.

-Style, tone, and setting: The setting is very intriguing much like the story is clearly one of the strong points of your writing.

I would strongly suggest leaving lines after each dialogue instead of continuing them next to each other.

-Writing/storytelling style and how smooth it is: As mentioned before, some sentences are written awkwardly and the grammar is a bit loose. Both there make the writing a bit rough to go through. You mentioned that English isn't your first language so I would highly suggest using a text editor like Grammarly.

I really enjoyed reading this and learned a lot for myself as well. All the best with your first work. Keep going!

[iHateFridays]

I'm not very good at reviewing but I wanna be fair to you so I'll try my best. I think your summary is good but a little too long and repetitive imo. I think you could shorten it down a bit. As for the story itself, I think you do a good job with getting into the characters' heads and moving the story along. There's a good mix of both comedic and serious moments. The pacing is pretty good for the most part and I like a lot of the characters. Some of the narration seems a bit awkward to me, like the part below is a bit clunky. Could use some refining, as in toning down the repetition. It's a bit confusing haha.

Overall you've got a solid novel on your hands and looking forward to seeing where it goes in the future.

And uh

Here's my comic if you wanna review lol

Demihumans | Tapas

[chestnutriceeee]

Thank you very much for the review! I was conflicted about going over all of the starting chapters to smoothen them out and your review is definitely the push I needed! Thank you for the compliments and especially for the continued support. I can't put in words how grateful I am.

I'll also surely review yours in some time!

[chestnutriceeee]

I really enjoyed this comic. I can't really critique it on anything since it's a gag comic, but this is totally a hidden gem! Keep going with this stuff!

[chestnutriceeee]

This one I have been following for a long time. I really enjoy it too. I can't say anything about the art and since there's just one chapter, I don't have anything to critique about the story either.

The dialogues are very natural and the plot till now is being revealed splendidly. In my opinion, you have nailed everything here.

A rather personal? issue I have is that at times, there's just too much happening on one page like here.

Summary

It becomes hard to keep up with the pace in pages like these, but again, it's a personal thing.

I really like this story and am really looking forward to read ahead. Keep up this amazing work!