I will review the first episode of the works you put down here

ReneVergence 2021-03-10 19:25:30 UTC #37

Glad to have some feedback! My episodes have been pretty short (for my time's sake).

sorin_gran 2021-03-10 20:10:14 UTC #38

I am only going to read the top one you listed.

You have definitely written yourself a strong and polished introduction. You properly introduced the fantastical races that are so popular that you don't need to explain what they're like. It's quite dense with political strife as well.
The content your introduction provides properly lays down the foundation of your story. Just nurture the rest of your story with the same love and care and you may find yourself at the cusp of making a story that will bring in many readers to your doorstep.

Though I have to say, I cannot personally mesh well with the main character. He's incredibly distant, I cannot relate to him or his story. It's probably the consistently angsty tone he produces. He likes to point out all the vices that humans have while he has those exact same vices himself. He sees himself as above humans even though he seems to simply rely on the powers he is given simply for being a dragon. Even with those powers, he was still defeated by a human. I'm not sure how lowly he sees humans. But if he sees them like how we see ants (Not the dangerous ants). Being weakened is no excuse.

Without those powers, he is just as vain as the humans he looks down upon. This opinion of mine is further reinforced during the time his powers were sealed and his soul was pulled into a human-like body. As much as he patronizes humans, it seems that even he bows down to the monarchal systems that the humans put in place.

Honestly, my only major complaint is the main character. The other characters are purposely undeveloped to give most of the spotlight to the main character but since I can't really relate to him nor like him as a character. I don't really care.

Overall Opinions:
+ Solid World-Building
+ Intriguing Politics
+ Strong Fantasy Groundwork
+ Works well as an introduction
+ Comprehensible
+ Strong sense of formatting

-- The Main Character is too angsty and unlikable

I have a feeling he is going to undergo some major character development in the future. Not that it's going to make his future any better considering the beginning disclaimer hahaha.

Also, thank you for the review you provided for me. I 100% agree with everything you brought up. I will use your critique to improve my work and grow as a writer. I hope mine can do the same for you.

Anyhow, I wish you the best of luck in your creative journey.

lordmouri 2021-03-10 20:21:50 UTC #39

Thanks for the review!

And you are 100% correct - Zeydrick has his issues and he does grow. His early personality helps to show how he grows as he experiences certain things for himself (won't spoil anything, in case you decide to read further!).

I look forward to how your own writing develops!

Ranty-cat 2021-03-10 20:32:40 UTC #40

sorin_gran 2021-03-10 20:46:27 UTC #41

I'll only be reading the top one. I'll do the rest if I have time after doing everyone else.

The narration seems kinda distant from the main character. Kind of like a bedtime story style of storytelling. This makes me assume that the one who tells the story (which is the author by default) is the narrator.

I like the world you are illustrating through your words. I'm imagining an Ori and the blind forest kind of aesthetic. However, you kind of got carried away with all your fantastical terminology.

For example, can you tell me how to imagine this sentence?

For me, I'm interpreting it as Zamani the MC stands on a rodent on top of a tall creature called a nhola facing the city of castles named Zhereen (I'm assuming the city is built by humans and thus uses the human standard of how large a city should be).

The latter half makes sense, but the former half requires some mental gymnastics for me to imagine it. It's pretty common to get carried away with your fantastical terms just remember that we readers don't know anything about what they really mean until you inform us.

Overall opinions:
+ Interesting World
+ A unique ecosystem of fantastical creatures
+ Vivid and efficient word choices

-- Fantastical Terms are not explained
-- A few formatting hiccups

Thank you for participating and I wish you the best of luck in your creative journey.

sorin_gran 2021-03-10 21:10:53 UTC #42

I'm curious why so many people do not merge their pages together to form one cohesive comic episode. If you have any insight you'd like to give me. I greatly appreciate it.

The one word I'd like to offer you is consistency.

Panel flow can get incredibly rough on some pages and I have absolutely no idea what I'm looking at.
I get what you're going for with the different coloured speech bubbles and stuff. But at least maintain the same amount of contrast with your text. Also, On one of your pages, most of the speech bubbles were cut off.

Ultimately, I looked through the whole comic that you've made so far and I have absolutely no idea what's going on. Sudden switches of character. No closure. Actually, I can't really grasp the plot either. It's kinda ironic that a story about stick figures is so complicated to figure out.

Overall Opinions:
+ Has its charm

-- Panel Flow is hard to follow at times
-- Low Contrast or Cutoff speech bubbles
-- Lack of plot direction
-- Surface level characters

I'm sure you've seen this already. But Animator vs Animation is a great series that uses non-verbal storytelling to great effect to characterize their stick figures.

Anyways, I hope that my feedback can help you improve your work in the future. Best of luck in your creative endeavours.

JoshRaid 2021-03-10 23:12:12 UTC #43

The cut-off speech bubbles were a stylistic choice to show that he's aware of her words but not listening. I probably should fix that since it's so poorly conveyed. You're the third person I've had to explain it to.

I think the plot confusion is caused by a big mistake I made when writing. I originally had a narration monologue from Otaka explain the plot at the start but I decided that was cliche because a random youtube video advised against this type of thing. I'm dumb.

The narration went like this if it helps:

"For generations, the chosen one and the dark lord were chosen by destiny and fought for the fate of the world.
But one day, a new dark lord came into power, but the chosen one never came, so the dark lord conquered all, bringing ruin and rot wherever he went. And everyone just let him, believing that a hero would come. But I know the truth. He isn't coming.

I will stop the dark lord myself.

I have a long-distance friendship with Heiroe and Superblonde Valiant. I'm traveling with them. At least I will be when we meet up."

Does this help?

sc101 2021-03-10 23:49:38 UTC #44

If comics are fine, can you do mine?

sevenstarsofeightIam 2021-03-11 01:58:18 UTC #45

Thank you, Sorin_Gran.

You make a good point. Actually, the nhola forest is comprised of very tall tree-like mushrooms called nholas. The voal is the flat spongy top of the nhola, at the center of which is a depression in which the dew rises once each day. This all comes out in the reading, but you are right. The inclination toward instant gratification hangs like an albatross from the necks of the average reader. I should not give them so much credit for creative interaction.

arbiterswake 2021-03-11 03:24:25 UTC #46

Thanks for this thread. If you could also review the first episode of Arbiter's Wake, I'd really appreciate it.

emmaemeh2011 2021-03-11 03:26:08 UTC #47

here's mine , if you're okay with comics too
and thank you for this thread

MK_Wizard 2021-03-11 17:52:59 UTC #48

Thanks for the input. It is appreciated a lot and I will take it into account.

writeryoanroturier 2021-03-11 17:54:49 UTC #49

Hey! Sure I'll review your first episode.

Here's a link to my novel:

Iridium 2021-03-11 20:30:48 UTC #50

Greetings! I'll make my best to read your novel as soon as I can! If you want to give it a try, I'll leave Menmar here for your appreciation:

sorin_gran 2021-03-12 01:45:20 UTC #51

I took a look at your comic, now I want someone to answer a question I kept on having. Why one page per episode? Is it difficult to merge multiple pages together? The art is flat and simplistic so it may resonate with the people who like that art-style. However, I'm not a fan of the dialogue and the one-dimensional character writing. I looked at one of your later chapters and your art definitely improved and the writing is more tolerable. I'm glad to know that you have grown quite a bit since you started.

Overall Opinions:

Noticeable improvement in your later works (That's what growing as a creator is truly about)
Simplistic art style that appeals to certain audiences

-- The writing leaves a lot to be desired.
-- Strange text bubble design and colour choices (Why yellow fill?)

Thank you for participating and good luck on your creative journey!

ruqi 2021-03-12 02:39:13 UTC #52

Hello, good day. Thank you for the opportunity to share. I love this thread. I will definitely check your work out as well.

I have noticed a trend of many views on my first episode and not many after that. I haven't received any comments or reviews before, so I don't know where the problems may lie. I would be grateful if you check out my new novel. All feedback is welcome. Hope you enjoy it regardless!

mountainwolves 2021-03-18 02:20:30 UTC #53

I would greatly appreciate it!

Lemon_Demon 2021-03-18 02:41:50 UTC #54

Here’s mine! and I will check out urs too, probably comment about urs in ur comment section.
So my prologue is too short, u might wanna review prologue + chapter 1, otherwise u can just do prologue.

djourner 2021-03-18 03:52:18 UTC #55

I have read your story and I have to say, from the chapters I read it was interesting, it has a nice hook of a kid dealing with a supernatural entity that seems to want to just mess with him (or at least so far that is).
I like the way he and the old man casually chat, i live for those slice of lifeish moments in any story.

Here is JTA in case you're interested in reviewing ^^
Also, technically the 'first chapter' is the first four Acts in the story... I originally did not write for Tapas so i had to cut my script in acts to acommodate for the character limit. But I'd say if you can make it to the end of act one that's perfectly valid.
I will understand if you don't stick with it, as it's not everyone's cup of tea... But hey, maybe you end up liking it. ^^

Also... fair warning as later episodes have mature scenes, But that is only if you stick with it for that long... And it's not so violent or naughty that it might cause a severe reaction.

Veena 2021-03-18 03:54:52 UTC #56

Super slow-paced BL... hasn't even really reached the BL part lol