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Jul 2023

I'm up for it, but only if you're okay with mine:

Stranded

Genre: Fantasy, Romance, Mystery, LGBT+(BL)

The first chapter has a mature warning because it features sexual themes, but there's nothing explicit/NSFW there. Let me know if you're okay with it. I'll understand if you decline my offer :blush:

Done for yours. I really like the cover, the hero and also the villain. Love the colours just that some scenes can be further improve. :slight_smile:

Here are some honest comments :wink:
Your first paragraph needs some work. The first thing I notice is all grammar mistakes.
(") the open parathesis is missing, there's a missing full stop as well (To take note there's also several missing full stop as I read along). And maybe instead of baby use child/youngster would sound better.

In conversation use full stop instead of ; (sweet cream buns. There are*)
Maybe you describe more of the feeling when they arrive.
"Ah! The city of Loor! And look at that. We arrived just in time for tonight's festivities," said the voice cheerfully/excitement, pointing towards the gate and the colouful decorations which hungs/decorated the city.

They had come for the festivities, the biggest one held on the day when the gates of living and souls are open from sunset till sunrise. 'Harvest Moon' where people celebrate the cycle of life; seed to crop, child to man, and when man returns to the dirt below.

"Sure," Elyn replied/ ," said * something to take account to as well.

Hello done - reading. Left a comment for you ~ I think the cover's font maybe can be further improve It didn't pop up as much

I do quite love the story - it's very nice.
Here are some recommendations to improve the writings.

No need to state time because evening is already stating the time.
Instead of evening time, just say evening.
No need to say the yellow, use yellow
.
Recommend to amend : However, my eyes were fixed on the setting sun. It was evening, with the occasional cold breeze in the air, just like the one that flew pass me for a second; the buildings covered by faint lights of yellow while the sky slowly changed its colour about half an hour ago.

The paragraph feels like there was too much description.

I entered the room, it was a simple room, bigger than the previous room, which could fit a bed and a wardrobe. (Trying to hide my annoyance/if he find it funny ) on top of the bed, occupying the space; lying on it was two person, a man and a woman. Both were wearing traditional clothes, the man wore a pair of kurta pajama while the woman covered herself with a dark green saree with a matching black head covering.

They looked compatible with each other, one relatively taller and slimmer while the other fatter but relatively shorter. (Like a whale and a giraffe etc) Both were smiling happily as they looked over at me, my father's brother and his wife. Technically my uncle and aunt.

should be nephew instead of son "So, nephew,..." - since the Aunt is calling out to the MC.

Aarti is tired from the journey - no need to mention all the journey
"Mom.."..."I always eat my veggies."

Try not to repeat the same words in the same paragraph
She then turned to her tea.... She then turned to the other cup

Love the blurb - sounds interesting
just tiny amendment - Tasked with a heavy responsibility, and discovering secrets.

I really do like the prologue
but maybe try to combine the two prologue together rather than separating it into two.