Thank you! That’s the sort of thing I need to know. It started as a 25 page comic with 3 separate narrative threads. But breaking them apart apparently doesn’t work.
But, to answer your questions. The main character is Sam Carter, as stated in the description. The girl is Julia Wagner, I assumed him referring to her by name was enough to get that across.
But maybe you mean who they are in the story. I don’t see a way to spell that out without committing yet more tell rather than show. Also, finding out who the protagonists are, what motivates them, is rather the point of the story. It is a tricky balance.
The interaction with the bikers is to show rather than tell that Sam is developing a second personality. I thought that the biker scene coupled with the earlier scene with the voiceover in scratchy red letters would be enough to sell that idea.
The too much tell and not enough show part does have me concerned. But, what is more concerning is that the idea of voice over narrations that deal with other events is confusing. It is a common enough storytelling convention, but maybe I need something to make it more obvious.