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Inspector_Spinda
Dec '20

I guess what I'm really asking for is a review of the first chapter and maybe the second chapters if you're feeling generous. I recently redid a few pages I felt weren't really working at the end of chapter one, and I really want some feedback for it. My specific questions are:

  1. Is it funny overall?
  2. Is the main character enjoyable?
  3. Is the pacing off? I know my panel to panel storytelling skills aren't as sharp as they could be. Are any parts confusing or awkward?

  • created

    Dec '20

  • last reply

    Dec '20
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cookieroach
Dec '20

Overall:
I think the art and characters are great, the style fits the tone for the story. It's easy to read and follow what's happening, so I think the paneling is good!

  1. yes, it made me laugh. I tried to be objective but I had to laugh from the first page (I love jokes about booze, can't help it)
  2. Yes, he feels unique and interesting. The characters, also stand out from each other which is just as important
  3. I think the paneling is good and clear. The only critique I have might be the pacing. For me it feels like the comic is somewhere in between a-gag-a-page and a continuous story. Maybe focusing on one over the other might improve the pacing. This is just my opinion though, feel free to disagree if you're aiming for something else.
midnight_rendezvous
Dec '20
  1. The banner alone is hilarious. When I read the first few panels, I found them funny in a very surface-level way.
  2. He's British? He's an alcoholic vampire. That is very enjoyable in itself. He's like a grumpy but lovable uncle to Zazu (is that her name), and I get the feeling that he'd grow on me if I continued to read.
  3. The pacing is okay but the first few panels only seem to have 1 piece of action per page and not much dialogue. It seemed a bit stilted and like you just stitched panels together without too much focus on how they flow in relation to each other. That being said, I probably wouldn't have noticed if I'd read this on my phone and I'd swiped.
Inspector_Spinda
Dec '20
cookieroach

thank you. I think I didn't really pay enough attention to what I wanted the pacing to be in the first chapter. Especially in the pages between the one where he's at the bar and the one where he sees the purple girl. I didn't really know how to get him from point A to B and I occasionally still feel stuck in similar moments. Any specific tips for that?

Inspector_Spinda
Dec '20
midnight_rendezvous

Her name is Zauna, but her dad nicknamed her Zazu. I'm glad you feel like you can keep reading. Hopefully I improve in all aspects. Thanks for the sub!

Do you think the lack of dialogue is the main issue or just the panels? Do you think I need to rescript the opening pages? I won't do it now of course, but if I can think of an idea of how to open the comic with more dialogue and a different scenario, should I try to replace what's there now? Mainly I just wanted to emphasis the premise.

scribesunlimited
Dec '20

  1. Is the comic funny? Well, yes and no. It was hard to say that every page was funny, because the pacing just seemed a bit off. Not sure why you'd have a few panels for each page if the story wasn't continuing. This would have worked a bit better had there been more panels per page. Overall, the whole chapter on its face is funny. Not seen anything like this yet. :smiley:

  2. Uncle Hugh is very engaging and hilarious. The scrapes he gets into are truly quite amusing. Liked the first chapter quite a bit. It's obvious he's a vampire, but he likes to go his own way, he's very liberal when it comes to following the "vampire rules", and he's certainly a unique character.

  3. Pacing. Um, yeah, pacing, wow...where do we start? Do better, please. :smiley: That's really all we can say. You're using way too many pages. More needs to happen. Combining pages in some areas would have helped a lot. Don't worry too much about "Webcomic rules" here. A page should be done when it reaches a place where it's done, if you get our meaning. Don't rely on the 4-5 panel format like we do. :stuck_out_tongue:

All in all, we think this is an enjoyable read, despite a few drawbacks. :smiley: Keep up the good work. We'll send you 1,000 ink for the efforts so far. :heart:

Inspector_Spinda
Dec '20

Thank you so much and I'm sorry! I actually felt it was too rushed, but you think it's going too slowly? Do you have anything specific you would like to see cut out?

scribesunlimited
Dec '20

Absolutely NOT. Do NOT cut. You have no reason to cut anything out here, (we only read the first chapter, of course.)

It's going too slowly simply because you're not putting enough into each page to show readers the story "moves forward". That's the only drawback we see. :smiley: inks delivered. :smiley: If you want to see how we handle the pacing in the "Insignificant Otters"1 (we stick mostly to 4-5 panels a page too), you can see what we mean.

midnight_rendezvous
Dec '20
Inspector_Spinda

Actually going back to reread the first few panels, I don't think you need to change anything. For example on panels 1.3 and 1.4, you don't need dialogue there so don't worry about it.

It becomes more engaging after Zazu is dropped off at school, and the panels seem to flow better. That being said, you should definitely try to add more action to one page.

(P.S seeing bats in the comic is a low blow after the year we've had)

Inspector_Spinda
Dec '20

which page?

lmao hugh is clean and he'll be damned if someone tries to turn him into soup

scribesunlimited
Dec '20

You should definitely go through the whole comic and decide where the story trips up or slows down or cuts out too unexpectedly. If you're unsure of proper pacing, we suggest some tutorials or articles that may help. :slight_smile: