Let's talk about love

[beta1042]

well yeah, that's just common courtesy

[ISNEKO]

About the closest I get is saying, "what is love?" over voice chat and hoping someone says the next line.

[SleepingPoppy]

(I'm sorry )

[mariusthered]

bla! love! a vile virus much like a common cold.
the worse thing about love is nobody really knows the real thing.
those who get real love often don't know what they have until they loose it.
people longing for love are often so desperate for it they are sucked in by people who will use them only to cast them aside when they have all they wanted.
and those who are hurt by love are changed in a way that trust can never be given to that vile emotion again.
as for relationships, I think the biggest problem with this world is everybody works too fast. they dive into things wanting instant gratification, lust in the guise of love. and then just move on to the next one when the relationship falls apart.
romantic love is about as trust worthy as a toddler with a switch blade.
but there are more stable versions of love. a love between a dog and his master can always be trusted, treat the dog right and it will never leave and always be there by your side. 99% of the time a love between mother and child is genuine love, a mother will always be there for you no matter how old you are.
this is why I call love a virus, it is as changeable as a common cold and you never know when your going to catch it!

[yozhikisblue]

You know- I think it's interesting to hear Jane Austen mentioned in that context because I always felt her depictions of love had this politely restrained quality that I assume came with the time period and social class she was writing about (not to mention general censorship in publishing). To be honest, as great of a writer as she is, and as shrewd as her work may be about laying bare the flaws of her social milieu, I couldn't help but feel the romances in her books actually didn't feel very genuine (feel free to disagree with me though- there's certainly a lot of different kinds of relationships out there...)

Plus there's my personal experience to consider...and based on that, "true love" seems to be built on two things: being able to be totally honest and upfront with each other- and (this closely follows) being the same kind of crazy so you not only accept that honesty, but totally get it too, no matter how strange x')

[kimketli]

same. :DDD (and plus one sentence, because it will be too short for Tapas :D)

[SleepingPoppy]

[mariusthered]

id rather have a cold shower and a box of choccys thanks

[Kann]

I've never experienced love other than to family and friends, so I write from what I've seen and know about love... XD

[J.Lovelace]

It's like when you get so comfortable with someone that things you'd normally consider offensive that would be a major turn off just don't matter anymore cause you love them.

It can also go the other way. Things that you usually don't care about become a big deal.
For example when someone forgets about your Birthday or anniversary, you shrug it away, but when your SO forgets it, it rather hurts.

[unknown_user]

By the way, I think that "romantic love" is very overestimated in our society. Even enjoyable and healthy romantic relationships (which are more rare than unhealthy and unsatisfactory ones, from my experience) don't solve all your mental problems and don't make you fully happy automatically. And, of course, relationships are not necessary for being happy. I remember times when I wasn't in love with anyone and have felt good.

There are a lot of different kinds of enjoyable interactions between people. Romantic interactions are only one kind of them.

For example when someone forgets about your Birthday or anniversary, you shrug it away, but when your SO forgets it, it rather hurts.

Awww. I always forget about birthdays.

[Cavechan]

Example:You're peacefully lying in bed together and they roll over and fart in your general direction and all you do is snort in laughter at the situation.

That's like my husband and I, except when he does that, I meow angrily at him. Like "Meow?! Meeeeeeeeow."

We meow at each other. It's our thing. Friends and family have learned to live with it.

For example when someone forgets about your Birthday or anniversary, you shrug it away, but when your SO forgets it, it rather hurts.

Hm, I don't think we really do that. I guess because my husband is ALWAYS asking when my birthday is when he has to fill out paperwork or something. He just knows it's "in February". lol His is easy because it's right after Christmas.

We never bother giving each other birthday or Christmas presents. We might just have dinner out somewhere. My family always asks "What did you and husband get each other for Christmas?" Err... nothing. I just say we buy the stuff we need when we need it.

[J.Lovelace]

That's cool

We always ask each other what to do for Birthday. Since we're a writer and artist couple, I always ask him a month in advance what I can draw for him, and he asks me what kind of story he can write for me.
We feel excited to give our gift XD

[amberberry]

I was starting to think I wasn't able to feel love. I've never felt loved really and I haven't seen much of romantic love in my life. I don't even remember when I saw my parents kiss each other. But then I met my current boyfriend online. He confessed to me first and to be honest, I didn't have much feelings towards him at that point. I had a small crush I think since my heart did a little flutter when I saw him online etc. but I get crushes really easily so I didn't really think much of it. But I wanted to get to know him better so we started talking. I don't know when it happened exactly but I fell in love. We've been together for a year now, living in a long-distance relationship is tough but I wouldn't change a second of it away.
For me the love just came from normal everyday things, talking with him, joking around, getting him to play Zeld and Fire Emblem, and most importantly finally meeting him, getting to talk to him face to face, touch him, hug him, kiss him... That's when I realized I loved him. Doing things together and having fun together and crying together is what I love the most.
I'm a hopeless romantic when it comes to things, I've read so many romance stories but now I've started to see things differently and realized that love doesn't have to be so "over the top". That you don't have to take a walk under the moonlight to fall in love, or look super pretty to fall in love or get someone to become interested in you. Apparently posting heart emojis when other person sends dog pictures is enough sometimes.

(I don't really know where I was going with this wall of text. I started rambling a lot but I think I wanted to say that love is really unexpected and comes from the little things that you do together)

[charliesackett]

There are some caveats to 'a truthful and sincere heart'. Like, make sure you communicate effectively as well as honestly. It's not helpful for anyone if you yell and accuse each other when you're upset. Sometimes, you have to filter the urge to scream about clothes left on the floor through the process of "is it helpful? Is it necessary? Is it kind?". If not then it's good to tailor your honesty into something more productive than your initial, honest reaction. Like instead of "you're such a fucking slob I've told you a thousand times I'm not your mom" etc etc maybe "I'd really appreciate it if you made an effort to keep clothes off the floor because it's really frustrating me and it'd make me feel a lot better. "

But true love, I think, is if even after a few years, your SO coming home makes you as excited as the pizza guy.

[IdiotWithPencil]

to me, love is just two people who are friends "REAL FRIENDS" (not that fake friend zone people talk about) who just decided one day to try something out if it works hurray if not o well.

I'm horrible at trying to understand what genuine romance and love is like,

Imagen two people who get along really well, like two best friends, but sometimes fuk, boom that's love
Romance is more like what you do to make the other one happy, and show that you care. it could be something as simple as a "I love you" to and elaborate vacation to mars

but that's just my experience from me and my sister's past relationships =P

[Moxxi]

Being someone who's just started dating and participating in the occasional hook-up, I can say that the carnal path is a road filled with too many valleys with a few hills and mountain peaks sprinkled roundabout..

[inkythoughts]

As mentioned before, love and relationships are very multifaced so having something from carnal desire isn't necessarily bad, especially since there are no two relationships alike. I think what's most important for a relationship to work is that you don't have one big "YES I DO" moment but decide wholeheartedly to love the other person each day anew and are willing to grow together but also as individuals. Note though that everyone in the relationship needs to do this, and sometimes you might also just ... stop loving someone, and that's okay too. It's perfectly ok to leave, it doesn't diminish the true feelings and relationship you had, it just happens to be over and you can find something new while still thinking fondly of the love you had. It is worse to hold onto something that actually is only an empty shell just out of convenience.

While I consider Pride & Prejudice as one of my favourite books because both characters actively try to change and be a better version of themselves period when the other points out their flaws, I still have to say that I don't think that many of the protagonists in Austen's novels actually marry completely out of love. I mean Lizzy regrets rejecting Mr Darcy after she saw his big estate. Sense & Sensibility also feels more like a convenient "I get along with him and he seems very loyal and does NOT impregnate young women to then ditch all the responsibilities." Their love is always very reasonable and intellectual, and if it is because the girls actually feel something passionate before they thought about it properly, it easily is condemmed (like Marianne and Lydia). The men get off the hook more easily, namely Darcy, probably because he doesn't appear very passionate to everyone else. Of course you need to read the novels with Austen's time in mind where eloping to Scottland was very scandalous and you wanted especially girls to behave "properly", but I don't think you can measure every relationship by Austen standards to determine whether it's "true love" and you "found The One"(which both are very stupid terms to begin with.)
I would say your view is very idealised and somewhat innocent/puristic and only works for a selected few relationships. Love being "sincere and truthful" can look very differently depending on the individual people in the relationship, and there most definitely isn't one right way. I just found that love is wayyy too much an emotion that you can rationalise it the way Austen's "good" female characters do. It's not rational. You can create a certain fondness or appreciation for someone on a rational basis because objectively you're a "good fit" but much like Darcy said, it oftentimes just goes against your better reasoning (and it can drive you crazy sometimes.) It's also not always mutual, or in the same intensity, sometimes the feelings are there but it just won't work out for other reasons.

Things might look great on paper and yet just won't work out in the real world.

[monotone_ink]

I've resigned to living my life alone.

Real talk though, I see genuine love as something that stems from mutual understanding.
However, it's also extremely difficult and scary to open yourself up to someone else--it's like tearing down your own defenses in the hopes that opposing forces won't tear you down too.

[qwerty]

I have a specific viewpoint about love that came from analyzing it very logically (beep boop). I started typing a whole essay for this post but deleted it because it was getting too long ^^;

Instead I will say that what I consider to be "true" love has nothing to do with emotions, relationships, or any particular person other than oneself. You can either just be a loving person in general or not, and that will manifest in all your relationships, romantic or otherwise.

Being vulnerable, respecting others, having compassion, laughing, appreciating, being willing to understand someone and to care - these are the kinds of things that make up love, but the capacity for these things is not dependent on any particular person or relationship. It's just you - how you choose to relate to yourself and to the world at large.

So I do agree that "true" love is very simple, if not necessarily easy. It's just that social norms, sex, people's likes / dislikes, and emotional attachments seem to make it all complicated.