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Jan 2021

So I've been working on a fantasy story and I just want to make sure the hook actually...hooks. Because webcomics tend to move...and I have the bad habit of slowing down. It's also in vertical format and I'm used to horizontal so I just feel like double checking that it's working...So I'm gonna link to the first 4 episodes (it's 4 even though it says more than that--it's just that Tapas episodes can't fit as many as webtoon so I had to halve it. It doesn't take too long to read though. There's some dialogue but it's not very dense.) the feedback I'm looking for is.

-would you keep reading? why or why not? (this is mostly preference, if you're into the genre or the age group, but I still want this feedback)
-do you understand what is happening?
-what was the thing that pulled you in the most?
-for reals, did I misspell anything?

The story is intended for the phone so those on monitors will get that lovely thing where it's just like...huge ass bubbles and space everywhere.

As for art (especially the anatomy), I already know that Meredith contains multitudes and will not stay on model for her dear life--I'm not too worried about that since I'm gonna go back and fix that eventually after I've gotten used to drawing her. This isn't 100% finalized or polished, which is why I'm showing it to you now. Especially Ep 1 is a little jank, and it will see some polishing done at a later time, it was just the first episode so I wasn't solid yet on what stylistic routes I was taking. (that and I wanted Ep 1 to be kind of dreamlike)

I will be deleting it once I get enough feedback, since it is like months of uploads. The lucky few get to see it early, ooo.

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    Jan '21
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    Jan '21
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So I think, in regards to working in a vertical scrolling format, this is very successful. You've got some great pacing with really tightly-packed fast-moving chaotic action sequences combined with some really serene slow-paced bits, and a nice way of building tension with the physical scrolling. So in that respect, mad props.

As for your spelling, the one thing that stood out is that it's Dante's Inferno, with Dante being possessive, while you've got it spelled Dantes Inferno, like Dante is plural.

The only thing that really confused me as a reader is how the female character knew that the place she landed in was a place called Dante's Inferno, because nothing let the reader know how she knew. Has she been there before, and that's how she knew? Has she just heard about it spoken of? Even including a line of dialogue like, "Not this place again... I've been here before! Dante's Inferno!" Or, "I've heard about this place... Please don't let it be what I think it is! Dante's Inferno!" That will give the reader a little more information so it's not as confusing.

It's also a little hard right off the bat to see how Meredith's story has anything to do with the hybrid's story, or vice versa. The portal goes to Earth (?) But Meredith isn't on Earth anymore? She's in Dante's Inferno, but hybrid man is in a place called Chiaroscuro. And I'm currently far more interested in what happened to Meredith, rather than broody pretty boy's contemplations of life, so as a reader, if I didn't get more Meredith or very strong suggestions of how the stories might cross over sooner rather than later, I might lose interest.

Those are just my initial thoughts, but overall I think it's a really great start! Honestly!

@ninjashira thank you so much that's super helpful actually--I think I can put in a sign with all the other signs so that way it lets people know that this is the name of a place on Earth named after the story, especially since we have two different places. Thank you so much for the feedback! I wasn't sure if I should put in a "meanwhile" type narrator thing when going between the two places because it felt kind of corny.

Yeah I definitely don't think you need a narrator caption or anything like that, like you said, they are a little corny. And it's very clear that the two storylines are in different places, the art and the script speaks for itself in that regard.

I think the confusion came from thinking that when the woman crashed and realized she was in Dante's Inferno, that Dante's Inferno isn't on Earth. That somehow the crash took her to another world, like Dorothy and the tornado. The sequence of art there does have a very "transported to another dimension" vibe to it, and of course the name "Dante's Inferno" has unavoidable correlations of a man leaving Earth and journeying through the dimensions of hell. Visually or verbally reinforcing that Dante's Inferno in your story is still on Earth would definitely help alleviate that initial confusion.