I think the problem is that you have tried to mix too many different styles so the end style is not clear.
I suggest to study a strong style that you like and stay very close to it until you really understand how it works
Some shapes are a little weird and confusing and mess up legibility
+ I made a line to show that your letters are dancing a lot and we probably should calm this a little bit (I aligned things more in my version)
Ideally every letter should have the same amount of white inside and we can see that there are huuuge differences like between "o" and "D" or "g"
I had to make some decisions regarding style to keep it consistent so here they are:
— I kept the star + heart shapes that I think are cool, and the angular counterforms (triangle and diamond)
— I kept the idea of overlapping but made it stronger and more consistent: if the lining is too thin, it's less legible
— I decided that we would go for a heavy weight such as the one in the "D" and make all the letters in the same weight with is often seen in graffiti (big fat letters)
— Everything was too condensed so I gave it more space
— I went for only capital letters and no lowercase letters (graffiti is often all capitals only)
— Your design has sharp shapes and soft shapes. Many graffiti styles go for sharp / angular so I went that direction
— I changed the shape of S and G that are important since they are at the beginning and the end of the word on top. I "broke" their structure to add more angles.
And if you want an even stronger graffiti feel you can add a volume effect like this:
To answer the question about Comic Sans: the font has nothing wrong in itself even though typographers don't consider it super well drawn. The main problem with it is that it has been too used in wrong contexts. Now it has a connotation of bad design. It screams "I picked the first script font I found in my computer". It's cursed now