Meaty Reviews Season 1 (Post your Comic, Get a Meaty Review) (Finished)

[Kittosaurus]

Sad but true - compliments while nice and ego feeding do not help you improve! Too many artists let their hurt feelings get in the way and stagnate.

It is also funny how as a society ( or at least in Canada ), we tend to put feelings before honesty. We are always too scared to hurt someone's feelings then tell them how we really feel. I know I am guilty of this!

[GusC]

When I was talking about the mechanical approach, I was suggesting that while you are adhering strictly to your references, you are most likely missing out on your own innate stylistic flare. The overly precise strokes of the pen could also be making exciting scenes less dynamic. If you are going for realistic anime style, then I wouldn't worry too much about it. i can certainly understand focus. Still, think about trying some bolder, less restricted drawing, once you think you've learned enough. You'll surprise yourself with how good you might be.

Once again, I'm very impressed that you are working with English as a non ntive speaker. That's not something I could ever see myself doing.

[skicoak]

Sad but true - compliments while nice and ego feeding do not help you improve! Too many artists let their hurt feelings get in the way and stagnate

Sometimes I think this is the most important skill I learned in Art school/college. You don't have to even agree with all of a well thought out review to understand how valuable it is.

GusCammisa is doing a great job of it. It's not all fluff and trumpets, but it's clear that a lot of consideration is being put into the constructive criticisms. These are reviews meant to spur consideration, and as such are worth their weight in gold.

[GusC]

You're on the list, sonny jim. It may take a day or two, but I'm making my way to you, baby.

[GusC]

I am going to do everything in my power to make sure this is the best review you ever get for your work and that you do NOT regret this.

[GusC]

I'm new, so maybe my outlook is naive and weak, but you, lady, have close to 2 million views and many hundreds of subs. I'll do my thing, but I have to say that I'm pretty surprised to see someone of your level in a thread like this.

[GusC]

This is definitely not my type of comic, friend, but you're getting a meaty one nonetheless. I'm going to expand my horizons, God damn it.

[GusC]

It may take a few days, but you will get your beefy, meaty review. Considering that "furry" content dominates the internet market, I hope you never feel self concious about making such a product. An initial glance tells me all i need to know: you're serving a need.

[beta1042]

haha yeah I was able to gather that XD and I think mine may be one of the longer comics asked to be reviewed. So many thanks for taking the time. I hope it's not too painful for you

[GalacticPotato]

It's not really like that, it's just that I know some people are uncomfortable about furries, even if the content isn't sex oriented and I like to have a little laugh about the subject, but thanks still XD

[UrMom]

Thank you, Gus! Take your time, my comic and I will be darkening this community's doorstep for a few more years.

[keii4ii]

Well, we're all learning here! You provide very fair, well-articulated critiques! Even if I had a trillion views, that wouldn't make my work above being critiqued, especially since my goal with this story isn't "get a trillion views."

[GusC]

Round 8

The Ripple Effect

I was first struck by the magnitude of the stakes--saving the world across all timestreams. That's intense as hell. It's also potentially a big trap. Such huge stakes are often very difficult to approach and resolve in a satisfying way. I'm eager to see if you will figure that out.

Art:
You have a solid foundation, here. I'm not able to divine whether you trace or use reference, which is a good threshold. What's even more impressive is that you have a rock solid understanding of anatomy most of the time. There's always room to improve, but I would definitely say that you know what you're doing. The hands, especially, took me off guard with how generally correct they were. I just checked again--can't find any weird looking hands other than some suspicious ones on Page 4. That's huge on its own. Good stuff.

To reiterate, the anatomy is solid. Is it perfect? Definitely not. And truth be told, the proportions for many panels are less than convincing, namely the bodies and lengths of arms. The biggest offender is Page 4 again. The fat man looks awful, but I have no doubt you recognize that--it's such a red herring in what is otherwise a comfortably convincing work. And even there, all of the facial expressions are great. You certainly nail expressiveness when you want to--which is not enough. Every time your characters pull a face, they come alive, and when they don't, they look cheap. Take a look at Pages 6-8 and see the difference it makes for Enzo in particular. He looks badass and interesting when he grimaces, grits his teeth, glares, etc, and when his face is at rest, he looks like his gimp expression is straight out of an Elder Scrolls game.

What really exaggerates the flaws in the art is your lighting. Is it correct? Probably close enough, but the contrast is disorientingly high.Faces get chopped up and skewed, bodies look misshapen and glitchy... whatever you're doing, it's not working. I'd dial it down a few degrees because it masks your awesome work and it aggravates your lesser work. Page 3 and 8 are the best examples of this. Let some of the detail below the shadow show through. I'm willing to bet it will look better.

Character design is decent. The only big stand out is Enzo, who looks cool as hell. The rest are middling.

Writing:
It's always a struggle to feel confident in my reviews of writing when there's less to go on. I assume competence, and I have faith in you, so you certainly get the benefit of the doubt. I saw no overt problems. It's solid. No dialogue felt awkward, forced, or out of place. There weren't any lines that stuck out as beautiful or compelling, but it is quite early for that. "More like every night" is the best candidate for wit, and it is effective, for sure. Other than that, no stand outs.

It has happened again--the story about Connor has been eclipsed by Enzo. Now, the excuse here is that it's only been 10 pages, so this isn't much of an issue--but it could be a red flag. Connor isn't interesting. I find myself asking only one question about Connor, and that's: "Why is he so nonchalant about the fact that he abruptly decided to wager his life for a strange job on an unknown crew of an unknown ship of an unknown industry in an unknown world"--all unknown to the reader, mind you. I have no context for why this guy pulled the move he did. That will be explained--is what you might say, and that's certainly fair, but in these crucial beginning pages, I find myself more emotionally invested in Enzo's financial problems and frayed relationship with the mysterious, punishing Captain. Those are immediately interesting. I hope Connor will have his share of intrigue. Big Bald Boy is cool. Classic silent giant archetype always works.

The plot has yet to unfold, but I have so far been unable to forge a connection between your premise and these first ten pages. No clue where it is headed--or, rather, I have a lot of trouble seeing the graceful connections to the intense cross-time peril. I have faith that you do.

Summation:
Taken as a whole, you have an admirable foundation to work with in both art and writing. With little to go on, I had comparatively less to say, but even so you should be excited with what you have. it's going to be a long journey for you, with such high ambition. I can certainly relate to that with my own comic--I feel a kinship with you in that regard. If you stick with it, I can see this comic becoming exceptional with practice and time. I see only upward trajectory so long as you are watching your contrasts and your MC's ability to intrigue the audience.

[GusC]

Reading now. Deep breaths, Gus, you hidebound son of a bitch.

[GusC]

Round 9

I Wish I Were You

I couldn't read the whole thing. It is just too huge--I feel guilty, but the confluence of obstacles was too much for me this early in my critical career. it's a genre I have trouble engaging with, in an artistic tradition I have never been able to genuinely appreciate, for too many chapters. All of that said, I read a big chunk of it(1-~20) (~40-present), in the beginning and most recent. I am going to say as much as I can about what I could divine from your work.

I'll skip the Goals section because it ties in intimately with your art and writing.

Art:
The most important point here is that your commenters are correct: your art is indeed improving. Things are smoother, more consistent, and more appealing to the eye--and most importantly, they do not look s cheap. Now, the second half of this point is that I am just a bit deflated to see that improvement seems to be relatively slow. You have been working on this for over a year now, and while you have unquestionably improved and matured as an artist, I can't help but expect more progress. The reason is known to you only, but my biased mind wonders--genuinely--if the manga style encourages simplification to such a degree that it can interfere with mastering the fundamentals and traditional foundations of drawing. Only you can answer that question, but I would consider trying some more ambitious designs and compositions. Push yourself. You will probably be startled by how good you can be.

This is only an issue in a perfectionist way--95% of the faces you draw are 3/4 view, profile, or straight on look. There is very little diversity of perspective and composition. it's very safe. That isn't necessarily a problem for the comic, but it could be a big obstacle for you. The antics of your characters will be amplified tenfold with clever perspectives. Chace's glittering beauty and nonchalant Greek-statuesque grace would be augmented wonderfully by some angelic cranes of the neck, turns of the face, Fiona's vivacity is chained by her repetitive expressions and angles. That's the kind of thing I'm talking about: reinforcing your colorful personalities with dramatic expressive poses.

A final smaller issue is that every face seems to be structured almost identically. Maybe that's just the style, but once again I suggest that you will shock yourself by bringing some design detail to each individual. All of this said... they're still cute. And I laughed several times to see Chace's sparkles. I'm thrilled to see they survived every chapter.Mason looks really boring in comparison to everyone else. Fiona and Gwen have an unfair advantage--their unique hair color gives them an edge. But maybe those are commonplace in manga.

Writing:
Well, you certainly achieved your goal of creating a charming, easy read to calm the mind and sooth the soul. As much as I avoid this sort of thing, I found i was immediately charmed by the shameless wholesomeness and peaceful self satisfaction that radiates from your work. There isn't much depth outside of the shock that was Valerie's intriguing character dynamic. She has a lot going for her: the tortured twisting of allegiances, the clash of nostalgic friendships and the ever moving demands of growing up, the battle for status as a BENEVOLENT mistress of the social ladder, etc. Honestly, that's perfectly fine with a serial like this. Everyone fulfills their role in a satisfying, predictable, comforting way.

What intrigues me is that the primary conceit of the story seems to have been solved by Chapter 44. The Valentine's Day dates resolve the misunderstandings AND pairbond the appropriate couples. I'm interested to know what happens now, in your plan. Is there drama on the horizon, or are you thinking of developing a voyeuristic joy simulator, following their idyllic adventures and antics? Or is this coming to a close? Either way, it's a surprising development... but to be honest, 44 chapters is probably enough relationship confusion and miscommunication.

Summation:
I expected it to be a lot more painful, but it ended up being a charming romp through a genre I've never given much thought to. It was, in fact, a valuable experience for me to see what's going on in that world. I can see the appeal--the glut of grim tension and overbearing melodrama out there can easily become fatiguing. Luckily, there are those such as yourself to provide the oases of comfort. Even if there isn't much beneath the surface, you're developing a lovely surface on its own. It will improve dramatically with some more focused, disciplined practice and study. Don't let the technical moorings of manga hold back your artistic growth. Many, many, MANY potentially good artists are ground to dust by that wood chipper called Manga/Anime Style.

[GusC]

Reading now. I hope you are able to find confidence in your work--or at least find strength in your conviction to learn and improve.

[GusC]

Round 10

ROYAL

The information you've given is by your own admission conflicting and waffley, so I did not have a good picture of what to expect going into your work. That said, you are operating in a genre that has been meticulously defined over many years and franchises. Academic Magical Drama has a long legacy from which to draw expectations.

Goals:
I'd love to know if you are having fun with it. If the absurd drama is any indication, you seem to be having a blast. I was definitely able to feel and share in the joy that went into making this. Regardless of any issues I may have, it was a delight to know that I could read your enthusiasm and emotional investment in the work itself. One of the more common pitfalls is that the energy of the creator either never channels itself through the product, or the creator's lack of energy drowns the entire experience. You've managed to avoid that problem, as far as I can tell.

What's more, it seems you've accomplished the goal of amassing a small but lively audience of fans. Those people took time to make FAN ART of YOUR creations. That's success, my dude.

As for your target audience, that took my off guard. I had a similar critique about Mirror Monster: your expected audience is far older than I would have expected, given the immaturity of the material. Other than the profanity sprinkled throughout the story, there doesn't seem much that is legitimizing the search for an older audience. Perhaps my perspective is warped. I'm 24, myself, for reference. Draw your own conclusions from that.

Art
You made a damn good decision by simplifying. Ditching the color and focusing on the traditional manga greyscale and layout allowed for better flow and easier readability. I often hear that the mark of a great creator is his or her choice of shortcut. This is an efficient one. That said, i don't think it was all that bad. The Prologue was flat for all but one panel, true, but it was not offensive to the eye. The grey scale, conversely is actively improving the experience. I'm sure it also saves you oodles of time.

Your style seems pretty standard issue manga-lite. I'm personally not fond of it, but from what I've seen, you're making it work as well as one could expect. My primary issue is that I think your art has regressed since you started. I much prefer the way the Royals look in the first chapter. They age quite a bit by Chapter 2, which adds a level of clashing absurdity to the already bizarre setting, but we'll get to that in writing. Seeing children bungle about in magical chaos is one thing, but the image of young adults doing so is far less endearing. I should be more specific: you improve in your skills themselves, but I think the character design degrades by a few degrees. Compare Chapter 1: Page 13 Oliver with Chapter 2 page 9 Oliver. He looks "cleaner" but he has lost so much character and expressiveness. I would reconsider, or pay more attention to, how you're applying your improving skills. I've seen that a few times now--as artists improve, their character design suffers. Improvement is one thing, but channeling those improvements aesthetically is another challenge altogether.

I shouldn't be too coy, I don't find the character designs very inspiring themselves. The most notable characteristic Junior has--the only notable characteristic--is his pink hair, which is unknowable in greyscale. Oliver doesn't even have that going for him. I honestly hesitate every time I see them, wondering if they are new background characters. Elliot stands out because he's the only schmuck with glasses, and there only a handful of ladies to differentiate between. There's the wolf fella, but he's there only briefly... yeah, I think you should consider some more ambitious designs. Put those newfound skills and discipline to work, man, you'll be surprised how damn good you are if you dare.

My final concern is that while you have dynamic poses most of the time, and I definitely feel a good amount of motion and energy in your action, I have a very difficult time figuring out what exactly is going on.Page 33-37 of Chapter 1 is hard to follow. The succubus action is solving the problem somewhat, but I think you can do even better. The energy of your character's actions will be best served if the reader can see their wind up, their execution, and/or their results in a fluid flow of panels.

Writing:
Ultimately, i think you could probably delay your artistic development in favor of hammering out what exactly this story is trying to do. As it stands now, I can discern only that two brothers are going to have an episodic, segmented series of misadventures in a whacky world. If that's the intent, you're making it happen. If you have a larger narrative in mind, I have yet to see the breadcrumb trail. The strange and surreal reality is running wild right now, and I think your comic would be best served by figuring out whether it is episodic or more plot focused. That will help the pacing, which is the other primary problem I'm seeing.

The most egregious pacing issue is that the first student battle we see is Oliver, the younger, more vulnerable brother, being predated upon by a guy who can STEAL SOULS. Yeah, he KILLS people by stealing their life force and sublimates that into power. That's the start off bully character. How this kid is allowed to do what he does, especially given how openly psychopathic he is, is a mystery to me. It was all the more mystifying that his potential double homicide--on the first God damn day of school--was met with school probation. Now, that's funny, and you did want this to be a fun story, so I totally can see how that works. But I'm not feeling enough self awareness to ease the absurdity of the story. As it stands, it's just frickin weird, and that makes the pacing problems all the more pronounced.

We could use a good introduction to the main casts powers. I know you have little bios for each of them when they show up, but I can't help but think that this is a sloppy way of conveying information. The old adage "Show, don't tell" is a good one to follow more often than not. On the other hand, you can also afford to be more liberal with your exposition. A good exposition dialysis would go a long way in making the chaos more digestible.

Summation:
I hope more than anything that you are having fun, because the comic itself is radiant with joy and enviable childlike abandon. I think you should consider making this a dedicated younger person story. It has the potential, the charm, and the formula to serve that audience. Ultimately that is up to you. What should not be up for debate is that you take some time away from the chaotic fun to have some disciplined fun, and map out exactly what this story is going to be--as it stands now, it is hard for me, the reader to engage with the free for all going on here.

[beta1042]

Ahh yes I feel like none of this comes as a surprise so I guess that's good that you didn't find any major problem I was unaware of. I've always known my art is my weakest part. I was more diligent with growth in the beginning(doing gesture practice daily, and anatomy studies, yadda yadda), but lately I havn't had much time to work on art improvement (Mother of a younger toddler and preggo with a 2nd- most of whatever small free time I have has gone to napping or just maintaining the comic at its current level). I have been slowly target practicing some things, but yeah I'm just kinda working at my own pace.

I do find it a little disappointing that you think all the faces are the same, as they do all have very different facial structures (different eyes, jawlines, head shapes, noses, etc) but I'm not too surprised because i'm pretty bad at drawing consistently and I also revert to chibi type faces or exaggerated featureless expressions often. However I did think I was finally getting better at it, but I guess it may just be me seeing what I want XD Luckily my characters all have very different hair colors so no one ever gets them confused haha. I am glad you thought Mason is boring, he was supposed to be boring in design and his colors are muted on purpose.

Hmm the story is far from over, like I said it's a bit of a slow burn for drama. Maybe because you skipped the middle where the title drop is, but yeah the big conflict isn't with the romances with the girls, it's between the two boys and some unaddressed jealousy and secrets and other stuff that has yet to surface so far in their friendship. The girls are sort of there to kinda get things going so that they are finally forced to deal with the issues between them XD I don't want to go into it further for fear of spoilers.

Thank you for taking time to read my fluff even though it's not your cup of tea. I really appreciate it. Likewise your comic isn't really up my alley, but I'll try to give it a good look when I have time.

[GusC]

Done for the night. I will finish off the first wave of entries tomorrow. I'm thrilled to see that this is helpful for people. I have no intention of demoralizing anyone; I only wish to offer my own meaty perspective in the interest of promoting a more critical eye in the community. We all deserve to be taken seriously.

Leftovers
Flirting with Death
Edible Green Tea
Sideways
Trip Across the Multiverse
and The Guide to a Healthy Relationship

[GusC]

Reading now. I shall pay very close attention to the pacing.