My very first comic, any criticism is welcomed

[MegaRay]

I made two chapter of my comic, would like to improve in my next projects so, here's chapter 1, as the title says, all criticism is welcomed.

Crystal Crown :: Chapter 1 | Tapas

[TimCaloweh]

You forced your plot way too much. A bunch of cliches were mashed in with no subtlety and poor use. The pacing dragged a bit in the beginning and then floored it once they entered the city. The twist came out of nowhere with little to no build up and poor use. The dialogue is bland and runs parallel to the cliches in terms of tone, with a hint of melodrama.

[punkarsenic]

hey!! congratulations on getting started

some notes while reading through:

• think carefully about the information you want your audience to have immediately, and never tell them something you can show them. for example, when we enter the city we can see for ourselves that the wanted poster is for carlos' dad, so you dont need to tell us. and then, when you immediately explain why, is that the most interesting way to tell us that? you may want to leave us wondering why theres a wanted poster for this guy for a little while, until the reason is revealed in the story
• similarly, in the prologue you could have utilised visual language a lot more to show us how angry this guy is, instead of relying so much on dialogue
• remember that your comic is gonna be read vertically, text should go top to bottom, left to right. in some places you have the first bubbles of the page near the bottom, where people reading on a computer cant even see them yet, like here:
  
  
  
  just pull those bubbles on the left up a bit, yeah? this is a pretty common mistake that everyone makes
• also on bubbles, if you format your text in a diamond shape it will fit into a bubble better, and dont be afraid of making some of your bubbles rounder or taller to fit the panel and the text
• the bit where carlos is crying about losing his dad, saying hes gonna starve on the street, is really sweet and funny
• the flashback at the start of chapter 2 is kinda out of nowhere, and its jarring when it transitions back into the start. you made the gutters black to clarify that its a flashback which is good, but you could push further using your colour palette and leaving a larger space between that and the present. also, dont be afraid to extend a scene like that a little longer - when its just two panels its a bit jarring
• point the tails of your speech bubbles at peoples mouths

i hope these notes help! good luck man

[MegaRay]

I love that this is very detailed, will keep these in mind moving forward. Thank you very much.

[vfinnigan]

I can't say much more than what's already been posted. However, I feel the plot's a bit rushed. Also, I'm assuming that English is not your primary language. If you write any story in a language you do not speak fluently, there are many people even right here who might be happy to help with your grammar, spelling, and such. Never rely on an online translator to do the job right.

[MegaRay]

I wanted to make it a short series, so yeah it might feel rushed. English is not my first language so i might try to get some help for my next comic.

[akhayashi]

About the spelling of the words, there's a Chrome extension called "Grammarly" that I find very useful to spot mistakes in my comic's text. English is not my first language also, so I use it to check any quotes that I don't think that look right. Just paste the text into Grammarly and it will highlight the mistakes. It works even on text boxes like this one!

I read the first chapters of your comic and I find it very nice to read. Just like the others said, you could improve the position of some text bubbles on the panels, and the pacing. Since you said that you want to keep your comic short, maybe adding some vertical space between the panels would help to "slow down" the story a bit.

[MegaRay]

Thanks, ill check that extension. And i find the empty panel trick useful.

[unknown_user]

I like burning town background and characters designs. I especially like Carlos's "father" - both for his appearance and for his role in the story. To be honest, I've subbed just to see what'll happen to him

But I should say that the events, represented in comics, sometimes look clumsy and confusing, particularly because of lack of explanations.

• When Carlos climbed up the tree and was astonished by a view of city: from his reaction, the reader can think, that it's first time he saw it. But then, from the context, it seems like he have already saw the city, just didn't visit it. So this scene becomes confusing.
• When Stella allowed Carlos to stay in her home: why did she do it for an unknown person? Why have Carlos's father allowed her to stay in his home, too? Usually you don't invite unknown people to stay in your home. Especially cursed ones. It should be explained somehow.
• How did Carlos father found him, after he went to Stella's home?

If you'll add something, which will clarify these moments, I suppose that it will improve your comics. For example, you can redact your old issues, or add explanations in the new ones. And yes, it's true that there are several cliched moments here. I'm sure that your plot can be represented in more original way, just be more creative!
And don't be too much discouraged by criticism. There is no surprise, that your very first comics will have a flaws, and it's totally normal. If you enjoy doing it, then keep it up. If you'll be persistent, you'll learn a lot and improve your skills in the process.

Good luck.

[unknown_user]

P.S. Sorry for so many redacts in my previous post. I felt I didn't express the thought clear enough from the first time, and then was too carried away by clarifications. It often happens to me, when I write in English, so please, don't mind.
P.P.S. And welcome to Tapas forum. Hope you'll find our community useful ✿ڿڿ-

[Cavechan]

First of all, I am very impressed this is your first comic. I see a lot of things that are done very well, like the color palettes are very nice. The coloring in the first page is especially striking and interesting. Your characters are designed well, easy to tell apart, and memorable. There are some pretty cool shots like the one that says "Bye kitt- and it's gone." I love the angle of that panel.

The paneling overall is good. It's not confusing and the tone of the dialogue matches the tone of the panels.

As for improvements, I don't think there's much I can add that hasn't already been said. Your grammar is definitely off in places, but it's actually almost spot on. There's just some minor mistakes here and there, like I noticed "is" is missing a lot. But the spelling is at least good.

I definitely agree what others said about the story. The story itself is pretty interesting and I want to know more, but the pacing is very strange. Fast pacing since it's a short story isn't necessarily bad, but it's a bit overwhelming for the reader. Like for the prologue pages, it's nice to start off with something striking, but it would also be nice to see more about the father person and who he is in this setting exactly.

I think the main things to work on are the grammar, the overall storytelling, improving the details in the backgrounds, and improving the anatomy of the characters. For example, the profile view of the red hair girl knocking on the door, her face looks very flat. Heads are a little bit too big in general.

I think this is really great and there is a lot of potential. Keep it up and keep improving!

[ble]

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[MegaRay]

Thank you very much. Yeah, the harsh criticism doesn't bother, as I am serious about wanting to improve my writing, etc. so my next comics doesn't make the same mistakes as this one.

[MegaRay]

Thank you for your inputs, its appreciated.

[nscomics]

first of all: cat butthole... freaking genius. second off: you have to grammar check. not because people will see it forever, it just makes the finished product look polished. third: plot. see every scene happening as if it was a movie over and over again in your head and make notes of what stands out. the more steps depicted in a scene, the more interactive it is for the viewer. I try to plan my pages out so that people have a vague to moderate idea of what is going on regardless if there are words to drive the story. then I add words and it's fun because there's not so much pressure to carry the story and add a sense of personality simultaneously. hope that helps. looks great! don't stop.

[MegaRay]

Thanks, I appreciate your input.