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Nov 2015

Hello : D
I need a little feedback on my series Bite Me38. It have 6 chapters done, but the pace is slow so it's still in early development. I'm not asking for a fully fledged review, unless you are willing to do one. I just want to know if I'm going the right direction, simply pros and cons, GO! : D

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    Nov '15
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    Nov '15
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The art is good but could use a few more different angles and perspectives. Add more to your environments. Check some of your proportions.

You seem to have your comic figured out and it's good.

I'm not a fan of the battered woman type of story because that's what this is. There is an abusive relationship involved and you let the vampire angle overtake that part of the comic and stopped addressing it. If it were written even five years ago it would pass. But in 2015, you have to be more careful with such themes ad not pass them off as just fantasy.

Cheers

Thank you! ^^
Ah yes the angles... I try to fight with them ^^

Glad you notice the abusive relation that's going on, don't worry it won't be passed nor ignored, it shall be developed, but it's not the main focus so I need to balance other strands as well : )
(Unless you were refering to "beating" part/retrospection, then it's kind of the main focus in character's ark)

I need to add that my dislike of battered women type of stories is a personal thing and has nothing to do with your ability to tell your story. I'm just not in to seeing such representations of women in popular media when there are alternatives.

Some of your readers may really enjoy this or how you've shaped that aspect of the story - hence the many Twilight and Shade of Grey fans out there. For me, it is not appealing so I would not gravitate towards such stories.

I have read through your series and here's what I think.
The Dialogue
In my honest opinion, the dialogue so far is a bit flat.
There isn't anything particularly remarkable within the dialogue. It also, at times, has an unnatural, generic feel to it, as if it were built directly from a pre-made template.
The Story
So far what has been presented has been, for the most part, a typical story. The story has a certain type of familiarity that I'm well acquainted with and not fond of. It plays on a lot of vampire romance tropes without really developing past them [the tropes].
Another point is that the story progression and general pacing is a tad bit slow.
Advice
The story, albeit cliche, is enjoyable. There could be some work done on the dialogue, and Fish suggests doing dialogue studies to help with that. She recommended studying works, books or comics, known for having good dialogue, and observing general social interactions. She suggests reading the webcomic Sakana3 and the book series Joey Pigza 1. The art is nice, your use of lighting in certain scenes gave them real impact and suits the story. However, needs a bit of work in regards to character expressions properly conveying emotions expressed within dialogue. For the most part, this is my opinion of your work for now and I hope you continue on with your comic.
Best Wishes
- Scribbles

Sorry we can't be much of a help and only complain.
-- Fish

So far my heart was torn appart with this topic x'D
But it's good, it's good. Thank you for your time and the feedback, hope I can get my dialogue better over time ^^

Very nice artwork, especially your backgrounds. I would have to agree with what the previous poster stated about the dialogue being a little "flat". Personally, I would get more verbose, almost over-the-top. Also, I would exaggerate the facial and body expressions more. I know the genre is kind of brooding and dark, but I think these tweaks could add another dimension to the work.