I hope you don't mind me kind of reviewing it
Your main character (the one with the white hair) is a girl from what I see, but your other characters talk to her as if she is a man.
You:
ืืชื - for a male
ืืช - for a female
So some things I would fix: (I really hope you don't mind)
You are broken will be
ืืช ืฉืืืจื
Fear not
You wrote ืื ืคืื
Which is a little bit stiff
ืื ืชืคืืื
Will be a lot better (though it translates to don't you (female form) fear
Take me sword, child of my blood. Through sin and chaos I shall grant you the emotions you desire.
You used ืืืฉืจ to shall grant, which translates to more of 'i approve', again the issue of the female/male tongue
So here is a the 'fixed' version (and I slightly changed it to a higher language since you wanted the Bible effect)
ืงืื ืืช ืืจืื, ืืื ืืืื ื.
ืืจื ืืื ืืชืืื ืืืืื, ืื ื ืืืื ืื ืืช ืืจืืฉืืช ืฉืืคืฆืช ืืื.
I only fixed few things so that I won't come as a harsh person, but sorry if I was too harsh