You are right; some of the text is way too small (and blurry). You may want to rethink your format. Itâs unreadable on my phone.
AJ â Since she is commonly known by this name, you can leave out the periods after the initials (eg. JFK).
Copyright notice: Capitalize âfightingâ since it is part of your title. âWithinâ is one word.
Author Message: comma after âpsychopathsâ; comma after âolderâ
âUnderageâ is not a noun. Replace with âunderage personâ or âminor.â
Spelling âpsychoticâ
Normally, youâd put hyphens on ages â16-year-old.â
âfor the words of your all powerfulâ
âa familiar sightâ
âself-defenseâ
âNow there are a few basic rules.â
Comma after âNow when we get in thereâ
Comma after âDonât lie to meâ â You are missing a lot of these direct address commas, so hereâs a link for explanation: https://www.grammar-monster.com/lessons/commas_with_vocative_case.htm
âThe stream is a go . . .â
Comma after âgame systemâ
Comma after âfilled with shillsâ
Who is saying, âI think heâs just upset about having to repeat middle school again?â The speech bubble is pointing to Donnie.
âI still wasnât able to go through with it.â
Comma after âSay againâ
Comma after âWhat was thatâ
Comma between the two âYouâre rightâs
Comma after âgeniusâ
Comma after âIâll be home soonâ
Comma after âYa knowâ
âAshley, right?â
âThatâs your name, isnât it?â
Delete comma after âHooowâ
âthat is your name, right?â
Comma after âIf I listenâ
Comma after âwanting to talk to me aboutâ
Comma after âyouâre troubledâ
Comma âbelieve the lies, which get spreadâ
Spelling âAwesomeâ
Comma after âWellâ
Comma âon the sink, which dispensed itâ
Comma after âyou knowâ
Comma after âmood todayâ
Comma after âmy terror building speechâ
Apostrophe ââCause . . . Iâd be pretty upsetâ
âBut thatâs beside the point!â
I would change the comma after âa lust for painâ into a semicolon ; for clarity since itâs coming right after a list with commas.
Comma before âwhichâ
âTheyâre too deluded to accept facts, let alone hear them.â
âMy parents fell for the lies and trust me.â This sentence is confusing because it sounds like the parents trust AJ. Perhaps âMy parents fell for the lies. Believe me, Iâve tried to change them.â
Comma after âOnce a shillâ
Spelling âSurely, you know this.â
âthe ârents get back, lest I go even crazier.â
Comma after âget youâ
Comma after âweirdnessâ
Comma after âthanksâ
Comma after âWhat do you wantâ
âyou were just talking toâ â It looks like thereâs a misplaced apostrophe there.
âThat was Cameron Pierce, a former flat earther.â
Comma after âA few weeks backâ
âToday we met up and discussed, and I managed to change his mind.â
Comma after âWhat is itâ
Comma after âTurns outâ
âShe chose her path a while ago.â
âAnd she wants me to join herâ
Spelling âI overheard your conversation with Lucy.â
Comma after âWe talked about thisâ
Comma after âBy the wayâ
âdecipherâ â I donât think thatâs the best word here.
Comma after âtrying to get betterâ
Comma after âOhâ
Comma after âmy imaginationâ instead of a period
Comma after âThatâs sadâ
Comma after âWellâ
Comma after âdark thoughtsâ - Shouldnât it be Donnie changing AJ, rather than AJ changing Donnie?
Comma âA friend, you say?â
Change the period to a comma. âIf you wanna thank me, could I spendâ
âMoronsâ â no apostrophe
âDeep within the burrowsâ
Comma after âexperimentâ
You are alternating between pronouns it and he for Jerry. Pick one and stick with it.
âwhat you were programmedâ â misplaced apostrophe
Comma after âIâm hungryâ
Comma âMy god, youâre stupid!â
âThere are many more issuesâ
âQuite the âissue,â ainât it?â