As it pertains to a portfolio/sketchbook for a nice animation program (Calarts Preferably). I constantly watch accepted and rejected sketchbooks and portfolios, read the comment sections, and I have a good grasp of what the school wants to see. But It'd be a bold face lie to say that this makes me motivated to draw in my own sketchbook. I see people say that Calarts does not want that pretty, rendered work on every page. They want to see my understanding of anatomy and perspective and all of those lovely studies. They want to see my authentic self. But what's authentic about checking off a box? I love telling stories, and I DO want to improve. I want to take art and animation seriously deep down inside, but on some days I contemplate not going to college at all. I resort back to the same ol' artstyle with questionable proportions. I hate stifling myself. At this point, going to my dream school isn't about even about connections or working for a big studio. I just want to say, even if I get rejected by all of the schools I apply to, that I atleast tried . But with these constant shifts in attitude over Art School, the expenses, the thought of moving to another state, not being able to take life drawing classes, having to practice the fundamentals so late in life, these gorgeous sketchbooks, and the thought of not even liking art anymore, I've hit a roadblock. I always make excuses. I'm motivated to start my observational drawings today, but I know that tomorrow I'll lose that same motivation. I'll go back to drawing my disproportionate, stiff characters and staying in my comfort zone. I'll tell myself that I'll just major in something other than art. That art schools aren't even worth it. My style is inspired by anime, but I've experimented with multiple styles in the past. My limitations show. With us being stuck in our homes, I turned that into an excuse as well. "If I can't go out, how can I draw from life?" It's always been this endless cycle. I want to go to my dream school, Calarts, or any other great animation program. I want to impress them with my drawings. But I don't feel as if I deserve to go. I lack motivation. I don't have any other passion other than art. I want a nice job(preferably in video games). I want to draw nice animations. Sorry for the long rant. I just had another spontaneous wave of motivation. I looked back at my most recent drawings and cringe-- the same, stiff characters. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
