Finally continuing this 'series' after--
* checks notes *
...Almost a year. ^^;
But like I said before, it's hard to explain and write about humor, and it's probably better if I take as much time as possible to think about what I want to say.
This topic in particular is a long time coming...partly because, due to the events of the past few years, people are probably more familiar with dark humor than ever before. ^^;
And partly because I personally have had a hard time on this forum in the past trying to talk about dark humor, or even just dark subject matter, without either being censored or having other people demand that I censor myself. =/ There were some not-fun times; some of you might be old enough to remember them...
And honestly, it's not even the broader subject matter that they seemed to have a problem with: loads of topics about violence and abuse and suffering of all kinds live on this forum untouched and undisputed. It's usually when I decide to dive into the victim's perspective, to talk about the real feelings people have in dark situations and the real ways that they deal with them, that I am told 'this is not the place for that'.
However, I think that's probably not gonna happen to this topic (knock on wood). ^^; And for the record, I don't plan to get into any particularly triggering subject matter...with the probable exception of suicide, since suicide jokes are so common they kinda have to be addressed. And of course, I can't vouch for the replies...but beyond that, there shouldn't be a lot to worry about. So let's just dive in.
WHY
I'm trying out a new format, using the 3 W's~. Hopefully this will make these topics a little more structured and simplified, especially if I decide to keep writing them.
Anyway, we're gonna start with WHY Dark Humor is used. There are a lot of reasons, and the one I'm going to focus on is the one I know the most about: creating levity in the midst of distress.
Those of who use dark humor often do so to give ourselves something to laugh at when things are otherwise going badly. It can be a coping mechanism, it can be a form of denial, it can just be a distraction. It can be all three. ^^;
The point is to juxtapose: to enter a serious situation with an un-serious point of view, and use that as a source of comic relief...literally. It's not a coincidence that dark humor is most popular among people like soldiers in war and emergency responders, people who are surrounded constantly by suffering and death. They need something else; they need a way to exist in those surroundings that doesn't amount to being miserable all the time, or completely emotionally detached.
And even in less-serious situations, it can help...it can at least make you seem like less of a wet blanket, for lack of a better word. ^^; Depression and sadness are less socially-acceptable than happiness, so turning depression and sadness into jokes, even thinly veiled dark jokes, can help people to meet those societal expectations.
And oddly enough, it's usually the enforcers of that societal expectation to be 'happy at all times' that are the most opposed to dark humor on principle. Like, they don't want people to make jokes out of serious subjects, even if they're talking about their own experiences...but the only other option they provide is to simply shut up and go away until they can present happiness again. =/ Basically, if it were more acceptable for people to simply talk about their negative feelings, dark humor might not be needed or used as much as it is.
WHO
"If the person on the gallows makes a grim joke, that's gallows humor. If someone in the crowd makes a joke, that's part of the execution." --An evergreen Twitter post...at least that's where I got it from
This is is just a very concise explanation of why certain forms of dark humor can get on people's nerves, or kinda miss the mark when it comes to alleviating tension. Basically, no one wants to hear edgy jokes from people who are only marginally affected (or not affected at all) by a real problem.
It's all considered dark humor: like, if someone is standing on a building planning to jump to their death, and someone in the crowd says 'do a flip' (<-- feel free to tell me the origin of this joke, 'cause I've been wondering about it)...that's still dark humor. ^^; Real dark...
But there's a difference between writing that as a thing a character says in fiction, and feeling like that's appropriate to say to a real person in real life. The former can be frowned upon, but I think people will let it slide as long as the point is that it's an absurd thing to say and that the character saying it is reprehensible.
Now, the latter...I think it should go without saying, but if someone is attempting to kill themselves, it is really, REALLY not your place to make jokes about it. Even if they do it to themselves.
TL;DR: the people who dark humor is generally most expected and appreciated from are those in the line of fire, so to speak, like the examples in the section above. People who actually need comic relief from the situations they are actually living through, not the onlookers.
And I think if you do try to make a joke about a real-life situation, and the people involved tell you that it's insensitive and ask you to stop, you should defer to them.
WHAT
Any negative event can be the subject of dark humor. Yes, I do mean any negative event.
Whether the humor in question should be heard or told and who should tell it and how it should be said is definitely up for debate...and feel free to discuss that if you want. ^^ But people WILL use anything.
However, I'd like to focus on what people commonly make dark jokes about. Here's some of the stuff I've seen:
-SUICIDE
Specifically, wanting to kill themselves, or considering it. Now 90% of the time people are just using it as hyperbole over minor frustrations...like, they might make such a joke after getting their jacket caught on a door handle, and deciding that that's the last straw in their miserable life. ^^;
It can be a little unsettling to hear when you're not used to it...like when you're not chronically online. 6u6; Those of us who are know better than to say stuff like that to the general public and set off alarm bells, when we really just mean it in fun.
I think it's become more common and popular due to people's dissatisfaction with the available life outcomes in the modern world...they look at climate change and wealth inequality and student debt and end-stage capitalism and feel like there's just no way out except to literally die, and even if they don't really want to, they acknowledge and toy with the idea in humorous contexts.
-HIGH-PROFILE DEATHS
...Just in general, death is a big wellspring of dark humor; it's almost worth its own topic. =P
Anyway, if you've seen any of the plethora of recent jokes about the Queen (UK) being dead (but the government pretending she's still alive), you know what I'm talking about. ^^ People love to mock public figures that they don't like, especially when death creeps into the picture.
Why, though? I think it's about a power imbalance...people look at the rich and powerful in governments and big industries, and what they see are people who are untouchable. They can do whatever they want with our lives (or, y'know, outright ignore us) and suffer no consequences...but the one thing they have no choice but to suffer is death. It's coming for them, like it comes for everyone, and it WILL humble them...in short, it feels like karma. ^^ And we indulge in it through mean-spirited jokes~
-DEPRESSION/ANXIETY
And what they refuse to allow us to do. Like many of the subjects of dark humor, clinical depression and anxiety are things we are often helpless against. They enter our lives, and all we can do is contend with them; we can't stop them or make them disappear. We just gotta deal with them...through humor~
And I think, on top of making us feel better, it helps to make these experiences relatable to others. Sometimes people are more willing to listen to your struggles and acknowledge them when they become the subjects of trendy jokes; when they have lots of funny, exaggerated examples in their heads of how they actually affect people.
Of course, this can backfire when the listeners decide they can be trendy too by pretending to suffer the same way, or when they decide that depression and anxiety are ONLY trendy jokes, and don't actually exist IRL...but I don't know, do these effects cancel out? Is it a net benefit or a net detriment for the mentally ill?? Feel free to speak on this.
+++
Hm, I think I'm a little talked out (thank you for reading, by the way^^). So now, it's time to hear what you think: how do you define dark humor, and how do you use it in your own life? How do you use it in your writing? What are your favorite and/or least favorite examples of dark humor?
*And here's one more thing: some examples of dark humor from Wikipedia. Some are a little gruesome, but they're pretty funny; I especially like the one at the end about cat skeletons in trees...I hope the person who said that didn't actually get in trouble, 'cause honestly I think it was a very cute joke. ^^ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_comedy#Examples