Perfectionism and Anxiety

[Luminosophy]

I've been seeing a psych lately, I brought up this topic with him and thought a lot about it since. I originally started my first comic in 2014. I was working at the time but I still managed to get out a coloured page in a week and post it. These were a couple of the pages, which I since took down because they looked so horrible. The panels and anatomy to me, were completely atrocious so after page 7 I felt like I just couldn't do this, period. The writer admits he just kinda blotted the story out, so I was wasting time painting something that could have been far more polished.

This comic I eventually re-started again (with him re-writing it), but I had to stop after going into an intensive crash course for a trade. (Seriously no free time, so many completely new subjects were dropped on you and it was a race to remember things to pass.) I chose black and white instead, thinking that colour would be too labour intensive for me.

Even though I had stopped for study, it coincided with stopping from anxiety again. I got to page 6 and kept drawing literal blanks. I know what the next scene is. I know what it looks like in my mind. But for whatever reason it's like I just couldnt draw it at all. I have no idea why that keeps happening. And then during my course, I saw the artist of the Blade Under Mask and how she had been working on her comics in full colour, just as I had imagined doing mine. I realized that I had been trying to make myself fail almost. Like anything that got close to actually doing what I wanted, I had to stop and figure out a new approach that took me backwards, or just away from the goal.

I started looking a lot at other people's comics and movies and just anything really. I think I started to realize that if you're drawing something like 1000 panels some of them will be shit by necessity. Some of them will also be incredibly amazing. Others will be mediocre. Just like regular illustrations, you can't be this epitome of perfection all the time. Some will fall flat and others will be received extremely well. And in hindsight I realized I really missed the interaction I got from my first comic. Even though it only got to 7 pages, I was making it on time and I was making it coloured, even if it's too amateurish for what I really wanted.

People really responded well. I got some good feedback on my newer one in B+W, but I feel like me doing my best is painting it. Because it's hard, but it was also really rewarding. I guess it's not that you are doing your best, but the feeling of trying your best was the reward. Sorry for this stream of consciousness, but I felt like writing this all out kinda helped me answer my own problem. I think I will have to accept that sometimes, panels will just be bad. And there's no real way around it. The major boon that counterbalances it, is the sheer amount of improvement you can get just from making a comic. Trying these pages even if I stopped, really shot up my skill fast compared to regular illustrations.

[DiegoPalacios]

Hi spudfuzz!. I think your art is epic. Congratulations for achieving this level of skill. With this art and a good story you could conquer the world.

If your concern is to be able to have a consistent update schesdule and/ or have problems with time i would recommend you to train your speed, because you already have an amazing quality. If you need a hiatus to practice this skill, tell your readers.

Here are some tips for speed drawing. (must resist urge to give these a dramatic name like "quick draw" or "speedster style")

1-If you draw digitally, learn all the shortcuts to the tools needed. All of them. If you draw traditionally and painting color, paint everything that use certain color, then paint everything that uses other color, etc.. You will save the time spent changing colors.

2-Get a chronometer and practice drawing random stuff: Give yourself a limited time, like 5 minutes, or less if you are in the mood to be challenged. See how far you can go in the time. This will help you to see which are the details that makes a bigger difference. Make sure you draw different things everytime you do this exercise. You want to be able to draw anything you do faster. (playing pictionary with friends can be a fun way to train)

3-Get rid of distractions while drawing: You want to put most, if not all your focus while drawing. If music helps you, i recommend to put music that match the mood of the thing you are drawing.

4-Make it a habit: If your goal is to draw one update a week, you should develop the habit. (while practicing you can also build a buffer)

5-Do stretching exercises before and after drawing. Your health comes first.

Hope this helps!

[Merle]

Hi Spudfuzz,
I found your comic a while ago and then started following you on Instagramm. I totally love seing one of your drawings pop up in my timeline from time to time, and I digg your clean, anime- like but western influenced style. The lines, the colours, the shadows -
It´s perfect - and sometimes even a bit to perfect. I felt, and I have to state this is only from the content I am able to observe, you are missing out on something, if you try to make every drawing perfect.
So I am happy so see what you wrote, how there is going to be bad panels, medicore panels - and that that´s ok. Because it is. The reader will ususally spent 2 sec max. looking at a Panel (unless they are specifially indulging in a scenne). They will not care about little things you notice at mistakes.
I´d actually would love to see more from you, like qucik sketches, loose colouring - so yeah, what I am trying to say is that I totally noticed your try on perfectionismn, and that I am excited to see you might be challenging old ideas and speeding things up/ discovering new things. You go, mate!

[Luminosophy]

1-If you draw digitally, learn all the shortcuts to the tools needed. All of them. If you draw traditionally and painting color, paint everything that use certain color, then paint everything that uses other color, etc.. You will save the time spent changing colors.

2-Get a chronometer and practice drawing random stuff: Give yourself a limited time, like 5 minutes, or less if you are in the mood to be challenged. See how far you can go in the time. This will help you to see which are the details that makes a bigger difference. Make sure you draw different things everytime you do this exercise. You want to be able to draw anything you do faster. (playing pictionary with friends can be a fun way to train)

Thank you, you actually touched on the thing I struggle with most - being time conscious. It's weird because back then I was able to get one page per week, which for starting out, I felt was pretty good. These days idk, I noticed I dawdle over things because I just get this anxiety like "oh my god it looks horrible" so I go and spend forever polishing one part of the image and neglecting the rest. The other thing that really drags me down is I work in SAI and it has no shape tools. Straight lines are easy enough, but having no circle tool is a massive pain in the ass. I have Clip studio I can port it over to but the way that program makes you draw up the circles feels really clunky, and they come out kind of pixelated. Wish I had a way of drawing clean circles I don't need to trace over. : (

I noticed the thing that makes me least distracted is watching other artists livestream, lmao. "Oh no they're working, I gotta be working too otherwise I'm wasting time while they're being productive." I was going to try do those gesture poses while timed, I don't think I ever really sat down and did proper challenges like that. That was pretty much my plan though, put everything on hiatus (might be going through another course anyway) and work on a buffer while also working on speed. Number 5 is super important too, I always try to take walks because goddamn, sitting can hurt for too long lmao.

[Luminosophy]

Hi Spudfuzz, I found your comic a while ago and then started following you on Instagramm. I totally love seing one of your drawings pop up in my timeline from time to time, and I digg your clean, anime- like but western influenced style. The lines, the colours, the shadows -It´s perfect - and sometimes even a bit to perfect. I felt, and I have to state this is only from the content I am able to observe, you are missing out on something, if you try to make every drawing perfect.So I am happy so see what you wrote, how there is going to be bad panels, medicore panels - and that that´s ok. Because it is. The reader will ususally spent 2 sec max. looking at a Panel (unless they are specifially indulging in a scenne). They will not care about little things you notice at mistakes.I´d actually would love to see more from you, like qucik sketches, loose colouring - so yeah, what I am trying to say is that I totally noticed your try on perfectionismn, and that I am excited to see you might be challenging old ideas and speeding things up/ discovering new things. You go, mate!

Oh my god thank you, haha. I was really self conscious about a lot of things.

"The reader will ususally spent 2 sec max. looking at a Panel"

This is so true and I'm really trying to remember that. I think my issue is that I really, really, really like detail. It's really hard not to want to put more into everything. But I have to learn to let go of it and maybe just spend that effort on a few select panels and let the rest carry the story. I was getting conflicting advice, I keep deleting sketches on Instagram because I was told you should only upload your best work (like a portfolio). Another source also said it's good to show all your progress shots. I mean I already use Deviantart and Artstation as portfolios, including my own website. So idk, maybe showing more sketches/ progresses is a good thing. xD;

[Draconic]

Might not suitable for anyone who still having fun with their drawing, due to they might misunderstand the point. This is a life advice in advanced level, for anyone who want to join the golden road of professional artist.

I know what the next scene is. I know what it looks like in my mind. But for whatever reason it's like I just couldnt draw it at all. I have no idea why that keeps happening.

"Survival instinct bias", that's what make you miserable. It's not your fault at all!
Your survival instinct will always try to find instant short term reward, and have no interest in long term reward.
You're not fighting with yourself, you're fighting with "ancient human instinct".

You have a strong survival instinct, if you lost in a forest, you might have a higher chance of survival than others. The problem is, you have no (and will never) need that kind of instinct in modern age. That's how your survival instinct fail you.

"How to fight it then?" you ask.
It's simple but isn't easy: Burn yourself out with hard work and stop comparing with others.

Burn yourself out with hard work will put you in the worst situation ever, but worth it! That's how you fight your instinct that always trying to help you safe and help your stomach full. The fact that creating comic couldn't help you make a living, is make it worst. You have to teach your instinct to understand that "hardwork" isn't danger. And after every hard work is the happy reward, just buy yourself a giant cake if you like.

Mistake and imperfection help your artworks look more natural and organic. You rarely see any mistake in other people artworks because you aren't trying to find one. You look at the whole picture and asume that "this have no mistake". But the truth is, every artwork have a ton of mistake, and that how it make your art feel great and natural. Would you look at a bow of cereal and think, "hey, this grain isn't in a perfect shape! this bow of cereal suck!", wouldn't you? You will never be perfect but always be "good enough for now", that help you have the goal for your life. Thank to your "good enough for now", you know how to improve and create something better each time. It's help your life more varied and abundant, plentiful. A flower isn't trying to be perfectly beauty, a flower is only trying to be a flower, nothing else. Nothing is perfect, and that's what make everything beautiful.

Sacrifice yourself for your ultimate goal. You don't need entertainment, you don't need good food, you don't need friend! You put your life holding your pen and drawing from day to night. You don't need to care about the world! You don't need to have fun! You sacrifice everything into one goal only, being a professinal artist. If you want to having fun and make a living, you can be a hobby artist. But if you want to be a professional, then I'm sorry, being a professional isn't fun at all.

My goal is to become a professional artist too, and based on your post I might understand how you feel.
I hope this can help you find out more about yourself.

[DiegoPalacios]

Sacrifice yourself for your ultimate goal. You don't need entertainment, you don't need good food, you don't need friend! You put your life holding your pen and drawing from day to night. You don't need to care about the world! You don't need to have fun! You sacrifice everything into one goal only, being a professinal artist. If you want to having fun and make a living, you can be a hobby artist. But if you want to be a professional, then I'm sorry, being a professional isn't fun at all.

While i agree discipline is important for whatever you do in life, is important to balance your other life aspects too. You need to rest and to clear your mind to recover and stay productive. Healthy eating is also important because is harder to work while you are malnourished, starving or sick. Friends/family, people of trust are also vital, they can be the support that give you strenght when everything seems pointless or frustrating. There may be sacrifices, like not going to a party or compromises with investors/supporters, but is important to know Which sacrifices are worth it.

[Draconic]

"I need to do something, I will do this later" or "I shouldn't put myself too hard"... is the reason why you keep finding your self excuses and keep doing nothing. Professionalism isn't fun.

Life isn't supposed to be balance. Life will always off to one side to another time after time.
Nothing is worth it. What it worth is what you want it to be. Make your life stable, not balance.
Your life may off to one side, but it will be stable and easy to handle. You will know what to do after that.
The lastest thing need is Life swing you around and puke your guts out.

P/s: You're right at some points, but that's why I put a disclamer to the top of my reply. I only gave what I think OP needed to read, not for everyone.

P/ss: yeah, I know my advices isn't fun to read, but I was only here because OP has anxiety. Sugar coating my advices won't work in this case.

[DiegoPalacios]

"I need to do something, I will do this later" or "I shouldn't put myself too hard"... is the reason why you keep finding your self excuses and keep doing nothing. Professionalism isn't fun.

I never denied the importance of discipline. My point was more about optimal sacrificing. For example:

-Not watching tv this afternoon to finish a page=worth it.

-Missing the first words of your child to finish a page= not worth it

That is what it means to have a balance.To succeed is important to work hard, but also to work smart.

And is important to take into account the biological and emotional needs too.

Is not neccesary to go on an extreme or another (like being lazy and postponing everything or isolating yourself and ignoring every other life aspect). It takes some time managing skills. Another important tool for success.

[Draconic]

"Optimization" is the core problem of "Perfectionism".

This topic isn't for you but for OP, I hope you understand.
I like your input, but I'm done here due to your misunderstanding. Thank you btw.

[Jenny-Toons]

@DiegoPalacios covered what I was gonna say, but I do have another suggestion.

There is definitely no shame in asking for help.

This goes with having another pair of eyes to see what you're not seeing, having someone beta read your comic, or just having someone there to provide some support.

It happens to the best of us, me included, when we think we have to go at everything alone and strive for perfectionism as a single path. However, having one or more people there to help support you can definitely make things so much more easier.

Do you have any people you can show you work to so that they can provide feedback? To go a step further, you can also sit down with them and discuss your thinking process and where you feel stuck.

This could help your comic and allow you to breathe a bit better because you've got people backing you up.

We're all on the road to some type of perfection in our eyes -- but we shouldn't have to go at it alone or burn ourselves out doing it. After all, a lot of the best had understudies, had assistants, and had people there who gave them support.

Our skills and effort alone can do so much. But having people there backing us up definitely pushes us forward.

[DiegoPalacios]

We are both here to help OP, so not problem.

There is a subtle difference between perfecctionism and optimization.

-Perfectionism focuses on every little detail.

-Optimization focuses on the details that actually matter.

I agree with some of your points like overcoming the basic instincts that search for instant gratification and how mistakes can make art look more natural and organic. Just thought it was important to add that imput about sacrifices, because while some sacrifices help achieving the goal to go pro, others can be detrimental and just make things worse in art and personal life.

[Wumbl]

Honestly, I suffer with this too.

On my more populated panels that have full background I tend to get fixated. I go so far as to design all the individual advertisements, and I pick out minor characters to populate the background (only about half of my background characters are throw-away designs, as there are several stories running in the same universe)

I get obsessed... Working on my current chapter I ended up taking forever to finish the first page just because I wanted the two establishing shots to look the best I could. It wound up taking twice as long as I wanted just because of perfectionism...

The only way I'm able to get things done is to simplify some of my panels (keeping a balance of detailed and concise ones) and I find it hard because I always want to put more details in...

I think setting myself more specific page-by-page deadlines encourages me to work more efficiently, but as I'm a bit of a work-a-holic I do slip a little bit here and there... time management is hard. Setting stop clocks and alarms helps sometimes, too! I also like to record how many hours I spend on each page, if I feel that it's getting a bit erratic. That way I can work out what exactly is slowing me down and work on focus areas.

[sarrowsmith10]

I think I will have to accept that sometimes, panels will just be bad. And there's no real way around it. The major boon that counterbalances it, is the sheer amount of improvement you can get just from making a comic. Trying these pages even if I stopped, really shot up my skill fast compared to regular illustrations.

Honestly, if painting panels in full color makes you happy, then do what makes you happy. No where in your post did you really make any assertions that you are trying to "go pro" or work for a big comic company, etc. If the comic is made for your own enjoyment, practice and growth, then I'd say forget about trying to keep a schedule unless it helps and motivates you. If you have a specific company or group you'd like to work for, see what type of work they want and cater your artistic behavior based on that. If you are trying to earn freelance work, have a portfolio for that, and be upfront about how long pages take for a certain quality. Everything else you do is really about your own enjoyment and growth and it doesn't matter what other people think.

In my comic Goblins of Razard, I also work with a writer, and we have had periods of time where we keep a tight consistent schedule, and sometimes we just don't. There were chapters where I just struggled and struggled and slugged through it. She needed to take some time here and there too to re-evaluate her writing. Then there are chapters where I just put a lot of love into the pages and really took my time. Made those pages really polished and perfect. Those chapters definitely were not uploaded weekly. I will not be shamed into thinking I needed to upload every week to be successful. That's bogus and shows a lot of entitlement from readers who are getting hundreds of hours of my time and emotion for free online. I control my life and I will upload pages at my pleasure.

Just something to think about. I also have done both B+W and full color comics, and honestly they take about the same amount of time for me haha.. so its a personal decision based on what you think you'd like to work on.

[Shanny8]

A lot of creators mention the concept of "being finished OR being perfect"- perfection will drive you insane, and in the long run you wont get much of anything done. You have to adapt a mindset where you do the best you can on a page and let it go- move on to the next page...especially if you want to do a consistent webcomic.

[TheThoughtfulBoxful]

Since there's been talk about time-management, I thought I'd share this lovely resource for anyone who could benefit from it:

It's a comic production spreadsheet! This video explains in-depth, but basically you plug in the numbers for each phase of your comic's production (thumbnails, inks, lettering, etc.), and the date in which you'd like to complete it (your deadline). The spreadsheet calculates how much work (steps) you'll need to do each day to reach that goal. Whenever you update your progress, the daily step count lessens.

It's a great way to track your daily progress and personally it's helped me a lot to curb that feeling of "I don't do enough each day" because you can actually SEE how close you are to reaching your goal.

Download the spreadsheet here: http://www.michaeleregina.com/blog/managing-the-crunch/

[Luminosophy]

It happens to the best of us, me included, when we think we have to go at everything alone and strive for perfectionism as a single path. However, having one or more people there to help support you can definitely make things so much more easier.

Do you have any people you can show you work to so that they can provide feedback? To go a step further, you can also sit down with them and discuss your thinking process and where you feel stuck.

I think this has been a huge problem. I have a long standing group of friends from 4 years ago where we met on an art help blog, though they're all illustrators. Two of them are thinking of getting into comics with one actively working on it, but we're all still really new with only me as having the most experience. So there is and isn't support we can offer each other. They're great with helping for regular illustrative critiques but sometimes some of those technical aspects can be/ should be thrown out when it comes to story telling with images if it makes any sense. I think there's definitely different mindsets for these two worlds.

It's mainly why I'm on Tapastic, to pick brains of people who have done this for far longer. I previously joined a critique group on reddit too when I was working in B/W. Although I had a majorly negative experience with one member who accused me of tracing backgrounds because they were very detailed while my figures were very stiff (lack of gesture practice). Even though I linked to videos where I showed drawing from a blank canvas, I was still downvoted like no one believed me. That took a major hit on my mood for a while where I actually started wondering if I had been tracing. (A form of imposter syndrome, I guess?) I felt like if people are looking at my work and just thinking it's traced, I didn't really want to draw anymore.

With these two aspects combined, I felt like I don't really have anyone to ask for help with feedback for my comic. I guess my other problem is I don't always trust asking for help with writing on the internet either. It may sound harsh but in my experiences, it seems as if people have a harder time being self critical with their writing ability than their artwork. In art, you can look at something and tell that it just somehow looks wrong. With writing.... not so much. You have to learn how to really become analytical , as well as become familiar with how people think and behave in real life in order to tell if a piece is bad or good. A lot of critiques I got in the past made no real sense. One such example being "Oh your character should be looking wistful and sad as he walks away from the house, because they do that all the time in anime." My character was just leaving home to go pick berries....

I don't mean to come off as overly negative. I guess Ideally I'd like to somehow be able to connect with people who are fairly skilled in order to glean some good feedback but it's not quite that simple to do.

[Luminosophy]

This really looks like an amazing tool, thanks for linking it. I'd have to just get familiar with time it takes to do things in the first place lol.

[sarrowsmith10]

It's mainly why I'm on Tapastic, to pick brains of people who have done this for far longer. I previously joined a critique group on reddit too when I was working in B/W. Although I had a majorly negative experience with one member who accused me of tracing backgrounds because they were very detailed while my figures were very stiff (lack of gesture practice). Even though I linked to videos where I showed drawing from a blank canvas, I was still downvoted like no one believed me. That took a major hit on my mood for a while where I actually started wondering if I had been tracing. (A form of imposter syndrome, I guess?) I felt like if people are looking at my work and just thinking it's traced, I didn't really want to draw anymore.

These types of people make me freaking crazy. First, even if you were using a reference, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH IT. Like references are just another tool in your tool box. I suppose direct tracing might be a gray area, but plenty of people do it, when they take the photographs themselves, or build their own 3D models and draw over them. Again, just another tool in the tool box. I'm so sorry you went through that!!

[Luminosophy]

For the particular image they were talking about I didn't even use a reference.

...And it shows I mean because the house on the right (top image) looks like a cardboard cut out with the amount (or lack thereof) of depth from the side. What kind of an architect builds a house like that, lol. I pride myself on drawing/ designing architecture from scratch because it's honestly more fun than drawing people sometimes. This guy had been going around giving very bad advice to other people. I went through his history and he was very amateur, looks like he just started doing life drawing classes. He told a beginner artist who was going for an obvious retro cartoon style that he "needs to draw more artistic things" and these "basic shapes are childish". But, because he put on this air of authority people hung off of every word he said.