Please help fellow writers ;-;

[somethingsomething]

I've started recently on the site and have gotten a few reads on the first episode of my novel, but not many of them have translated to reads on the rest of the episodes I have up. Am I doing something wrong? Is my first episode so bad that people read it and immediately decide it's not worth the ride? Someone please take a look and help a friend out on how I could improve.

Read Along the Strings of Fate | Tapas Web Novels

[U.F.O]

Hi, I’ll take a look when I get some free time. But hang in there!

[redfish]

There is nothing inherently wrong with the writing. It's not really my style so I think I got bored after a couple of chapters (I had a terrible attention span). I can give you small points my end why I didn't enjoy it but I'm not an experienced writer myself so not sure how valid my points are.

I can see you've had 60 views and 1 subscriber. I'll be honest, I think that's a standard enough ratio of views to subs. You can have 100 views and only a couple sub. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with your work. It can take a while for it to receive the right audience.

This is ESPECIALLY for novels as you need to truly captivate them without any art. Any new work is in for a rough ride. It sucks but it can take a long while before you see any big fans.

I clicked on random popular novels:
The Beginning After the End - 18.1 million views and 149.6k subs
Legend of the Arch Magus - 1.4million views and 16.2k subs
Kingdom of Sun - 80.k views and 2.3k subs

You can see their view count is waaaay higher than their subs. A lot of people may just peak at a chapter or two and leave, even for popular novels.

[KeinanX]

I'll check out your series, we could review swap since I started out that way at first as well, not to say that I'm in the clear with getting a lot of views and subscribers, I'm just working my way to obtain more. Still I'll help you out being a fellow author trying to get more readership.

[KeinanX]

I'll check out your series, we could review swap since I started out that way at first as well, not to say that I'm in the clear with getting a lot of views and subscribers, I'm just working my way to obtain more. Still I'll help you out being a author as well trying to get more readership.

[somethingsomething]

Sure, can you drop a link to your series somewhere?

[somethingsomething]

Even if you aren't uber-experienced, I'd still love to know what those points are.

[redfish]

Aight. This is all from a Basic writer and casual reader - I think the short of it is that it's overly flowery and overexplains what's happening.

The entire bath to bed sequence with the boy Amish seemed... unnecessary?
She massages the shampoo while he is playing with a toy, she then gets out of the bath, goes to rinse, wraps his hair in a towel, secures it to his waist...
She puts a nightgown, finds a book, Amish is bouncing in bed, he stops, she tucks him in, opens the book...

As all the actions are very mundane, it really isn't that interesting to me. I get it's to establish that Amayah had a perfectly sweet relationship with Amish when he was a boy (before things went wILD as seen in the beginning few paragraphs). Maybe it's to also establish their lives were very normal and relatable back then. But It was already losing me. I will blame this partly on myself, my attention span is short and I was just a little bored.

The only thing that caught my attention was a fountain of gazelles. I kinda wish I had a better image of what their bathroom looked like aha. It sounds majestic. I wonder if gazelles have any meaning in their culture.

Small things I feel could be changed to get to the point quicker E.g. 'Subtle, amused smile' sounds redundant - a 'subtle smile' explains enough she's mildly amused.
Also in this paragraph - is there any purpose to show her eyebrows are arched curiously? Amish isn't really doing anything

So yeah... it was honestly a little too mundane for my tastes for what should be the beginning of an epic fantasy.

[redfish]

My only idea in this scenario, maybe spruce up the bathtime to seem more interesting than the casual bath. Maybe they use special soaps or powders or oils, is the toy Amish playing with something unique? (If I was drawing the scene, I would've love to add flowers in the bath for extra pretty effect)

If you want some Action in between all the dialogue, it'd be nice if the routine be something we can be interested in. It's a chance to learn about a new culture after all

-- Just a random idea, I've no idea is this is would work for everyone else, but just what I might personally do

[KeinanX]

Here you go https://m.tapas.io/series/Agents-of-Salvation/info

[somethingsomething]

I find you think that it's mundane interesting. Literally in the next two episodes, a band of genetically engineered draconic serpents try to assassinate Amish in his sleep. And they're stopped by a four-armed, four-eyed, magical burning woman.

But I definitely see where you're coming from and I agree. The reader doesn't know the mundanity is flipped on its head right around the corner, while I as the writer do. That's certainly something to keep in mind. I think I could take a note from horror works and use the characters' perspective to hint something is amiss so the scene is less mundane and more "calm before the storm." (i.e: a shadowy figure walking across the camera's line of sight while the character's back is turned while they're doing something mundane.) A scene of a woman just doing her groceries would certainly be boring. But a scene of a woman doing her groceries while a blurred figure follows her around the store has the viewer on edge and uneasy.

Thank you.

[redfish]

I did try and push on the next chapter. It still had the same overly wordy issue that I was struggling with.

Like the sudden lore dump of Dischians in the middle of an action scene. The most important part could still be communicated without slowing the pace
e.g.
"A Drischian?"
"No, this one's too small... thin... Where's his wings?"
The dark red scales glinted in the light. Mucus, she realied.
Amayah drew back.
"That's one of Arnomaand's snakes..."

[somethingsomething]

That's just a matter of style preference. I am generally wordy as it helps my perceptionalization process. But I do understand not everything is for everyone.

I also don't consider that the action sequence due to how quickly the snake was defeated and captured. I only go into detail of Drischians after the snake was already trapped with no way out. The main sequence is in the third episode. As a rule of thumb, I only keep action inside action sequences so the pacing isn't interrupted.

Thank you for your perspective. You've honestly been a big help and made me realize some things I didn't even notice were issues. I appreciate you taking the time to assist me

[U.F.O]

Hi again!

I've read the two first chapters and from what I saw it seems to have been written with care. It didn't completely captivate me, few things do that, but I would definitely read it if I had some free time.

It's difficult to build a following. There are so many stories being told and only a limited amount to consume them!

Just keep on doing what you're doing and enjoy the process. I know that it can feel discouraging sometimes, but your writing isn't bad in any way. Stick to it and you'll improve. Maybe do some promotions and get review partners.

Good luck!

[vapidink]

I checked out the first two chapters, and though they were fairly well written, they didn't hold my attention for a couple of reasons.

First, there was a lot of descriptive writing. A lot of time is spent describing settings in what I personally feel is too much detail. I'm not going to remember the petals in the water and the fountain in the bathhouse, or the specific layout that was mentioned in regards to where it's located. Centering the story on the characters, not so much on their surroundings, would probably help. As it is, there isn't much characterization in the first chapters.

The writing itself is good, but a bit wordy, or just oddly worded. There's also a lot of very long sentences. That, coupled with all the new and fantasy names/titles/etc. had me stumbling now and then. Tapas feels more like a place for quick reads. People open the app during a break and check out a chapter or two, which is why the chapters are meant to be short, so they need to flow smoothly and have something to make people read more. The wordy style also slows the action down to where it's not really suspenseful and I sort of lost what was happening.

The ending for the first chapter fell a bit flat, especially given the way it started. The first part was interesting, but then the suspense you built was ruined by the bath scene that slowed the pace of the story. By the time we get the tease of danger at the end, it feels anticlimactic. This also applies to the chapter as a whole. We're given a glimpse of something intriguing at the start, but we don't really get to see how it got to that point by the end of the chapter, or how it all even ties together, so we forget that was even there and nothing much happens the rest of the chapter.

Ideally, you'd want to have the audience invested enough in that glimpse of something you get at the start of chapter one to go on to read the rest, but the audience doesn't know these characters enough to care yet. I understand why it was structured that way, but it doesn't quite work.

All of this is just my personal opinion as a reader. As a writer, I understand why you wrote it this way, but just keep in mind that a person who knows nothing about the world and characters you created needs a reason to care. That's what makes them go on to the rest of the story. Your writing is good, and I think there's a lot of promise in the story!

[somethingsomething]

Massive edit: Threw everything I said before away because it finally hit me. The scene is too detailed for something that adds near to nothing to the overall narrative of the story. It's a mental journey without any purpose; present for the sake of being present. I'm scrapping the entire episode and rewriting it.

Once again, thank you.

[system]

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