EIGHTH UPDATE! (Replies 56-82)
I know I’m digging my own grave by continually reviving this every few weeks…but I don’t mind too much. ^^ Progress is progress~
That Damned Dog @saffasas
-I usually don’t say this, but…I think the updates are too short! >_<
There’s really not enough in them for them to feel satisfying, even on a daily pace…honestly I think that’d just make it annoying, to have to come back to the comic every day for a week just to read a complete conversation…
=The rough, simplistic art style is surprisingly charming~. There are a few composition issues, but you can definitely see skill in there.
I think you could definitely afford to consolidate those daily two-panel updates into one big weekly update, though…I dunno if you’re still doing dailies, but as for those first five pages, I would have preferred what I’d seen if I’d gotten to read it all in one episode.
Finding an Angel’s Peace @Absol
-It’s a little weird that the first three sentences have the same basic structure: “AAAAA, I did BBBBB”. Just a random thing I noticed…
-The writing is good, but very…over-described…
=This may sound weird, but I think you should consider writing this novel in the third person, rather than the first. All the lengthy descriptions of mundane elements/objects in MC’s life aren’t exactly unwarranted (although a good portion of them could definitely stand to be cut out…), but they don’t fit first-person narration. 1st person is usually used to get into the MC’s head and describe the events as they would see them and think about them…which usually doesn’t involve thorough descriptions of clothes they wear literally every day.
3rd person writing can get away with stuff like that more often, though, because it’s not necessarily meant to sound like an actual person living their life. You have a strong narrative voice; I think you could handle the switch if you wanted to.
Sleepwalkers @dannygorny
-Wow, I’m impressed by the banner and cover art…
-…And not so much with the art in the actual comic. It’s not bad, but it’s definitely not as good...I guess that’s pretty common with Western comics, though.
-The dialogue…oh my god. I felt like I was having a stroke…
It gets much more natural on the next page, but that first little convo on Page 4 was just…well, consider the following:
“We have to be responsible for x”->”Don’t we?” (Did you mean to write ‘do we??’)
“I see the best minds of my generation…etc” (Completely unrelated to her previous statement…and apparently ignoring her friend’s comment)
“Cynic” (how was that cynical???)
“This is the first step” (that’s basically what she just said to you, dude)
“Don’t be so naïve” (HOW WAS THAT NAÏVE)
Like, the words themselves are comprehensible, but the conversation as a whole has no discernible logical progression. O_O And it’s baffling, especially considering the sudden return to normalcy on the very next page.
=Overall, it has a very professional look, which will definitely make a good initial impression on readers. But it seems to fall apart upon closer scrutiny…I ignored the logic of the floating quotes on the first three pages, assuming they were just a random conversation that I didn’t understand yet. But if Page 4 is any indication I have to at least suspect that they might actually be the same kind of nonsense, which calls into question the substance of the rest of the story.
Like…just saying random, loosely-connected philosophical phrases every once in a while does not make characters sound smart, not to anyone with any significant level of reading comprehension. Just FYI…
