FIRST UPDATE! (Replies 1-6)
***So when I said ‘5 pages’, I actually meant like book pages, and not 5 helpings of however big you decide to make your Episodes (I can’t believe I forgot about this issue from last time…). The only instance in which I do that is when faced with a comic that’s actually uploaded in pages, otherwise I usually read anywhere from 0.5 to 1.5 episodes of each story, just FYI.
-I like the style of the narration, but I feel it’s too consistently verbose…basically, it’s clear (and appreciated) that you know how to use the big words, but when you use so many of them so often, it just makes the writing feel cluttered and unnatural. That, plus the two characters having such similar names (Gears and Graves…) was all just a little too much for my poor ADHD brain…
-“in the early throws” -> “in the early throes”
-2nd chapter feels much better already; probably since there’s more action
-O.O …The Glamour Engines…
=So I remember this story from the previous incarnation of this thread! My brain has already begun “healing” since I got out of school, and now I’m thinking that I didn’t appreciate it enough back then…once you get used to how things are worded, you can see the legitimately skillful flow of ideas within the writing, and everything is so intriguing…
Land of Erden
-So much passive voice?? Maybe it’s a translation thing (the fact that it’s so consistent makes it feel like it’s a byproduct of the syntax of a different language…and honestly, I hope it is; I hate to think that some native English speaker taught you to write that way)
…Anyway, it’s a little uncanny at times.
=So the passive voice thing wasn’t as big a deal in the next chapter (should’ve seen that coming) but I gotta admit I couldn’t get all the way through it. I just didn’t feel very invested in the idyllic fantasy life of some kid, and already knowing what was gonna happen during the Harvest Festival didn’t provide much incentive to keep reading…
People You Were Going To
-Love the character expressions~
=Overall, I have no idea what’s happening, but it’s very charming to look at. I could come back to it tomorrow to see pg. 6, if you want. Yeah, maybe I’ll go ahead and do that…
-Salty essence…? O_o….
-OK, but there’s a powerful attitude here that I kinda like…
-AMAZING FIRST CHAPTER. THAT ENDING. SO GOOD!
=You know what, I don’t even need to read anymore; this is a good one. Like, pro material. Unfortunately, it’s not the kind of book I like, but if it was, I would be beyond excited to read something so polished and “fully itself”, if that makes any sense.
Just for the record, I read the first two episodes. But if those are any indication of the quality of the rest of the book, I think you’re past the point of needing “first impression” reviews like mine. What you should be looking for are full reviews that can analyze more than just the writing style: things like plot progression, character development, etc.