Post any comic/novel here and I will give it a shot for ~5 pages (REACT EDITION)

[thedude3445]

That's the most negative comments I've ever received on my story lol. Thanks, it's nice to get varied comments from time to time.

[TedGravesArt]

Those are all super useful comments, thanks! I agree, I wish I could update the comic more often, but since I'm designing the world from scratch there's a significant amount of prep work to do between each issue. Usually once I get started on an issue though it's only 2 days between each page on average. The story does rely heavily on continuity though, so I'll keep all that in mind. Hopefully, when I've got a few more issues released the story will read well when absorbed all at once.
Not a writer by trade, so I'm happy to hear that the dialogue is enjoyable! Hopefully that corny element will evaporate as the story progresses. Thank you for the comments, they're really helpful!

[Carossmo]

Do first impressions for a new season count (like say start in season 2 for example)? Or the very first pages overall for the series?

[DokiDokiTsuna]

Do first impressions for a new season count (like say start in season 2 for example)? Or the very first pages overall for the series?

You can direct me to start anywhere in the series that you want, if that helps.

[redlotusdesignz]

Here's my series: https://tapas.io/series/lotuscowcomics

[Carossmo]

Ah sure ^^

You can start here:
https://m.tapas.io/episode/1888422

[DokiDokiTsuna]

FOURTH UPDATE! (Replies 18-28)

Smoke and Murders @Freemints30
-Very compelling start
-The sentence structure seems to be a bit confused. E.g.: “All I ever knew of it was that it was the output from the Asbjorn corporation and in its production of, power, water, life for all of Ildens, its suburbs and even its distant countryside, all with the small price of the main city being under a constant smog of Ventis.”
^Just a hair’s breadth away from being complete word salad. It’s comprehensible enough to understand with context, but still hardly acceptable.
-Erg, tense switching…
=To be perfectly honest, I think you’re a good writer, fundamentally. The flow of ideas is excellent…but the writing itself is just so distracting with all the errors and general weirdness…if you could work closely with a good editor/proofreader, I think you could polish this rough ore into a gem, so to speak.

The Story of Osram @feuersichel
-Empty is spelled with a p
-The expressions are a little overdone…I can tell what you’re going for, but it works better when you just lean on the face; all the arm gestures are unnecessary and make the comic look overdramatized. Like…these are just little quips, right? ^^;
=I can tell the humor in this is very anime/manga-inspired, very reactionary…unfortunately, that kind of humor relies totally on whatever’s being reacted to, and if it doesn’t strike one as funny/strange then there’s nothing left. Personally, I didn’t find the scientist-guy all that ridiculous (a little pathetic, maybe, but nothing special) so…yeah.
Really the whole “lives with his mother/can’t get a girlfriend, what a loser!” archetype is kind of outdated/overdone…I don’t know if it works at all anymore if you don’t do something creative with it. =/

Individuality @milejdyvan
-I really love that first chapter art…could you possibly tell me who did it?? O.O
-This is just so easy to improve I gotta say it. Consider:
“It was the day for a sixteen-year-old boy called Mathiaz Rider”--> “It was the day for sixteen-year-old Mathiaz Rider”
Just a few little changes and it immediately sounds 500% more natural. I think it could probably be improved more, even…but that’s the obvious edit.
-Yeah, in general the writing is really unnatural…the playful mood of the actual events and the overly-detailed language used to describe them clash really severely, so much so that it comes off as pretentious. The dialogue is good, but there’s not enough of it (yet) to make up for this.
=So basically the main problem is this: you have the wrong narrative voice. You’re writing Subway Surfers as if it’s Lord of the Rings…which could work if you played it ironically, but so far I’m not seeing that.
I think what this story needs most is for a lot of those flowery descriptions to be simplified or cut out altogether, at least to improve the pacing. Plus, you still need an editor: the language might be flowery, but it’s also awkward and incorrect in some places.

Paint Me a Murder @AnimeKitty
-Okay, well, that first sentence…if I’m being honest, it reads like satire. Like the kind of thing someone would write if they were trying to make fun of emo YA novels. “Color their world in shades of emotion”…?
I assume it’s just a metaphorical sort of introductory sentence for the whole novel? If so, I think you should just get rid of it. The next line works just fine as an opener…better, even.
-There’s something wrong with that first part that I just can’t put my finger on…basically, it feels like you’re just explaining a character, rather than actually telling a story.
And on top of that there’s this eerie ‘substance abuse PSA’ vibe throughout…I guess most people would just say you’re being ‘preachy’, but I feel like it goes deeper than that, with the cliché of “the one teacher who understands” (and his name is Lamphere) who then dies because of course he does, and those little statements like “drugs didn’t ruin his life— he did”...like, was this intentional? You have to know how low-key corny it reads…right?
-Gang…office??? Is…is that a thing…?
=Okay, I think I see what’s going on here…overall, the story reads like something that’s 90% research, 10% experience. The details are there, you can tell that a lot of work went into the worldbuilding…but the lens through which the world is described, the mood applied to the scenes; it all screams “I don’t know how it actually feels to live in this environment, so I’ll just give it my best (dramatized) guess”. In a word: artificial.
I highly recommend you try to consume more material written by people who live in urban/inner city areas, even if it’s just journal-type stuff about their own lives. A little less EDGE and a little more authenticity would do wonders for this novel.
And speaking of edge…those poetic bits, man…’a heart amid a cage, where it could not break out of the harsh, cold bars of hate’… ^^;;; I just hope you have a sense of awareness about that. Like, it’s not that it’s not okay to have cornball stuff like that in there, or even to have that be part of the character (some teens really are like that, and it can be cute if you do it right) but you have to make it clear with your writing that you know it’s cornball…otherwise, the only assumption left to make is that you are the cornball, and unless this novel is secretly a comedy, that would not be ideal. =/

[Freemints30]

Thank you very much for the review I really appreciate it and glad you found the start compelling. Yeah I was trying to have every act start in first person to show off whose going to narrate the act most before doing the rest in third person. I was afraid it would come off as too jarring.

I would also try to get an editor/proof reader once I completed the entire thing and get enough money, since right now its just me and Grammarly and language isn't my strong point lol.

[saffasas]

Hey, here’s mine! Pls react if u want!

That Damned Dog | Tapas

[AnimeKitty]

Thanks for the review! You honestly pointed out a lot of great things here. If you thought the cringeworthy poetic writing was bad here, thank your lucky stars you didn't read the first draft. xD I see I've got a lot of rewriting in the future, especially with the narrator's voice and how I want to present Kaz as a realistic character and not a corny unrealistic one. The problem with my worldbuilding is how it comes across as more fantasy instead of modern. I think it has a lot to do with making up the town and gang names. It would probably be more accurate to confine myself to a real place, and situations based upon real things that have happened among gangs. Overall, I agree with ya a hundred percent. Will definitely take note of this in my editing. Thanks again!

[milejdyvan]

Lol! But I agree it's luck on my part that I actually have hired an editor recently. And it's hilarious to me that one of your rephrase is exactly what my editor changed it too! So great review! Can't wait to show the fixes!

[DokiDokiTsuna]

FIFTH UPDATE! (Replies 29-35)

The End of All Things @BlunderingAlbatross
=Overall, it’s good. I think this is the first ‘normal’ novel I’ve gotten from this thread: it’s not blindingly amazing, yet it doesn’t have any glaring flaws; it’s just…solid writing.
I found it kind of difficult to get invested until the end of Prologue Part 2 where [spoiler] dies (which was really well done, btw), but I don’t think that’s your fault…I dunno. Maybe it’s the MC. As “purehearted, innocent mother” characters go, I think she’s alright, but unfortunately that’s just not the kind of character I’m at all interested in.

Life in a fearsome world @AmandaJ-art
-Wut
=It’s a cute-looking comic, but it feels very…pointless. Like, the first episode made me think “oh, this is gonna be one of those super-wholesome comic strips where the characters just demonstrate healthy attitudes towards negative thoughts”.
But then Ep 2 came along, ending with a very weak joke (?)…and then came Ep 3, where the negative thought was presented and the character was just…left with it. Eps 4 and 5 confirmed that the endings were just going to be random.
It felt like watching a stand-up comedian try to do stream-of-consciousness jokes and just bomb…like, there’s nothing wrong with finding your own experiences/reactions interesting and trying to share that with others. But entertainment isn’t the same as real life…it’s supposed to have a point. You have to make an attempt to reach your audience; give them something they can react to despite not being you or having your mental context.
…All ^that is assuming that you are indeed just writing about thoughts you had based on situations you were in IRL. If that’s not the case, and you’re making up each episode out of thin air, then…oh boy. You really need to study…something…
If nothing else, I hope the later episodes improve in this respect.

Essence of Life @julipow
-That banner art is scary. Like not good-scary, but ‘two steps before the uncanny valley’ scary. O_O
-Well…these descriptions certainly are…energetic…
-What is a flock?? I tried looking it up, ‘cause it sounds like one of those words that has a bunch of secret, archaic meanings, but I didn’t find anything that sounds like it belongs in the phrase “the wooden flock piercing his chest”.
Unless his chest is full of wood shavings?? That sounds awful…bizarre, and awful…
-Pro Tip: don’t call people “females” (or “males”) if they’re already-identified, acting characters. It’s a no-no…
-What is that ‘ne ne’ about? Are you mixing Japanese in this dialogue?? NONONONONO STOP DO NOT DO THAT
=Oookay…well, that was a trip. 6_6; Um, so, my biggest criticism would be that this has an overall extremely amateurish vibe. Like, this doesn’t feel like a novel, it doesn’t even feel like a novel adaptation of another medium, it feels someone’s misguided attempt at turning an anime into prose, despite not having read many books in their life.
I'll explain one notable thing: the constant usage of the word “female” was really immersion breaking, and tbh it made me uncomfortable…if you’re not a native English speaker (it feels like you are, though) you should know that it is usually used as an adjective (as in the phrase “female character”), not as a noun. When it IS used as a noun, it’s usually for animals (“I have four puppies; three females and one male”).
Thus, when you use it for people it sounds dehumanizing…and just in general, I don’t think you should be in a position where you keep referring to your main character as ‘the [adj] female’…like, even if you changed every instance of ‘female’ to ‘girl’ you would still have a problem.
Why can’t she just be ‘she’, or ‘her’? When you keep titling her like that instead of just using a more subtle pronoun, you create distance between the reader and the character: again, breaking immersion.
Rant over, I gotta stop…but before I do, on a more positive note: that trailer episode DOES indeed feel like a trailer. I’ve never seen anyone do that before…

Age I- Age of Darkness @TheDoublekey
-Woah, the backgrounds are actually kinda nice…
-WHAT HAPPENED TO THE ART BETWEEN EPS 1 AND 2?? D8
-The story seems kind of interesting; if the art were better I might be into this
=So, I feel like you have good composition, but the drawings themselves need a lotta work. The sketchy outlines on everything make the comic feel fuzzy and uncertain…and of course the perspective and anatomy are kind of a train wreck throughout, if I’m being honest.
I realize now that nothing really “happened” to the art after the prologue, it’s just that the prologue kinda played to your strengths: mostly background, extreme closeups, and effects; all things you do best— and I applaud you for making an excellent first impression that way; very smart~.
P.S. It looks like you’re using assets for some of the background elements? I hope you’ll be careful with sourcing and crediting and whatnot…the lines and dots will probably go unnoticed, but if you ‘acquired’ that Prologue background, rather than creating it as I originally thought, you should definitely give credit where it’s due, at the very least.

***How are you all getting so many comments and views?? I feel like such a hack ragging on all these stories and yet being a relative unknown compared to most of you…not that I don’t believe in the validity of my criticisms; I do. But they FEEL invalid when faced with the statistics… TT_TT

[julipow]

Thank you for your criticism, I appreciate the feedback. Now, to a few things you said (just to clear up some things) I can agree with some of the flaws you mentioned but also feel like you might had a more "opinion-biased" sight to things, which is fine, we all don't need to have the same taste.
To the banner art, my art style is semi realistic, so I apologies if it creeped you out? I think you might be used to more anime/comic like art so I get it. (Even though I am going to take it as a compliment that it's "two steps before the uncanny valley" because that means I am getting a bit better at semi realism).
A flock, is what my mind mixed together from English + my native language. I apologize for this and will fix this mistake as soon as possible. I meant a "stake", I have no idea how I ended up with flock and didn't notice this mistake.
To the whole "female" point, I didn't know it was that much of an issue to be honest. I have been writing on and off for two years now (in English) and while I never published anything here, it never seemed to bother english speakers if I referred to my main character as "female" from time to time to mix up things and give the writing a more neutral tone. I have read a few books using female as nouns, but that might be my mistake to assume it's the right noun to use. Though, I honestly don't think it's as dehumanizing as you think it is because the biological correct term for our gender will always be "male" or "female" (or nonbinary if that's what someone indentifies as.). Nevertheless, I will change it up and not use it as much to avoid too much distancing from the reader.
To the "ne ne" part you seemed to have freaked out about. It doesn't come from Japanese. It's a (not grammatically correct and type of slang) saying in german (my mother tongue) and is like a catch phrase of the character. He uses it to express his distaste about things sometimes. I might change it a bit more to make it not resemble Japanese though.

Either way, I appreciate your criticism and will change and rewrite a few things, but I have to say you should try to word some things in a not so "insulting" way without knowing the person's background you are giving criticism to. Harsh criticism is one thing, being rude or straight up offensive is another, especially when you assume things. Personally, I am not offended, just giving you a little tip because some people might not see it as a critical thing anymore and it would be sad if you gain "enemies" rather than friends because of a "rude" way of wording things. Nevertheless, thank you for taking your time to give me feedback. I appreciate it.

[TheDoublekey]

Thanks for taking your time and reviewing my work! I'm really glad you liked it and I also appreciate your criticism. The illustrations in the first episodes were made by me exactly a year ago (01/15/2020, can't believe it's been a whole year.) and I was still a beginner, however, in the latest chapters I've improved on them. The sketchy outline is no more and I focused on anatomy and perspective a little bit more.

For the trees you see in the Prologue's background I actually used assets from Photoshop itself, which gives you the opportunity to render trees and other stuff, so no outsourcing. The dots were done through Photoshop as well, with the pattern effect,
Hope you'll give it a shot again in the future, once the story reaches its turning point (it's actually very close)!

[BlunderingAlbatross]

Hey, thanks for the feedback I'll happily take a "solid writing"!

The prologue character is fleshed out a bit more later in the book but that doesn't really solve the issue you mentioned. Any thoughts for how I could make her more interesting from a reader's perspective?

[AmandaJ-art]

The comic is mostly about fear. Thoughts that I struggle with. I can see how that might have been a little confusing.

I'm a little confused about the joke part. None of those episodes have jokes.

[Absol]

Hello, I'd really appreciate it if you could have quick gander at my novel please? It's just something that I do in my spare time, and is still a work in progress but would love to know your thoughts etc (so + react pretty please). It's called Finding An Angel's Peace and is a fantasy/romance novel with an angel female lead and shifter male lead. I'll post the link in case you do fancy a look Thank you in advance if you do have a read!

https://tapas.io/series/Finding-An-Angels-Peace

[feuersichel]

Awesome, thanks alot for your react Gives me even another reason for redoing the start ^^

[dannygorny]

I'm definitely looking for a +react for mine. HMU if you have a recommendation I should check out in exchange

Sleepwalkers | Tapas

[DokiDokiTsuna]

I can agree with some of the flaws you mentioned but also feel like you might had a more "opinion-biased"

1. This thread is specifically for me giving my opinion. This is why I explicitly use language like "reaction" and "first impression" to describe what I'm doing.
2. Any reviewer, even a thorough, proper reviewer, will be giving their opinion on your work. Only a proofreader can rely solely on facts. Just FYI.

I think you might be used to more anime/comic like art so I get it.

That's quite an assumption. T_T I've seen semi-realistic art before, you know, and when it's done right it can look better than what you did (as in, not creepy). If you like, I can give you examples of semi-realistic artists I know who you might try to learn from.

Either way, I appreciate your criticism and will change and rewrite a few things, but I have to say you should try to word some things in a not so "insulting" way without knowing the person's background you are giving criticism to. Harsh criticism is one thing, being rude or straight up offensive is another, especially when you assume things.

1. I warned at the start of this topic to ask for my opinion 'at your own risk'. I feel like that should work well enough as a catch-all disclaimer; if anyone wants to become my enemy over what I told them I would do, we'd probably become enemies some other way eventually, so =/

2. Usually (as in, in other topics) I do try a little harder not to be this harsh, but an honest reaction is the point here, and if something in a story honestly makes me feel like something went horribly, horribly wrong with the the author's thought process, I think I'm doing them a disservice by dialing it down and pretending it's just something "I thought they could work on".
   If I react subtly, I'll write something subtle; but if I react acutely, my words will reflect that.

The prologue character is fleshed out a bit more later in the book but that doesn't really solve the issue you mentioned. Any thoughts for how I could make her more interesting from a reader's perspective?

So she does come back! I had a feeling~
Anyway, I really don't think you should change her, especially not on my account. If you're worried about it, maybe you could gather some more first impressions from other people, and see what they think...but I think she's fine the way she is. Not every character will appeal to everyone right away, and your work is definitely good enough to keep people reading if they're truly interested in your story.

I'm a little confused about the joke part. None of those episodes have jokes.

That was Ep 2, I think, where MC said the fact that they were walking their dog was an excuse for them to be out.
I guess it doesn't look like a joke on its own, but I've seen a lot of internet jokes in the same vein as what you're doing, and that was very close to the reasoning used in them.

In any case, if your comic isn't supposed to be funny, I'd really recommend you write the eps in a more purposeful way. Your art is some of the best I've seen so far in this thread, and I think you could find more success with a comic that wasn't just...'things'.