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BoxForAFox
Nov '22

Hey! So, I'm still new here and I'm trying to be more active and find great stories to read, and I thought of a (maybe) great idea. Basically, you click on the link of the story posted above you, give an episode a read, come back here and leave a little comment or feedback, then you post your own story!

So, here are some rules:

  1. Before posting comic/novel you must reply to the previous post's story with a comment or feedback (e.g. "this was great, I really loved the character!" or "Loved the art style but noticed some spelling mistakes".)

  2. No hate. I feel this is self-explanatory. While constructive criticism is great and should be welcomed, saying something hurtful or hateful isn't going to fly here.

  3. Only post 1 of your stories per reply. If you have multiple that you'd like to post, feel free, but ensure you're only doing 1 at a time. I'd also ask to not do it consecutively. That way, it gives room for other people to give different kinds of feedback and a bit more fairness.

  4. If you end up really liking the episode you read, why not show it some love :slight_smile: this isn't so much a rule, but why not?

This also isn't so much a rule, but if you don't like the genre of the story that was posted last, you can still give feedback on writing style or the art, or anything. Or, wait until another story is posted. I want this to be as fair to everyone as possible.

Alright, that is all! Have fun with this!

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    Nov '22

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    Dec '22
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TheAuthor
Nov '22

Just your novel. The normal parts and the character's feelings seem quite relatable and so far, James is my favorite character. I'm also interested in where this story will go. Now, Your turn.
Here is my novel.

cgiverny
Nov '22

Thanks OP for starting this thread. Looks quite interesting.

Okay so, @dadimoandmincart I read your first chapter and I must say your story has quite a unique plot. I did see some spelling and grammar mistakes (you go from past to present tense a few times) and there was one or two redundancies.

Also I would recommend saying Mandarin Chinese (Mandarin by itself is also fine) instead of Chinese since Chinese is more for dialects and people. Mandarin is the proper name for the language widely spoken in China.

There was also a mistake with the time. The MC was in China but you said he had gone 3 hours back in time - China is ahead of the USA in terms of time zones.

Lastly, I would recommend adding a description to the setting and rework a little on your description of the man. You had one line that I think people may take in the wrong way:

He had an untamed beard, and this was when David realized that the man was Asian.

Anyway, I'm going to stop here because this feedback is getting longer than what was asked. But good job on your first chapter.

cgiverny
Nov '22

I would love some feedback on my novel, but if the person after me feels uncomfortable reading it (it does have some mature content) feel free to do one of the previous people's novels. Also trigger warning on blood (more detailed at the top of the prologue).

Anyway, I hope you enjoy if you land up reading it :grin:

The Rising Darkness:

fsarbolaez
Nov '22
1

Thanks for this thread @BoxForAFox!

Thank you for sharing your novel @cgiverny!

I read the prologue and it really makes me want to read further! It built suspense and introduced questions right off the bat.
Who are these people really? Who's the culprit behind the attack? What are these powers and how did anyone get them? Why did any of this happen?
You can tell there's an underlying history behind all the characters involved and it's written in a way that it makes the whole situation intriguing.

I haven't noticed any mistakes or bits to tidy up on my read.

I'll be subbing to continue seeing where this story goes!

Here's my story for the next reviewer:

The Colonial History of Tir-Torzor and Brief Accounts of Its Diasporas’ Denizens:

Hipiticus
Nov '22
fsarbolaez

Sounds like a good idea OP.

I'm actually a fan of @fsarbolaez 's novel so my opinion may be a bit biased.

The first chapter nails the whole alien scholar writing a report and it feels like I'm reading a documentary of alien worlds. The only gripe that I had is, and this a spoiler so read at your own discretion, is that Tir-Torzor is Earth. It's not mentioned in the first chapter but it becomes clear in the later ones. I feel like that should be mentioned in the introduction chapter, it could get people more interested in the story then. If it was about some alien planet maybe others wouldn't be too interested about it. You could say something like the locals of the planet call it Earth or something. Anyways, the chapters I've read so far are really well written, very interesting, and the way some chapters are written in different styles like the one that was from the perspective of video recordings was really cool. I highly recommend people read this.

Here's my story:

Fuzzyman818
Nov '22

Thanks for the thread. I always try to promote myself in any way I can. This is a more interesting way than usual, so I'll take a crack at @Hipiticus's novel.

Okay so, right off the bat, we can see the struggle of the main protagonist. No money, no Job, he has a brother that's in jail, student loans to pay off. Until one day, he buys a mysterious object that could either benefit his life or become a great source of trouble. What I really like about the story is the protentional for all of the crazy stuff that could go down as a result of whatever wish he asks for. It's kind of like that one episode of The Simpson's Treehouse of horror, but a little bit longer and with more comedy and horror in it.

Here is my series:

1 month later

closed Dec 6, '22

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