Rate the first 3 pages of the story above you

sodathecoda 2023-10-30 21:06:20 UTC #21

Frankly your story is quite interesting and it was introduced very well. You certainly know how to catch the readers' interest. Also you worked pretty well on the lore of the chicken farm what humans would see as primitive on the other hand. This is something fresh.

However, there is problem with execution aka visuals. Perspective and proportions look a little bit off and inconsistent. Also there are contrast and color opacity issues. This makes pictures harder to read. Backgrounds have same line lenght and colours are the same as characters' which make them difficult to see.

Anyway, all in all it's quite good. You get seven roosters out of ten!

Now roast my comic!

Hoku_1 2023-10-31 01:53:10 UTC #22

I like how the mc is portrayed in the first 3 chapters and you did it nicely. How the MC is shown is done good and his thoughts. Excellent!
Also wonder what all the gibberish is about...

Here is mine:
New chap 4 for Punchline of Love is here!! Where the FL and ML finally meet.

Sypnosis: Mееt Yoo Ji-won, a spiritеd university studеnt with a knockout punch and a sеcrеt ambition to bеcomе a pro boxеr. Whеn shе crossеs paths with thе goofy but charming Lее Min-joon, a budding stand-up comеdian, thеir worlds collidе in thе most unеxpеctеd way. As thеy navigatе thеir drеams and carееrs, thеir journеy is a dеlightful blеnd of humor, lovе, and laughtеr, promising a knockout romancе likе no othеr. Can Ji-won's powerful punchеs and Min-joon's comеdic charm crеatе thе pеrfеct "Punchlinе of Lovе"?

blakestackman 2023-11-15 10:08:24 UTC #23

I really enjoy the way you write, how effortlessly it is to read, never tripping up on a word. Your dialogue comes across naturally and the dialogue tags really help sell what they are saying, and their demeanor.

I love the character names. I'm a westerner, so I I find these names rather unique. The characters are likeable - which for me I find to be one of the most important things I look for in a book I read - I want to care about the characters.
The motivations behind these characters are clear too, and you get these in the first three chapters. Great work!

........................................................................

Adult fiction

The fate of the world of Qwé hangs in the balance, ruled by a dark and corrupt empire that controls the exports and imports of slaves, and a valuable magical substance known as Pollenium.

A Rebel Alliance is forming in defiance against the empire, but will they be ready for what is to come?

An_Alias 2023-11-15 14:24:12 UTC #24

Working on a review for the one above, will post before the end of the day! (I just don't want to write up a whole thing and then have someone get to it first haha)

Review/Critique:
The descriptions are visually appealing and evocative! The language used paints a solid picture.

The variety of words used is fitting diction for the setting! It blends nicely with the fantasy aspects!

“…framed by a network of gentle crows feet.” Is really nice!

This is partially style, so this isn’t true all of the time, but I see it a little bit: there is a noticeable lack of simple words for things in favor of adjacent synonyms.
Ex: using queried instead of asked. “Asked” and “said” are kind of like invisible words. The reader won't notice them. While writing it can feel like you’re over using these simple words but in reality they’re not even really registered by the reader. When you use “queried” instead of “asked” it's much more noticeable and usually is a que for the reader to pay attention and look for why it was used instead. (To point out an odd question, suspicion, other connotations derived from the context).

I dislike prologues in general, specifically because they are almost always misused. So I have a little bias here haha.

This prologue (all parts of it considered) is exceedingly too long. Outside of the sheer length it’s more of an introduction/first chapter than a prologue.

“A prologue is a supplemental written piece (shorter than a chapter), at the beginning of a book that gives us a blink into the new world we are about to enter. It doesn’t have to be in sync with the timeline and should generate curiosity and elicit engagement.”

I would recommend this article for anyone who is considering writing a prologue. It’s short and to the point:

The setting is engaging! I like the moth pets/spirit guides (they loosely remind me of the deamons from The Golden Compass). It's very cute that it opens with the main character having a crush on a baker!

I'm honestly not feeling it with my elevator pitch but I've looked at it for too long:

Promiscuity had always been a source of pride among the elven men in Yinric’s tribe. As one of the half-elven bastards, he considered himself both often and lucky. Until a one night stand brewed into more. Not only is she pregnant, but they've both been excommunicated.