I am writing this story and need feedback desperately.
https://tapas.io/series/Unbroken-eh12
I'll gladly read, like and subscribe to yours!
EDIT: I am adding my poetry to this chain
Jun '21
Jun '21
I have only read the first episode so far and before I talk about my feelings, might I suggest calling it a 'Prologue' instead of an 'Epilogue'? Because epilogues are supposed to come after the end.
I find nothing wrong with the writing. It feels natural; like someone is talking about their experiences, which is what you are aiming at, from what I can guess. But the experiences you talk about- they feel like they're right out of a nightmare, which they are. I hope you are doing better now and if you are not, there are people who you can reach out to.
I would nominate myself, but having no experience of providing help in such cases, this is foreign to me and perhaps dangerous to you, since, again, I have little to no experience in providing support in such cases.
I am more emotionally invested in this than I might be in a lot of things. I have subscribed and hope to see more. You are not bound to read my story. But if you choose to, I hope it makes you smile a little and maybe make your day a little better.
https://tapas.io/series/Jinsei-Resonate1
Once again, I hope you are doing well. If you ever need a person to talk to, and this might sound creepy if misinterpreted but I'm genuinely just wanting to help if I can, I am always here, only a few clicks away.
(And if I misunderstood that part of it either being you or a character, I apologise. Some instincts stepped in and I said what I felt needed to be.)
Me? Well, I checked it out.
You did a really great job creating the tone and imagery of your novel because you really know what you're writing on. The "epilogue" thing doesn't need to be changed because I was hooked by it so I read it first before going to chapter 1.
You're a great writer and I think there's more to you than what others think or judge of you. I just want you to be sure about your purpose for writing this novel or story and what will you do afterwards when you finally reach the "real epilogue".
Unlike you, I don't think the depressing part of my novel was that enhanced which was why I was wondering how I can incorporate some abuse to my novel because my MC is a runaway who escaped from an abusive orphanage. I don't want to her to be damaged sexually but I want to give her like the feeling of a wage laborer's hardship. So kudos to your novel!
The mature sign is there in the episodes. I don't really think anyone is going to nag about that. If they see the mature sign on the novel and choose to walk out, that's for them to do.
@SurvivALIST And if possible, could you change the wording? I'm sure you don't really want to come off as arrogant when talking about being open minded and I, personally, don't talk about that stuff, so....
I genuinely appreciate everything you have said. The charachter is fictional but loosely based upon my experiences. I do write this from experience (with some minor adjustments.) I will read yours and write back when I can!
Thank you so much! I will gladly read this and try to throw you some ideas for possible hardships for your heroine.
I checked it out and the way you write is so direct and relatable that it makes it even more of a heartbreaking read 
I'm also really emotionally invested in this now, and I'll definitely be reading any updates.
Like Lahin said, I hope things are in a better place for you now no matter how directly or indirectly this character is based on your experiences
Totally no obligation to check it out, but I'll drop my link below! I do have quite a few CWs on this story and what Casper goes through is kind of heavy so mind that
I have read two and a half episodes, as I can't take it more at once. It is strong, and not everyone would be able to keep up with the topic. However, despite the number of people who will engage in it, I'm glad that you decided to write about it in any form. I hope it will be a form to clear just a bit of your thoughts. I'm very sorry that even a small part of it happened to you, and I hope you are better now and received help. I offer myself if you need someone to talk to, just as a stranger who won't judge and just listen or chat about the weather only.
As for the story, it's written well. You can feel this numbness in the first and next chapter. The narrative is monotonous as the feelings of the person who is narrating. The only suggestion I would have would be to organise dialogues. It would make it a bit easier to read as sometimes I had to stop to read again as I read over the dialogue as a narrative. It's just a technical thing, but you to decide if that will take away from the story. I'm just a begginer, but if you will have any questions, feel free to reach out.
I will leave a link down here. If it's not your genre, then maybe someone else would like it. It is more of a fluffy topic if you would like to cheer up by reading something cliche.
Thank you so much for your kind words. I will surely check this out. Also, to let you know, the way it went for me was really quite similar to this story - but I have made drastic changes, such as: Aliza was raped by her father, whereas I was raped by my step father. The thoughts that she projects, however, are 100% my own. I am channeling myself into Aliza as much as I can because my memories are so static. I can't place them in the right order or make sense of them. It's a form of therapy and also practice for my autobiography. I definitely agree with you about the dialogue. It's never been one of my strong suits. Mostly because, in real life, this is how I am. I mentally block out the noise and I am in my head 24-7. This also helps with releasing those unwanted thoughts that constantly swirl around in my head. I'm not sure why I wrote all of this, but thank you for listening.
Can't even imagine how huge scar it left on you. It's good that you have chosen to let them out, and thank you for further commenting under my post. Maybe start every new dialogue from a new paragraph. Check out some different novels and try to imitate the structure as much as you like. In the end, it's your book and your story and you are writing it for yourself. I'm sure either way it will do the job it supposed to and your autobiography will turn out great for the world to be heard.
