Read the first 11 episodes.
I like Kayci. I like the bits you give of her personality, being a little sassy + cocky, the growth of her becoming more assertive + heroic from her meek + sickly start. I really like the parts where you make the characters + world feel human and relatable.
The romance section with D had plenty of good moments. The cliffhanger sections were solid and made me want to keep reading. Sections like Kayci bleeding out and D saving her, Kayci saving Becky, did well in keeping me invested in the scene and concerned for what would happen.
I dislike the amount of details that seem to be skipped over + ignored. Kayci’s relationship with her mother. Kayci and Babys relationship + training. The spirits that Kayci constantly see, and have apparently helped. Brief descriptions + fast pacing can be fine, but I should still feel like I understand the topics that are being focused on, and relate to the main characters situation.
I don’t know why Kayci’s mother doesn’t let her have friends over, or why Kayci wants to so readily leave her. Kayci seeing spirits felt so brief + unimportant when it’s first brought up + the few times it’s referenced, that I felt nothing when you got to the big reveal of Baby being her guardian and that she’s a Waymaker.
Much of the descriptive writing leaves a lot to be desired, but those relationships are the big ones I think needed to be explained + developed at this point in the story for me to really care and feel part of this world.
The lack of detail makes it hard to tell what the focus/direction of this story is going, and what parts I should be caring about or not. Are we going to keep getting sudden year long time skips to Kayci being an adult + full blown Waymaker? I can assume D is going to return later, but is this other boy she mentioned going to be developed or matter? What other interests does Kayci have outside school + training?
Make sure you’re putting quotations around all of the dialogue. Make it clear who is talking at all times. Sometimes you’ll indent + put new quotation marks around another line of dialogue, and I can’t tell if it’s the same person, or the other person talking. Some character action might help too. Describe the characters acting + expressions to help guide and break up the longer dialogue scenes.
There’s plenty of good stuff here. The main characters and romance are interesting + likable enough I think readers will + have enjoyed this story, despite certain things feeling glanced over. The concept is a little stock anime, but works, and has led to some exciting moments.
Stopping there for now.
