Sounds good.
Here's an excerpt from a novel I wrote in 2017.
Would love a short review from you and I'll return the favour on one of your chapters.
Cheers!
Would love a short review from you and I'll return the favour on one of your chapters.
So I always like to write my reviews in three stages: Grammar, Characterization, and finally, Overall Story. That way, each section is given their own time to be focused on with no overlap, not to mention helps in showing you which areas you excel at and which ones you might need a little help in. Other than that, let's get started!
Grammar: It's stellar, no need for change at all. I also see that you have it published on Amazon, so you definitely had gotten an editor for it, and it shows. That's great because it means that its readability shouldn't be much of a problem, and any clunkiness won't be based on any run-on sentences, comma splices, or improper spelling. A+ work!
Characterization: It is an excerpt from a different book, so I'm guessing that these are either characters we're to be introduced to in that story, or ones from a previous book that I don't know about because I haven't read that story. Whichever the case, I'm not given much, besides their names and mannerisms, to get a solid feel, with Czarclana in particular. The Witch is dangerous and should be feared, but that's it. She comes off as your standard Evil Queen, but there isn't much that makes her uniquely Czarclana. What's her motivations? World domination? Why? Does she want to completely destroy the world (do villains not know that doing so will destroy them too or is that part of the madness okay I'm done), or just change society into her image? Are we talking about someone who wants to be a god, or who believes, in some twisted way, that she's saving humanity? We see a snippet of this when she says that she'll have control of the Seven Artefacts, but we're not given any explanation as to why she wants them. A perfect example of showing this would be Macbeth, who wasn't a villain initially, but due to his unchecked ambition, slowly became a monster. If you could include her motivations that's under the surface level, or use it as an example for the other characters also, then you're on the right track.
Overall Story: Your descriptions are touch-and-go. When they're good, they're really great. I don't normally like battle scenes (not to mention hate writing them, everything always ends with "X punched Y because he was a meanie. Y poked X in the face") because things can get pretty cluttered pretty fast, but yours is stellar. My favorite part is when the Bolt Thrower completely decimated most of the Predakren hoard just on his own. That's some power right there! However, there are also moments where there's a serious lack of descriptions, such as explaining to us what the characters may look like, the sheer volume and weight of things, etc. I accidentally explained much of this in the "Characterization" portion above, so I won't go into too much detail on that, but I will also add that your exposition is a bit overdone. Most, if not all, of what the characters say is information that could be shown to us instead. For example, if you mentioned the Legends briefly in the beginning, but then later showed them to us in the battle, and we get to see the full scale of who they are and their abilities, it builds up the reader's suspense and intrigue when they read about them later on. It's much better than explaining everything at once initially, as it loses that suspense (unless you do a twist, in which case, don't follow Season 8 of GoT. That one's a doozer).
Thank you for the excellent in-depth review. 
The questions you have framed are really very good. You defined the purpose of this excerpt (chapter 24, almost the end of the novel), this teaser, which is to intrigue the reader and get them to want to know more by purchasing my book. 
The book was published in 2017. I wrote and editted it myself. Haven't really marketed it at all though. The first three chapters are free to preview on the site, if you're interested.
I'll have a read of the first chapter of your book here and post my review tomorrow.
Cheers!
My pleasure! At first, I didn't know if I should have said what I said because I thought that the problems actually didn't exist, and that had I read an earlier chapter or two, it would have explained that. If that's the case though, I'm more than happy to do a re-review, if you'd like?
I know this is a big ask, but I would really appreciate some constructive criticism of my novel. I know for a fact that I need to add more detail, but I would like to hear what you would like me to do differently. I think the insight you provided to CarltonIsaac was very informative and would love to hear what you have to say about my work. It's about 33.6k words at the moment, but if you don't want to read all of that there are some specific scenes I would like to get your opinion on. Most of the episodes hover around five-hundred to eight-hundred words.
Your review was absolutely perfect for the limited information on the excerpt that I posted. 
And only if you really want you, you could review the first chapter or two of the main story 'Destiny's Beckoning.'. I plan to complete this one by month end and have it on Amazon soon.
I'd also like to throw my novel into here. It's 6am, so I can't read yet, but I will read your novel later in the day. You can read as far as you like, but the end of the first arc may give a good stopping point.
@hgwilliams98 Here’s my review for your series.
I read the prologue part of it, all three episodes and I am just posting my thoughts from the perspective of a reader, so I won’t have to get too technical. A little lazy of me there.
The writing is near perfect. I found absolutely no errors/typos, so that didn’t hinder the reading experience. However, you could split the larger paragraphs a bit to make it easier to read on app/mobile. Keeping each paragraph around five to six lines would work.
The pacing could have been better. It’s a bit slow in my opinion, as well as I found the prologue to be longer than prologues usually are, in my opinion. I know it was necessary to give the reader an idea of what happened before, and that’s good, and even better if it's tighter.
I also feel there are too many characters in the prologue right away for me as a reader to actually focus on who is who, though I know that reading the rest of the story will eventually have everything come into place.
I like that this part of story is strictly from Jameson’s POV and everything is reflected on as how he sees it. As a reader that’s a good self-insert opportunity into the events of the story as it all unfolds. I write mostly in this way too and prefer reading stories that do the same.
Overall, I’d say this prologue was a good read, a bit slow for me initially but it picked up in the third episode when King Kronos was up and about. I also like the Greek mythology theme your story is set in and will definitely want to read the main story after this prologue.
Cheers!
Sure thing! 33k+ words is a bit much for at once, but I'm fine with doing the individual episodes that you mentioned, that's not a problem at all! Which ones would you like for me to read?
Ooo, yes, that'll be nice! Fantasy's my favorite genre and your story really has me interested, I'll be commenting asap! 
Thank you so much for this, truly! Slow pacing has always been my fear since I've rewritten it, as I did know that its original moved waaay too fast. But definitely tighten things up and shorten things out, that's definitely a given lol Thank you for this!
Do you mean the episode that you linked you want me to review, or would you like me to read a few of them like I'm doing with @NovaSapien? I'm good either way! 
No problem! I'm about to go to bed, but I'll go ahead and at least read the first five chapters for ya, then post your review first thing in the morning. I'll be at the library all day anyway so free wifi lol
How many episodes are you willing to read? Does five work? If so, I'd like you to read The Solution parts 9 - 11 and The Escort parts 11 and 12. Thanks!
If that's too many, you could just read this1 instead. (It's only 2.3k words).
@CarltonIsaac Here's your review for the first chapter of "Destiny's Beckoning", buddy!
Grammar: No problem here, as usual. To be honest, I really shouldn't review based on this, as I've noticed that many stories on Tapas don't suffer from this problem like they do on Wattpad. Maybe because of the professionalism? It's cool, though, think of it like extra credit, so pat yourself on the back.
Characterization: A huge improvement here. It might be the first chapter, so we don't know too much of the characters' motivations, but we at least get a general idea of them. Iola is quiet and gentle, but there's a power behind her that she's reluctant to show others. Maybe it has something to do with why her grandfather is being held captive? Then there's Dacia, a sellsword with a heart, but a mercenary nonetheless. We see through Iola's eyes her distrust of the woman just as we would (or should), so it's an even mix between their personality and actions that paints a picture of who they are and why we should be on their side. Add an extra point!
Overall Story: Yes, it's a first chapter. Yes, it's short. But do I care? No, not really. Short chapters work best for an online audience, where nobody has the time to read a full-length novel in-between their lunch break. But just because it's a short chapter doesn't mean that it isn't full of personality. I've said before that your descriptions are really commendable, but it's really showcased here. Don't believe me? In the first two paragraphs, all that's being described is a thunderstorm. That's all. But the way that it's written, it not only feels like I'm right there, experiencing it right beside Iola, but it's done in a way that can only be found in a fantasy element. You cannot use the words that you did and in the way that they were arranged in, say, a sci-fi setting or a real-life drama. It's unique to its particular genre, which in turn makes its story unique, and that tone stays that way all throughout the chapter. There never is a moment where I'm not asking myself, "Wait, what's happening?", or "Why are we paying attention to this?" Everything that's being said is explained for a reason and is there because it needs to be. For example, you mentioned earlier about the grandfather, so we already know that this character has some sort of connection to the MC. But then you mention him again at the end, only this time, there's a grim feeling to accompany it. By doing so, you not only leave the reader guessing as to why he's there, but the audience themselves feel satisfied to know that they're not kept completely in the dark. We know who he is, now let's figure out why we should. This is the type of feeling that you should be experiencing in any novel, especially just from the beginning of one, and I don't doubt that it stays like this all the way through.