subbed, liked, and commented!!
i loved your story! it's very entertaining and easy to read. i also like how your chapters are shorter but still filled with important, relevant, and entertaining scenes :)) it makes it easier to read and it doesn't feel dragged out. i think that can help a lot for people who are really busy but still want to read :> or for those who have shorter attention span. oh and i also like your spacing between paragraphs! it's quite trivial but it really helps in making readers feel that the work isn't too wordy and cramped; like you can breathe in between paragraphs or lines :)) points for improvement i noticed: spellcheck is important (i noticed just a bit of errors, one of them is in the first chapter third paragraph, i thinkkk), a dialogue trailing off has to have complete ellipsis (three consecutive dots like this... i noticed there are only two dots often, but it's fine if u personally prefer it that way since it's in that way that you show your personality in your writing. in chatting with my friends, when i use exclamation points, i often use two only like this!! because one seems too formal, and three seems too intense), and whose and who's are different (whose is possessive like "who owns that bag" which can be "whose bag is that"; who's is literally "who is" but shortened. words that sound the same are often interchanged, so it's always a good idea to do a quick search, or to study more, or to read more formal/ properly edited books). i hope you gain more support and do more great works!! :)) you're doing so well!!
On the other hand, here's my work: Chasing Grief. It's a story in poetry form. It's about a woman who lost her love and is trying to navigate her feelings of loss, grief, and despair by going through life, death, and in between for answers to all her questions. Maybe in the end, too, she gets to reconcile with her hear :)) It's full of imagery, emotions, and feelings. I hope you look into it and give it some love!! <3 This is the last chapter for the third part btw, and the fourth (and last part) will come out soon!!