Romance Novels + Little Experience =?

[lpsalone14]

So I know that for most writers, they write from experience, but how do you do so if you have "very little" experience in the love department? I want to write a romance novel, but am getting stumped. The scenes seem too stiff and unrealistic, and it's hard to draw from my small amount of experience. Is there a trick? Do I ask people who are more experienced? If so, would it be deemed too awkward?? I really have no idea. Also, is there a way to describe romantic scenes w/o making it too cringy?

[daeofthepast]

From what I understand in both comic and novel making, romance is done for wish fulfillment. They're very rarely 100% realistic.

Maybe don't necessarily focus on whether the "romance" is realistic, but if the cause and effect of events in general is realistic.

[sei_gogone]

My best advice is to bounce ideas off someone and ingest a lot of romantic media.
@daeofthepast is absolutely right!

Also, romance isn't in my wheelhouse at all, but I draw a lot of inspiration from bad/cliched/archetypal romance scenes that I've seen. I just do the opposite. Like if there's a bad miscommunication trope I've seen somewhere, I try to do it better or make it so the miscommunication never happened in the first place.

If you're worried about the romance itself coming across stiff or unnatural, develop the characters a bit more. Does character A believe in love at first sight? Do they prefer to bring gifts on a date? etc. You may never use that information, but small, behind-the-scenes developments can help you better understand the type of person you're writing about.

[lpsalone14]

I think I understand what you mean. So use other romance media (comics, movies, stories,etc.) as a reference, similar to looking at a picture for an art reference?

[sei_gogone]

Basically. Look at what they're doing. Take note of what you like and what you don't like. It can help you form various predicaments or situations to put your characters in.

[lpsalone14]

So, it's okay if it isn't realistic so long as the character's personality coincides with it? That helps and makes me feel a bit better. I'll definitely keep that in mind while writing

[lpsalone14]

Thank you so much for the advice! That clears up a lot, I'll be sure to pay attention to what m characters are doing and how they interact. You rock!

[sei_gogone]

We're glad to help! @daeofthepast gave some solid advice too. You've got a lot of creative freedom, and if you need any help, the forum is here to bounce ideas around.

[lpsalone14]

Thank you so much for your insight and advice! I definitely will look more into romantic media to build up a bank of references and ideas. You the bomb! (lol, that was a little corny, my bad)

[DiegoPalacios]

The key is to learn how to write the chemistry between 2 characters. That is why is important you give both a solid characterization.

Remember people express affection in different ways. For example, some may love romantic gestures while others find them cheesy.

In the end, talking to your partner is like talking to your closest friend, but being more open about affection and a longterm projection for sharing their lives. This doesn`t mean dedicating every moment to your partner, because that would be unhealthy, but they will dedicate some time together.

[ratscout]

I absolutely love writing romance and I have never been in a romantic relationship! You don't need to be if you're a good enough writer! The key is to put yourself in your character's shoes.

If the character is an extrovert, for example, they have probably been around the block a few times and might be pretty sexually experienced as opposed to an introvert. If this is the case, the character should be pretty confident in a relationship and should know who they want to be with (or, ahem, have a one-night-stand with). This type of character might be quite a bit more grabby and open with affection.

Similarly, if you want to write a damaged character, a lot of people use sex as self-medicating behavior--even shy individuals--similar to abusing alcohol.

Ultimately, my advice is to try and put yourself in the characters shoes--as well as assuming their personality characteristics--and think what you would do in their shoes!

But, as I always say, do as your heart tells you~!

[MariMontoya]

I don't think it matters if you've been in a relationship or not to write romance. I certainly don't use my relationship experience in writing romance in my stories lol, but I will say being realistic is important in some genres of writing, and a good mix of realism and wish fulfilment is what makes it good bc ppl can relate as well. That's just my opinion . Just make sure you know your characters well enough to know how they would interact with their romantic interests or how they handle romantic relationships. I think mistakes can be made when a character does something the complete opposite of who they rly are just to further a plot line or drama in the romance. Anyway you certainly don't need to have romantic experience in writing romance!

[shazzbaa]

I think that writing doesn't always have to be based on things you've literally done yourself in order to draw from your own experiences. I think a lot of times it means writing with empathy, looking at and listening to the people around you. You have experience being a person who has interacted with other people. Maybe you've never been in love, but you've surely known someone who has!

Also, obligatory link to my favourite article on writing romance well! There's a lot of tangible writing advice here that doesn't require Romantic Experience to understand!!

[lpsalone14]

I see what you're saying. So also pay attention to the character's chemistry between each other. This is a good note! Thank you very much!

[lpsalone14]

Thank you so much for this link! It's REALLY helpful with lots of info I can use.

[lpsalone14]

I get what you're saying about putting myself through the characters's shoes and imagining the kind of choices they'd make. I'll look more into the different kinds of behaviors for each side and play around with it for a bit. This is great advice!

[lpsalone14]

I hear what you're saying (it puts me at ease a bit) and will definitely be paying more attention to my characters and their personalities, maintaining them throughout the story; unless I push for some character development. Thank you for your advice!

[375]

Honestly, I think romance novels are based on what people wanted and fantasized about but also brings a little bit of reality into it. Not all romances are cut and dry. Some are hella messy and some are depressing.

[morcalivan]

Eh, writing from experience is overrated. We'd never have fantasy and horror and scifi if people only did that.

Like everyone said, romance is largely fantasy and wish fulfillment. Assuming you are not aro/ace, think about what makes your heart beat a little faster. Read a couple of romance books (the good ones, preferably). Read some fanfic. Watch some movies. Listen to sappy love songs. Listen to bitter breakup songs. Listen to songs about yearning for the impossible. All of it provides valuable nuggets for your imagination to mill over.

All that said, the exact details largely depend on what type of romance you are writing. There's cute, fluffy romance. There's bitter sweet non happy ending romances. There's the steamy, leaves your mouth dry kind. There's the dark obsessive romances.

[daeofthepast]

Yuss and I definitely recommend looking up and studying the five love languages! There’s a whole movie called that too I think lmao. But the theory is that there are five ways people use to show their love to someone AND how they may expect love to be shown to them.

Having two characters with different personal love languages can lead to some nice misunderstandings and drama. It happens in real life ALL the time.

In example, I expect you to show your love by giving me gifts. It can be anything, flowers and chocolates or just some nice letters about your thoughts. Possibly, this is something I observed by parents doing when I was growing up OR maybe from movies or something. Either way, gifting is my love language and I may even go out of my way to give you gifts.

HOWEVER, you may have a different love language and have different expectations. Maybe you think that talking about your day and sharing experiences is how you show your love and you expect it shown back. If I don’t know this and don’t see the value in maybe “bothering you” with these experiences, you may think either I don’t love you OR that there’s something wrong in that you’re not trustworthy enough for my stories. X3 And you can already guess how it can go if you don’t give me gifts all the time OR don’t accept my gifts.

The relationship is basically fine, except the two people didn’t know about each other’s love language and expected everyone else’s love language to be the exact same as theirs.