Season Break Lounge. Drop your links for feedback!

[Majin_lew]

Anytime!

Ha, I don't really sleep at night, so it was probably closer to like 6.5 or so hours.

There were some scenes I went back to reread to make sure I understood, and of course that includes scrolling through all those hilarious episode comments.

When someone said they were in a Denny's, it almost ended me, lol.

[Majin_lew]

I'd love to! Adding you to the list after The Night Archivist!

I'm excited. We love a strong FL with no magic, giving leftover Great War demons an uppercut!

[camrendutha]

thank you! i’m waiting to hear your feedback!!! and yes, we love a strong woman!

[Majin_lew]

As requested, I stuck with the newest release.

I really like the idea of an interdimensional 'timeout' unit. DHC is honestly just cool to say.

Without even reading the earlier episodes, I can already tell that Team 3 is tight-knit, and each of the characters has individual quirks that readers already love.

I sense that the installments exist independently of each other, which is really nice. Because the reader can start at any point.

Modern Major Generals was easy to jump straight into. I was immediately grounded in the story and had no problem understanding where we were headed. The exposition was clear and concise.

I would honestly love to see this later develop into color.

Looking forward to seeing what happens between Peìpa and Kista in the next chapter! (Although I might be Team Peìpa, lol)

Thanks for sharing!

[kyupol]

Wow 6 hours

And yes I remember that comment. Hes another webtoon artist.

Check out his comic here:

Read Free Falling | Tapas Web Community

Funnier shit than mine 🤣

[Majin_lew]

I'll give it a look!

But honestly, thinking of anything funnier is kinda scary, lmao.

Haha, it takes me a bit of time to go through these because I want a clear understanding. And sometimes that happens on the second read.

A motif shall not be missed on my watch!

[delladz]

Thanks so much for reading! I'm glad that the latest "chapter"/mission was easy to jump straight into.

In a perfect world, one would start from the beginning, but I acknowledge that the beginning isn't the strongest and that you've also been asked to read a lot of works so I get only reading a little bit!

Color has been used in the comic but like very sparingly and for striking plot relevant moments, so if you ever felt interested in reading from the start you would see how color plays into it, but tbh me and colors just don't really vibe XD

Thank you again for reading!!

[Majin_lew]

Jumping straight in to Chance Encounter.

Lol, the missing victims are presumed dead after being missing for only 72 hours, leaving only a puddle of blood?

An absolutely unhinged hook. Readers love that.

The one thing that I'd recommend for future chapters is trying to ground the reader in the scene before jumping into emotional escalation, so the stakes land harder.

Use the world you've built to lean more into Luna's destabilization. Make sure you aren't pushing her into high stakes before you build up to it.

We also need to clearly understand Luna's motivation/drive for seeking out Crime, because right now there are a lot of untethered threads;

• 6 years of searching for Crime with no results
• Parents (both killed) by anti-ability association
• Older siblings missing
• Siblings almost sold off by step-mother to anti-ability association
• Older sister and girlfriend leave to find other siblings/none return

You drop this on us in a single paragraph. Our knees just buckled, and we're taking a nap on the kitchen floor, lol. (This is NOT a problem!)

You have a really good premise; lean into that!

But for future episodes make sure you structure the prose in a way that doesn't confuse the reader.

I would take your character chart and make sure their goals line up with your narrative rhythm. Because I 100% know you know what's going on as the writer.

You need to make sure we are grounded in the story. Think about any and every gap and fill it with that 'as seen on tv' Flex Seal shit.

As you continue working on future episodes, think about the reason behind that motivation and give your readers clarity.

• Is there a connection between the anti-ability association, Crime, and Regret? Or are they singular entities that function with different purposes?

• What is the reason the anti-ability association killed Luna's parents? When did the stepmother enter the picture? What did she gain from attempting to sell off Luna and her siblings? How did they escape?

• What is the purpose of Crimson and Noelle leaving to find Violet and Eon and not taking Luna with them?

• During this 6-year gap, what progress has Luna made? Is the 6-year timeline significant?

In future episodes, you want to ground your exposition and make sure the escalation has earned payoff for the reader. You want to avoid listing interactions without depth, because you can lose the reader in the noise.

Again, there's absolutely nothing wrong with what you have. You just want to be conscious of reader clarity for future episodes. Allow your reader to fully immerse themselves in the world you've built without that continuity spike breaking it.

All that aside, I'm excited to keep reading! Looking forward to seeing what happens when the siblings reunite!

[Majin_lew]

I am 10,000% interested in reading from the beginning!

I can't speak too heavily to comics as they aren't my area of focus, but I do have a backlog of my webtoons and I can definitely give you my opinion.

I am 100% committed to providing honest feedback to those that responded to this post. So, I will definitely circle back and start from the beginning.

Lol, I totally get that. I used to click on a link and see that it had no color and immediately go NOPE. Haha I've evolved as an individual since then.

[LWriter]

Omg gracias so much for reading it, that is officially the most feedback I’ve ever gotten ever, for this or in geberal, and it made my day, hell, my month! Gracias gracias for taking the time! Even if you had hated it I would have been happy

I’m delighted you liked the story and characters so far, characters are always my main focus, and for this story, I wanted to basically combine my two favorite things: Lord Of the Rings and Batman lol. Sherry is my Dark Knight But I wanted her to Venezuelan like me, because I always wanted that kind of representation in the kind of genre stories I love, so although it’s never officially stated, I can tell you that Santa Fae is built atop of what one was the capital here. If you see the Map I had made of it, it’s based on it ^^

But yeah, it’s a story at its core about grief and wealth, using magic as the sort of equivalent. In every book I ever read, it was always this infinite thing that people could just tap into, but I wanted to see wha happens when it was finite but also given only to the privileged few. And less about exhaustion, but what the Queen herself allows since she’s the one who decides who gets it, being the literal source for it.

And even thought Sherry technically counts among those privileged few, she is seen as not because of her family’s way of using it, and she carries on that legacy unapologetically, though arguably to her own detriment. She brought and keeps Mort back, not agaisnt his will, but only because he wants to help him cope with his own death, which I just thought was a neat concept.

I had thought about making them lovers at first but didn’t ring true for me, liked it more that they were just best friends, and in Sherry’s case her only one. Which is why he was precious to her. Mort was with Val, who is also grieving, and I do worry I had too many characters at one point. I’m sure an editor, if I could afford one, would find a way to tighten it all a bit, but I tried to keep my focus on Sherry first and for most.

But I love a diverse cast, like having your boss be a literally giant dragón lol. Mr. Tol being obsessed with human technology, and Orras trying to find an alternative magic, it’s all a response when people are cut off from the wealth. And Deadbone, yeah, wabted to create like my Joker equivalent, a villain that would torment Sherry the most, of her own making, and utterly chilling. The idea is he’s the next monster. Like in this universe, Sherry’s family is responsible for creating abominations like vampires and werewolves (though I never say it explicitly yet) both random responses to the overuse of their necromancy magic, but an immortal creature who feeds on blood, one of flesh, and now this new one of bone.

Anyway, I’ve ranted a lot, sorry I do so look forward to hearing your thoughts more! Here or if you comment on it! I hope my writing style was up to par, still need to improve, good point about over descriptions sometimes and once again, gracias!

[Andrew_Thisel]

My comic is still in the early stages of the story, feedback would be a great help. I want to know how to better capture the audience's attention for what's to come.

Read Wd :: Dark World Pag.1 | Tapas Community

A small addition:

My comic aims to tell multiple stories that I've written over the past five years. So far, I haven't shown anything particularly impressive yet, and I'm still working on improving my art style, but if you enjoy action, science fiction, and horror elements, this series has a lot to offer.

[Majin_lew]

This is for Chapters 1 - 3 (I promise I will get to the rest, taking each story in a little at a time so I can give everyone the attention they deserve)

Potentially weaponized, corrupt, accidental laboratory discoveries stemming from human greed escape to wreak havoc in the worldddd?

Clutches mug of piping hot tea in one hand and my grandmother's precious pearls in the other

To start, you have a very cinematic approach to grounding the narrative, and guess what?

It's working really well.

Just be conscious of giving your emotional beats space to breathe. There isn't any rush.

In your future chapters try taking the time to pause that narrative flow and let the current emotion sit with the reader. A little stress won't hurt 'em, I promise.

The transitions from the 3PL narration to Michelle's internal voice is clear.

The reader understands your use of italics, but be careful if you ever have multiple internal voices existing in the same scene or too much of a flip back and forth. No one wants a pillow fight with pillow-shaped bricks....

Well.... maybe someone does, idk.

Haha, as someone in my early 30s, I was wondering how jumping into the mind of a 15-year-old protagonist was going to feel.

And, ya know? It wasn't that bad.

I could just be a dinosaur far displaced from high school, but there was one thing that stuck out to me. The Michelle and Brenda interaction;

• Michelle's a big ole nerd
• Brenda believes Michelle to be 'in line' with the principal
• Brenda wants a new locker from Michelle the nerd
• Brenda further threatens, that Michelle will be at fault if she doesn't get that fancy new locker

It isn't a problem, but you want to make sure that the character interactions hold enough logic not to make the reader pause and go 'huh?'.

Make the squirrel readers (it's me; I'm the squirrel); focus on the story instead of wondering how a 15-year-old nerd has the secret locker hookup that facilities should be handling.

AlSO I'm loving the visual character art you're adding to the chapters!

At times the scene switches can feel a bit abrupt. Try adding a buffer to ease the transition into the next area of action. You are in complete control of the orientation of your reader.

Make sure to soften that switch so they feel less like they got slapped in the face for breathing.

SO what you're doing is extremely ambitious and can work very well if handled correctly. You are introducing a lot of characters into the story at once.

There's nothing wrong with that, but you want to make sure that each character has a specific identity marker so the reader doesn't forget them.

A girl with scratches all over her body in the gym locker room? A hooded girl with a white mohawk? Those details stick with a reader; lean into those descriptions as your characters develop an identity in the story.

Alright... Aya decimating Brenda's locker was everything I needed in my life. (Can you tell I structure my feedback as I read yet, lol?)

THIS is that character identity. Perfect payoff for that setup, I don't even care about logistics anymore, lol. A+.

Moving into the combat scenes. They're descriptive and they include everything you need. This is GOOD! But you want to let the action breathe.

In your future chapters I would see what it looks like incorporating Michelle's reaction in the midst of a combat scene instead of just at the end.

This is your buildup; you've raised the stakes, and it's almost time for that payoff for the reader. Lean into the emotion of the scene and let those action beats sit for a moment while you have your reader on the edge of their seats. That will make it land the hardest.

The biggest part of this first section was Michelle's reveal. In future chapters try to hone in on what emotion Michelle is drawing from her interaction with the orphanage and the girls themselves.

Because as of right now, her breakdown when she learns about her father's potential involvement and the true nature of the girls at the orphanage feels less earned than it should. That was the breaking point for her, and it was immediately shadowed by a huge fire.

See what playing around with an emotional escalation chain for Michelle looks like before her next break. Lean in to her physical and mental exhaustion and make the reader FEEL it too.

Then at the height of it, knock that stack of cards over with a blowtorch and leave us on an illegal cliffhanger.

Thank you so much for sharing! And I'm looking forward to seeing how these girls stress Michelle out next!

[Majin_lew]

I would love to read your comic and provide feedback!

Waking up alone in a forest filled with monsters with ONE EYE!? I've got questions, lol. 🧐

I've got you locked in after After the Journey!

It'll take me some time, but I WILL read every single post. I promise!

[Majin_lew]

This right here is what I love!

You getting excited about your work is what gets me excited about your work!

I'm going to finish Part Two and give a more detailed response to this! Bear with me, please!

[LWriter]

I so look forward to it! 🏽 ^^

[navf86]

Here's mine. :')
I'm trying to make it as hardcore sci-fi as possible... so a lot of the story can be discerned from the dialogue. And yes... of course, there's some action as well.

Appreciate your time in looking through it and sharing your feedback Hope you enjoy it too!

Read Promethean-1 :: Acquisition - part 2 of 3 | Tapas Community

[blitz_kreed]

Here's my Novel, please feel free to give Feedback on this World.

I'm open to constructive critcism, since it makes me become a better writer.

Read Aurexis | Tapas Web Community

[Lilyflowerv]

Thank you so much for your feedback! I'm glad you enjoyed it! These questions are answered in future chapters, but I know it's a lot being thrown at once so I hope it wasn't too confusing Thank you again for reading!

[Dashio_Sumeragi]

Thank you very much for your reaction. Well this is my very first story, so it has a few rough spots and I know I have commited a few sins.

Regarding the internal voice – most of the time those are Michelle´s thoughts, since the story is written mostly from her perspective, but I tried to make it in a way that it would be clear whos thought that are if not hers. And as the episodes will progress, there will be less and less of those moments.

Now… The Michelle and Brenda interaction. Here is the thing: Michelle is the nerd and she is very liked by the teachers staff and the principal. So everybody believes she can solve every problem for them, which she can´t.

The scene switches – due to the lack of any experience I had a hard time with that at that time. At first the story was just a set of scenes I tried to put together somehow, plus skip the boring stuff and squeeze one week of their live into two episodes.
Then there is another factor – I didn´t wanted to drag this out too much. You see – the first two episodes are a school-life deception, a place where the MCs would meet and interact for the first time and a stepping stone for what is to come. A little normalcy before shit hits the fan.

Introducing a lot of characters – yes. I know. But mostly they just show up like „Hi, I´m here, but you don´t have to pay too much attention to me yet, I will introduce myself properly later.“ In the first episode Michelle, Trella and Aya are the only important ones and in ep.2 comes Aiko to the mix. Everybody else is just an extra – at least for the moment. They will slide into the story step by step.

Now to that street brawl – again, it was from Michelle´s perspective and as such everything happened so fast she even forgot to react at first.

„What emotion Michelle is drawing from her interaction“ – spoiler alert – we will get a lot of that very soon – actually that´s partially what the next episodes are gonna be about. In ep.3 she still is trying to process it on her own without much success. But that wasn´t her breakdown just yet. That fire served a purpose. Now in the last scene Michelle is clearly emotionally overloaded. The scene is a direct bridge to the next episode and all the emotions will go out.

Thanks again and I´m glad you liked it. Looking forward to your next reactions.

[Majin_lew]

This is for Chapters 1-5 of Echobound.

SO let me first say when I was reading the description I was like, "aw shit, I'm about to be fucking confused,"...

Well, let me tell you something.

I'm only a minute in, and your intent is crystal clear. Good job.

In the first 5 sentences you've successfully established the stakes. You've also grounded the reader in the description before they're even immersed in the story.

The description already establishes

• Who Rukishu is.
• His stakes in the story
• Why he's fucking missing
• Where you're grounding the reader in the narrative (Upbringers Citadel)
• The connection to Royoshi
• Literally Royoshi's character motivation down to his SSN
• Royoshi's de-escalation, reset, and forward momentum
• You even gave us our villain and their drive

All of that was structured in a way that gives the reader a light taste of the novel without too much information. The epitome of "I'm not touching you" lore drop.

Like who even thinks of lore dropping in the description? I love you and hate that I didn't think of it first.

Scratch that, I'm too impressed by that subtly unsubtle lore drop to hate anything right now.

I will say the first chapter left me wanting a bit more of the combat action. It felt like too important a battle to pass by as quickly as it did.

You can't drop exposition in a blurb, then make the reader feel like a genius because they've been grounded in the narrative within the first 5 sentences, and then make it go by in a flash....

Well maybe you can... because that's what's happened, lol.

Royoshi getting the news that he was recruited into Class C, felt like a big ole bag of bricks for the reader. His "I'm about to head out," felt REAL. Legit, I wanted to leave FOR him.

Man's can't even be bothered to react to people, lol. The interesting thing is it creates more of an identity, not less.

This is the type of character building that keeps the reader turning the page at 3am. That is doing serious work for your story.

I did notice that your chapters are on the shorter side. There is NOTHING wrong with that, but it means you have to juggle action vs. information density very carefully.

When done correctly, the reader is more forgiving about abrupt scene transitions.

Like Royoshi was mid-thought and you legit said in the VERY next line;

"The first assessment came sooner than expected."

Before punching the reader in the face, gracing them with a .5 second blackout, then kindly letting them know they've been moved to the abandoned industrial sector, and not to worry, you'll make good use of all the organs you harvested.

The only reason this works is because Royoshi doesn't give af. Keep this energy; it's doing serious work.

I almost want more of a description of the enemies. Like, I understand the stakes within your world's constraints, but as I read, I'm yearning for more of a visual. But I know a visual takes away from what you've set Royoshi to be.

A detailed visual takes away from his framing in the scene. He's not looking at details; he don't even want to be there rn, lol. So, I get it, but it doesn't make me want it any less.

The "If you live, I'll ask you a question," before Royoshi collapses is clearly unhinged writer behavior.

I'm here for it.

We love a diabolically clean cliffhanger that keeps us clicking chapters when we're supposed to be working.

Nice work on making that hologram a complete fucking menace. A+

I love the choice to integrate the essence of an ability user's Shuryoku into the atmosphere. This is a genius setup. You are quietly establishing subtle cues for when a stronger force "enters the chat". It's working well.

I'm interested to see how Royoshi's interpretation of the things around him will develop in later chapters. While the reader understands the function, a lack of description and abrupt transitions can only carry the story so far before readers start to yearn for that deeper visual. Again, just something to think about.

I love the comedic elements that keep appearing in the prose. Royoshi's 5-7-9 breathing technique took me out, lol.

Pffft, I'm interested in seeing what nonsense this menace-ass hologram is going to put my poor boy through in future chapters.

Nice work and thank you for sharing!