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Jan 2020

I need to get it off my chest. My fiancee is a nice person but he is also a poor person..... somewhat. Long story short, my family sold him a family car and he was driving home.... Got pulled over and the car, our family bought 20+ years ago was impounded because he was stupid. Now it's $300.00 fee in a city he doesn't even live in, Emporia. He lives in Gardner and I live in Overland Park... Both in Kansas. What should I do?

I feel so disappointed :disappointed: in him like seriously....he didn't listen to me about people in the car nor did he listen about the drive to Emporia which I told him to not go on...I told him like three times don't have people in the car and don't drive them around....he didn't heed my warning. :rage::sob: Again what should I do?

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    Jan '20
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    Jan '20
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Sorry about your situation... D:

He didn't listen to you regarding this. Has he listened to you about other things?

He made a mistake, it happens. But if he has never listened to you, then he likely never will and more mistakes that could be avoided, won't be. Those are my thoughts as a complete outsider.

I don't necessarily know how this all works in the US, so I don't understand how the car got impounded after being pulled over but he didn't lose his license. What "stupid" thing did he do that caused them to take it, was it linked to having people in the car? I don't feel like I understand the scenario, so my advice here may be wrong...

My advice, based on an admittedly incomplete understanding of what exactly happened would be to let the car to AND to let the guy go.
Your family sold him the car, it's not yours any more, it's just an object, and I know losing an object you have a sentimental attachment to because you've had it a long time feels sad, but it is ultimately just a thing you already gave away and it's best to let it go. At that age and if your family sold it on already, it's not worth spending out to get it back.
As for the guy? Dump him. He clearly doesn't listen to you, he doesn't value a vehicle that your family has sentimental attachment to and sold to him probably pretty cheaply to do him a favour, and he doesn't think about the consequences of his actions or the responsibility he has as an adult. You do not need a person like that in your life. You need someone who acts like a grownup.

If it helps, I LIVE in the US and I don't get why the car was impounded either. One way is if the driver and passengers are all drunk and driving unsafely and being belligerent upon being pulled over - that is, a "Driving Under the Influence of Alcohol" ticket/arrest happens and no one is able to drive the car away from the scene. Another is the car is somehow considered a danger to public safety (ie no air bags / proper brakes / proper seats / seat belts / ect).

I once saw an article where cops pulled over a car in EU somewhere and they were astonished to see the driver was driving the car with a bucket for the seat attached to wooden infrastructure he had manufactured and the wheel's missing.

Are you asking if you should pay the fine or not? I vote no. People who can't or won't learn by example don't change their behavior unless they're forced to face the consequences of their own bad decisions. Don't be cruel about this, but don't step in, either. If you pay the fine, you're enabling him.

So? The question is:
The car was not allowed to drive in Emporia?
And the car is not allowed to have passengers?
You told him this 3 times and now he needs to pay for the mistake.
And you don’t know what to do about it?

Depends on your relationship, how deep engage are you? Let love decide.
Is he an asshole? Was he just a kind soul trying to help some people? Was he driving for the Mafia?
Did your family sold him an illegal car to help him but must drive under the radar?
Not sure what’s up here?

Do you need him to have this car. Is it important for you and your life that he get’s this car back? Will you help him pay?

In my life, I’m also that kind of stupid. I tent to forget bills and miss important stuff. But I don’t do it on purpose. I’m just a fool. But my wife knows this and she helps me, and clean up for me. And I try and try to be better. But she sticks with me because she loves me for all my other strong values. We are one.

It all depends on who you are and what was the senario?

yeah i agree with everyone, you are not really telling us WHY he got pulled over. was he speeding? did one of his buddies have an open beer in the car? did one have pot on them?

We're really lacking a lot of details here but even at that, I'm going against the grain here...

If your fiancé is old enough to buy and drive a car....then he's old enough to drive HIS car wherever he WANTS to. It sounds to me like you're making a lot of demands about what he's doing. Every relationship is different but it sounds like the problem here isn't about a car... It's about your comfort levels with a partner who retains their own levels of independence.

If you need a partner that defers to you more, that's perfectly fine but don't confuse your needs with those not meeting them being the problem.

He told him that he had insurance, that was a lie. He drove the car without insurance. The car was insured under my parents policy. We tried to set him up with our insurance and turns out he lapsed on that insurance a few years back and had to get new one. When I asked him if he had insurance, he looked me in the eye and flat out lied. He showed on the police report :rage: that he told without insurance and committed a misdemeanor all while driving a friend who is his roommate home. The friend smelled like Mary Jane, and smoked it too. Our family car was impounded in a city that we don't know and never drove to. It's a hour's drive.

No one at his place had a car. He lives with five people and no one else has a car except him. Now he doesn't have one.

Not sure I follow that chain of events but don't you need proof of insurance in Kansas to transfer a car title?

And if you're driving your roommate home, aren't you going home too?

Okay so... He lied to you and the police about the insurance. And his friend is a bad influence?

It doesn't sound good.
Let him deal with his own shit then

So in summation (please correct any inconsistencies

  • You are engaged

  • you live at home, he lives with roommates

  • He is poor (?)

  • He bought a car from your Dad

  • He lied about having insurance

  • He got pulled over and booked on not having insurance and a possible DUI due to friends in car smoking pot?

*Car is now impounded and will cost $300 (plus additional fees depending on how many days it's there)

Technically if he bought it and had the title transferred to him, it is no longer the family car, it's his problem. Also, he would need not only the money to cover the impound fees if he wants it back, he'd also have to get proof of insurance and that'll probably cost him a lot depending on what he was actually ticketed for and if it gives him demerits on his driver's license.

I'm assuming you're not in a hurry to get married since you two seem to have a lot of things to work out both financially and honesty in your relationship.

Oh no, we were holding on to the title because we wanted him to pay off the car first. It's still the family car legally. He was suppose to have car insurance. He was ticketed for not having insurance and driving in the left lane for so long on the highway. And actually you're right, we do have to work out issues. Lots of issues. Everyone's advice is so helpful. Thank you so much for letting me, vent. Not in a hurry to get married. :pensive:

Update

I looked in the trunk. There were drugs in the trunk. :rage: I threw it away. I can't believe I ever thought about dating someone like him.

Btw, we got the car back. My ****fiancee has to go to court and pay $443....in Emporia. My mom and I drove an hour or so to get there. We had no idea where we were got lost. Ended up a the police station, who were very rude. Waited at least an hour and they found my mom use to be a cop. When they found that out, they're tune changed automatically. We drove down to the tow lot, ran away from a Doberman. Eventually the tow guy came and released the vehicle to us. My mother paid a lot of money for the car back and put it back in our insurance.

***Fiancee is a place holder at this point. The car is back and he told me not to look in the trunk.

Lighter news, comic is doing well. But.... this thing I had with this person is at a standstill at the moment. He has a lot to make amends for. Also there was drugs in the trunk. :sob: There weren't his but the fact they were in the car to begin with is complete bullshit. Sorry for cursing, I don't know where to go from here. I don't know who to talk to. I'm glad that I was able to just vent. And cry and vent. Thank you so much for everything, guys. Have a great day or night or afternoon. :sob: I'll let you know what happens next.