Social Media Confidence and Childhood Validation

[SoftWonderBun]

TLDR: I did not get external validation or interest taken in my creative pursuits as a kid and I feel it effects my ability to use social media now, HBU?

This topic is totally out of left field but I've been thinking about it a lot today. I am not someone that has ever been able to get a handle on social media in any of its forms. I'm old enough to have been on DA pre sonic takeover and have just kind of floated along from place to place.

I'm not someone who would say they had their interests validated or shown basic interest(I'm not sure that's the right term) by those around me as child: parents, teachers, etc. My lack of confidence with showing my work is my own, but I wonder if that lack of validation in my childhood is contributing to that problem. To put it simply, I'm afraid I will never believe anyone gives a crap about my work no matter what I do. I'm very aware that no one is required to validate me and don't expect it, but I wonder how external engagement with my interests from those adults in my life would have effected my confidence now.

So after all that my question is, to those of you who feel you have a handle on social media, did you get any sort of validation or push to pursue your creative interests as a kid?

To those of you that did not(like myself), do you feel you have a handle on social media or do you struggle with the idea that no one cares to the point that you also don't use it?

[TheLemmaLlama]

I feel pretty confident in showing my work on the Internet, and I'd say my parents were supportive; they did buy me a drawing tablet, after all. There weren't super interested in seeing my work itself, but then again I never asked them to look; they may well have engaged with it if I asked XD

[Kelheor]

My mom was supportive, she's the kind of person who was going around telling people how well I draw, trying to get me to art school, yet I still have very little confidence when it comes to social media, "no one will like it", "why would they be interested", "I wish there was better stuff to show". I have troubles sharing full colored works, not to mention I don't ever share sketches. When I see someone cares though, it makes me really happy until next time I should post something which makes me terribly nervous again. I do have a couple K subs on Instagram, but I won't really call it having a handle on social media, tbh.
I do much better in small closed groups of people I know, like here on forum we have a Sketch a day thread I am completely fine sharing anything, which I suppose tied to how I used to share the art with close friends at school.

[darthmongoose]

I was given an excessive amount of praise for my art ability as a child, because I was a child drawing prodigy from a rural community (so... you know, the "best artist in school"), and combined with undiagnosed autism meaning that I struggled in social situations without knowing why, but could always reliably be made to feel welcome and special for my artistic abilities, I ended up with a lot of my self-worth tied up in being able to impress and entertain people with my drawings.

So... on the upside and to answer your question, yes, I'm pretty confident about showing my drawings to others. I was encouraged from a very young age to display my work, enter competitions, to bring out my art like a sort of local attraction.

But the downside is that it really messed me up emotionally. I struggle with taking criticism, I take people not being interested in my art as a personal insult, like they're not interested in me or don't like me and I get way too concerned about my work's performance. As an adult, it's been a really hard thing to deal with.

The upshot is, yes, I'm pretty good at promoting my work, but also prone to obsessing over promoting my work and getting readers and being praised for it or being artistically successful, and need to be reined in from these damaging behaviours by my partner, because otherwise I fall into a funk if I have like... a few weeks of lacklustre performance, or miss an opportunity. So while getting validation as a kid can help with confidence in getting your work out there, I'd like to put myself forward as a cautionary tale about getting too much praise focused on just your drawing or ability to entertain people, and not enough general affirmation that just being a person makes you worthy.

[jamontoast98]

Can relate, self-esteem issues + social media is a terrible combo. I'm not sure where those issues came from in my case though, think I've always been this way

I hate what social media has done to me, I be damned if something I post doesn't do numbers, damned if I do because I'm worried I can't keep it up. And for what? I'm nowhere near making money with the art I want to make nor am I inclined to do so. Yet It's made me take up a fearful/nonchalant attitude to social media when I should be enjoying, ya know, the process of making art itself lmao

[Lady_T_Musings]

Yeah I'm also in the camp super supportive parent when it came to my art so I was already in a good mindset before I started showing online and not worrying too much about not being seen. I also had a bunch of art friends and we'd look at and talk about each other's works before class. I totally miss having that, but I've been trying to get back into the habit of getting more feedback on what I do/make from folks I trust to give solid feedback. I made a FB group years ago for that purpose and I wanna dust it off and see who all still kicking in it. Even when views aren't high on a post, talking to someone about what you made and experiences can totally help with them invisible feelings when online.

Shoot, if anything dealing with social media was more about managing expectations on what KIND of attention I'd get for what I put out there. The numbers game for validation is like watching yourself turn into an Ouroboros. If you aren't careful you will be the one hurting your own mental instead of doing what you wanted to do originally, which was probably just sharing your creativity and passion with the world and finding folks that dig it and are like-minded.

[NickRowler]

My parents were somewhat supportive but also weren’t. They constantly told me I should not be a writer because I have dyslexia, that I should only draw. I also wanted to be a cartoonist/illustrator and was told I need to do something more “advanced”, which meant I spent my college years trying to get into animation when I really wish I just focused on what I really wanted to do. I really did not enjoy art college and wanted to drop out but was pressured to stay because I was told “it will help you in the long run”. I am glad they helped pay for my schooling but I really wish they were more supportive when it came to me finding employment or my mental health.

[Lensing]

My parents were supportive, art teachers were the only teacher which loved me and gave me
validation and I had all other kind of real life confirmation through art and music.
Maybe it´s connected to my big desinterest for social media.
I think that childhood validation pushes the motivation and willpower, you´ll never
ask yourself if it´s right or wrong what you are doing, you are 100% sure you are doing
the only thing you want to do

[ar-ninetysix]

Hm.. very much word for word, I feel the same way. Mind you, I'm not really an artist or a writer, I'm a musician but.. there's not a lot of validation to be found and the little you do get barely feels deserved.

The closest thing I got to any validation outside of friends was my parents letting me pursue music and helping me buy gear if necessary... but I don't see that as supporting me in following my dreams, that's more just general caring about me as a son who rarely asks for anything. They have a general idea of what I make, and it's not really anything they're too interested in.

I've shown my stuff off before here and in person, and I tend to get compliments on what I make. But it's so hard for me to believe any of it, because usually no one goes out of their way to listen to anything else I have to offer, only the stuff I present. Far as I'm concerned, nothing I made was impressive enough to make them wanna seek out more. I've constantly asked for feedback and thoughts, and usually get nothing. So now it's not even worth even getting any participation-award level comments saying a basic "this is cool!" or "keep doing what you're doing!"..I probably wouldn't have believed those anyways, but the point would've been that at least someone cared enough to comment.

To answer your main question, nope. I feel like I'm awful with social media, barely anyone cares about what I'm making purely for myself. The important thing is that I feel confident in that I know I'm making exactly what I wanna make and that it's for me more than it is for anyone else. The creation process of music is a rewarding journey on its own, and if I choose to share it, I need to understand that as long as I'm happy with what I made.. that should be all that matters.

[Caro]

My parents thought it was kinda neat that I drew but they’ve never really been supportive of me. Granted, I was the family black sheep, high school dropout, druggie kid and my family did not have high hopes for me in any capacity.

They started being somewhat supportive after I moved out and was paying rent with comics and art but they still would try to get me to have backups. Now I’m close to buying a house and they no longer have any questions and are fully supportive.

But as far as social media goes I don’t think most people ENJOY having to do it. Even my most extraverted art and comics pals with 1mil+ followers tell me they don’t feel comfortable doing it and that its just part of the job for them. I have 75k on ig and 25k on twitter but have gone MONTHS without posting because of how uncomfortable it feels for me to do. I was using a pen name and it helped separate me from the act a lot but now my pen name is just what everyone calls me and there is no longer any separation and I think that’s what has been goofing me for the past couple years.

[powerplantanimations]

For me it's a little... okay I should probably get into it.

My parents and teachers have been supportive of me writing since I was a child, but then there was my teenage years where I was writing edgy stuff... and then there was a time where I stopped writing in general. But then I felt aimless and went back into writing and then I met this person who helped me. I won't go into the specifics of our relationship we were both at the lowest points of our lives, but the dude flat out broke me... to the point where I think he did something to me mentally? Especially since my brain was just vulnerable from my PANDAS disease.

Like usually I'm complacent but all of a sudden, I managed to push and learn to write just to get some validation from him. I never talked to him again because he's a black hole, but in a way I think he shaped the way I am as a writer? I'm hyper-focused on details. I can't stand continuity errors. I don't just write for myself, I try to please people in a ME way.

He also got me into wacky sci-fi with "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" (dude was a super nihilist), although I started getting into religion again and that shaped how I do things while helping me with my confidence. My Dad also started reading my stories and he would always praise all my stuff again (although I feel like he wants me to write for me most of the time).

But I wanna say that Kurolines (an Australian artist) was the person to just... SOLIDIFY my confidence. Dude's been my best friend since we were both like teenagers online and I respect the Hell out of him. He's been reading all my scripts and he's been telling me what to do while giving me proper support without being mean.

That Stick Figure Isekai was like the FIRST script where I didn't need him to read my scripts anymore and that happened to be my first fully released project. Felt like the training wheels were off. We still talk to one another and he's checking out my other work. It's so cool to have a friend like that and I thank God.

As for my Mother tho, I think she was more realistic and only supported me ONCE I found success lol. I don't blame her tho, I've been this for years and she balanced out my Dad's optimism.

[SoftWonderBun]

Thanks for all the responses so far! I'm glad to see so many of you got support for your creative endeavors!

[VibrantFox]

For me i feel like it was kind of a rocky road coz when i was younger it was fine as a hobby so long as it didnt cut into school and if it was deemed as disruptive or distracting it was punished.

like it was interesting coz my late father was an artist and i wanted to be like him in that regard but there was the matter of escaping his shadow in terms of skill level or style coz he drew realistic portraits and did environment sketches or architecture or technical stuff but my affinity has always been towards tyhr animated and cartoons which he did as well but it wasnt where my passion pointed so that was a thing.

i think the royghest patch was probably when it came to monetization coz like most there was fear that it wouldnt be sustainable or successful and that i was wasting my time but when id managed to succed in gaining a moderate following and getting commissions the doubts were set aside fora while. not that there werent moment where doubts came up again but its definitely better now at least.

if anything id say ive gotten more validation online and from friends but i also cant set aside that at the least i was encouraged to keep doing art by family its just specific circumstances where things wavered. im definitely not super reliant on the external validation now tho but it doesnt mean i dont still like crave it.

i do think there can be and is correlation between the two in the same way that need for community is a key factor too but like all things everyones experiences are different

[ButterflyEmpress]

This really gave me a lot to think about. I remember when I moved schools in 5th grade I was no longer the kid who could draw (or the honor roll kid). There were already 10s of others who were leagues better than me. I used to try to convince others to let me do the art portion of a project, but was always snubbed so I stopped asking. The only people in my life who say anything nice are my mom and sister. Everyone else is indifferent. It's probably why I find promoting myself on social media to be a chore. It's hard to stay motivated if people don't care

[UrMom]

Gosh my family is so supportive about my art, it's almost annoying. Same with others while I was growing up, most people didn't like me, said I was a bad kid, but I was also "the best artist in school" all the way up to high school. What sucked... still sucks, is I absolutely hate excessive attention, being someone who would rather just have people like the results of my work while I stay in the background, minding my own business. It's always been like that. If someone expects something of me I'll fall short almost habitually because the expectations that come from the attention stresses me out. So when teachers and such volunteered me to do special art assignments because I was some "golden artist", I wouldn't finish them. But man, I was still such a "great artist"! I'm sure gonna go to art college and work for Disney! Lmao!

That being said I don't think my art related upbringing affected how I conduct myself online. I share whatever, whenever I want, and couldn't care less about the expectations of anonymous strangers since they don't affect my personal life. At least they don't affect it yet. The internet is nice in the fact that I don't have to pay attention to... well, the attention, if it gets to be too much. I can just drop my shit and ghost like an asshole.

[HorganVoice]

Attention seeker's point of view on the question

Well, Attention seekers and troublemakers like me on social media, don't really feel it but yeah I fell in love with books just last year, when my friend was reading a novel in coaching. personally, I don't want my mom to find that I am writing novel because it will make her unnecessarily worried that what would I do in the future as I am a science student but I really like writing so...I hope I would be able to hide it until I publish a good novel, So the support is currently 0. And she would just pack my computer if she found out.
I am totally checkmated. I sometimes think... I will just study and go to an engineering college
but my dream is to create something extraordinary and I don't think I would be able to make something in the engineering field as my classmates are too powerful from me in academics. so I don't care whether my mom agrees or not. and long ago when I was an introvert and decided to fight myself.

ADVICE: So just think what a third person would think if he ever read the story of your life. Would he leave the story or Would he engage in the story and would like to read it more?
My answer: He will probably read it more...

[system]

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