I'm currently taking a mandatory health & wellness class at my university. Recently we had a guest speaker come to talk to us about happiness, and that was pretty much 2 class periods worth of him telling us some little info tidbit, directing us to either some "must-read" book or the online notes for more details, and then moving on to the next info tidbit; rinse and repeat. =/
Thankfully, the online notes were much more interesting and informative than the book-shilling presentation (seriously, he brought up another book every 5 minutes! It was like watching Sunday afternoon TV...). So I thought I'd share some of 'em here.
These 7 bonding principles are actually really good. Personally, I'd rather cut off my arm and eat it than try to use them, but I think they can be of some help to you if you're looking to make more friends. ^^
1) Be sincerely interested in other people. "Unconditional Positive Regard": Separate the person from the behavior. (This is an ATTITUDE. The following 6 principles are BEHAVIORS.)
(2) Smile (= a non-verbal message that says "I’m approachable")
(3) "The Name"
a. How to remember it: Keep name in short term memory (repeatedly say it out loud every10 seconds or less) for a number of seconds approximately equal to your age in years.
b. Use name in conversation = subconsciously puts you in category of "friends & family".
c. One's name is a psychological symbol that stands for the person; if you screw up the name, you "dis" the person.
(4) Use Self-Disclosure, especially in 5, 6 & 7 below. Bonding is a 2-way street! ("Default Mode" of self disclosure = tack your own answer onto questions directed to another person. "I'm an ME. What's your major?")
(5) Be a good listener (Start with QUESTIONS - so you have something to listen to.) Listening to another person tells them "You are important to me."
1. eye contact;
2. interjection (Wow! Incredible! Super! No Way! Fabulous! No Kidding!);
3. non-verbal signals (facial expression; body language; gestures);
4. comment about what was just said (+ self disclosure);
5. question about what was just said (+ self disclosure)
(6) Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
1. Find the interests through questions
2. Avoid "interrogation" by:
a. Preceding your questions with self-disclosure ("I'm from Perry, Georgia. Where are you from?")
b. Follow a response (from the person you're talking with) with self disclosure + comment on the content before asking another question.
(7) Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely: Affirmation: a) a verbal "pat on the back" for an important accomplishment; self-disclose about how you FEEL about the accomplishment or b) a heart-felt "Thank you" (written, verbal or both) for something a person has done.