Man, that stuff feels easier said than done. There's a lot of stuff I wanted to do, but every time I have to to sign back up for another year working fulltime I kinda lose the drive. Sure, I am grateful for having a job (especially one that pays more than minimum wage), but gosh it's draining. There's nothing like sitting at a desk doing nothing for hours on end, contemplating why you're even here still, after fighting horrendous traffic to get to work. I've wanted to get a new job, but I only got the one I have now because the employment rate for my city is pretty awful, and most don't pay the amount I'm getting now. Also I keep getting turned down for being "over qualified" or because I lack experience.
I really wanted to go parttime for school, but something always happens where I can't make the jump, which is big because parttime at my job is working only one weekend a month. Doing something new would be nice, but I get 4 hours of free time after work which goes to personal hygiene, taking care of my cats, grocery shopping, and helping my mom with chores and dinner because she can't do a whole lot thanks to having spine surgery. In between that I maybe get an hour to draw, which gets dedicated to pages since it takes HOURS to finish one page.
This sounds like an excuse, but I literally have no friends. Haven't had a friend since high school and that was 7-9 years ago? I can hang out with coworkers, but I really don't want to? Spending 10+ hours a day with them is enough for me. I'd make new friends, but my standards are too high, and I expect they'll bail after a couple days of actually getting to know me. It's easier to not try, than to waste time and effort.
A while back I talked to a mental health specialist at work who said I showed really big signs of depression, I've just been putting off going to the doctor to see if it's a chemical imbalance. Too much attention, money, and drama, I just don't have the energy for it. Also I'm just not the type to talk about feelings, not that it's girly, I was just never really raised to so it's a weird topic for me.
Thanks for the suggestions and encouragement. Sorry I'm such a downer, being negative is a specialty of mine. It is true, I know you guys don't care since you're strangers on the internet (not saying that to get a response, it's just true. I don't know any of you people, and you don't know me, and I'm pretty chill with that), but my family and cats care about me. So that's nice.
Sorry for the text wall, it's a bad habit.
@vicar_comic Yeah, it's probably something like that right now. I mean, I just got started with my comic again, making a huge update. Now everything just feels kinda static, especially so since I'm not the type to celebrate holidays and such. Everyone is talking about what they'll be doing for xmas, there isn't a whole lot of activity going on online. I don't really know what to do other than what I always do, there's not much to talk about that hasn't already be discussed, there's nothing I can do relating to my comic other than draw pages. Hmm~